ten signs you are too old to party

I have a lot of hilarious and unflattering photos from the days of yore, when I had the stamina/desire to stay out partying until 2am...or 4am, depending on what city I was in.
Photos such as this:

Classy, right? 
While I can look back on these times with fondness {???} or at least
 have a good laugh, 
I recently came to realize
those days are over.  
Now my drink of choice is coffee.  
Oh, and a glass of wine, now and again. 
{read: every night}
But because I love lists...
here are...


10 Signs You are Too Old to Par-tay

  {which may or may not be based on my own experience *cough*}

1.   You still say par-tay.  This is no longer cool, you realize.

2.   When you eagerly present your ID to the liquor store clerk and ask with a huge smile, “Do you need to see this?” he gives you a funny look and says, “Um, no.”

3.       Instead of one day, it takes a week to recover from a night of flip-cup and beer pong.  Also, no one cares if you are a "one-flip wonder." 

4.       When out at a noisy bar you can’t help wishing it were a leeeeettle quieter so you can hear what the person across the table is saying.  Remember that saying “If it’s too loud, you’re too old”?  Yeah, makes sense now, doesn’t it?

5.       It has been quite a while since you woke up on your couch with empty White Castle cheeseburger boxes strewn haphazardly around you…and you’re totally okay with that.

6.       You finally have disassociated the taste of Red Bull with vodka.

7.       Remember those 30-something women you used to make fun of out at bars dancing outdatedly to 80’s songs?  That’s you now, only it’s 90’s songs.  Macarena, anyone?

8.      When exiting a smoky bar at the pathetically early hour of 1 am you can’t help remarking disdainfully that the atmosphere “smells like college.”   {i.e. vomit, weed, sweat, desperation}

9.       Just looking at photos of your former partying days makes you suddenly feel very dehydrated.

1o.       You have a baby.  They do not have a snooze button - or volume control.

       Babies do not care if you hung over.  

:o)

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