nine loves

I think the word love is tossed around a lot.  By everyone, including me.  Really casually.   "I love this picture!"  "I love your hair!"  "I love wine!" I say things like this all the time without even thinking about the word.  Better to say "love" a lot, than "hate," right?

I've done posts about "loves" before, including beauty products, baby items, paint colors...but this time, I'll take it a bit more seriously.  Some of what I write you may find trite, or not agree with, and that is okay.  I am okay with differences and disagreements - just keeping it honest.

I decided to think about what truly makes my heart melt.  What brings tears to my eyes when I even contemplate its absence?  What makes life meaningful for me?

Nine loves, in no particular order:

1. My family...I love them all, but specifically writing here about the one I was born into. Dad, mom, brothers and sister.

this was almost four years ago...the fam has grown since then!

there is nothing like having a sister.

I love that I have siblings, and even though we all are scattered in different parts of the country now, the times when we do see each other I feel the love. I don't know if everyone feels this way about their parents and siblings.  I just know I am forever grateful that I have these relationships.  That I have the memories I have growing up with such a close family.   Those moments growing up - Christmas Eve, every Sunday crammed into a church pew together, camping trips, vacations, and even just simple times, like at supper, eating together.  Those moments are what makes me want to have more babies - my experience with family.  Well, at least one more baby.  Someday.

2. My husband...this guy.

The fact that God led us to each other and made us for each other overwhelms me every time I think about it.  Sometimes I come across letters {yes, handwritten letters, despite the fact that we both had email} he wrote me in college, while we were broken up.  Just telling me what he was up to, things he was excited about, people he met.  In these letters he would crack jokes, keep it really casual, and at the same time, without really saying it, let me know that he still cared about me.  Every time I read these letters I sob.  Literally break down with emotion.  Why?  Because I think about how at any time during one of those breakups he could have met someone else and fallen in love with her.  Or just gotten sick of writing me letters.  But those things didn't happen, and I am thankful for that every day.

3. Work...I know what you are thinking, no one loves work.  But I do.  Work gives me a sense of purpose, a goal, and keeps me focused.  You know what 'they' say about idle hands?  I believe that.  I particularly love working as a stay-at-home mama.  Don't get me wrong:  I loved working outside the home, too.  There were only two jobs I held that I didn't like - anything fast food-related and when I was a high school teacher  -- the rest were awesome.  I was a retail worker and manager for ten years, and then worked in the temporary staffing field for three years.  I loved the people, dressing stylishly for work every day, making money and how busy I was.  Sometimes I miss having a job outside the home...but then I think about how much I love what I do.  I genuinely love "homemaking."  I think this word conjures up different images for different people.   For me specifically, being a stay-at-home-mama and homemaker {two separate aspects of my job} Mama means: making sure baby feels safe, teaching baby, loving baby, nourishing baby, setting an example for baby, keeping baby clean.  Being a homemaker {to me} means: keeping the house tidy/organized, cleaning the house regularly,  providing healthy and delish food in said home, staying within our financial budget, being a helpful/loving wife, making the house a home, keeping myself healthy and happy so that I can do all these things.   I am certainly not successful every day at all of these things -- but I like striving to be the best at what I do.  As with any job, I make goals, prioritize, hold myself to high standards, and reward myself when I deserve it!  {Glass of wine each night?  Don't mind if I do! Hubby takes baby while I spend Sunday afternoon shopping or a Thursday night out with girlfriends? Um, yes!} Also, as with any job, I have to devise new and more effective ways of doing things, manage my time wisely, adapt to changes, etc. I love work because it makes me think, makes me extend myself, puts me outside my own head, and it is rewarding, whether financially or otherwise.

4. My kiddo...this guy.

I always thought - well, before I had a baby - that I could never love a person as much as my husband.  Even after I had the baby I worried that I wouldn't have enough love for both.  That my marriage would suffer, or I would be a bad, selfish mama.  As time went by, ever so quickly, I realized that your capacity for love expands a thousand-fold when you have children.  You become more loving, not only toward your little one, but for other people and other babies.  It is hard to explain...but I think most parents know how I feel.

5. Jesus.  As someone who deals with anger and depression issues, I can tell you this one thing:  I could not have this life I have today without my love and faith in Jesus Christ, and His love for me.  I would be an angry, sad, shriveled little nothing without this love.  I would be lost and broken.  I would be literally cut and bruised.  I would not look at the future with joy and calm and peace.  Without this specific love there would only be me and this world, and that is a disturbing and lonely thought.   No matter what your beliefs or who/what you put your faith in -- I hope it makes you feel this kind of love.

6. Pregnancy.  I simply love the process of making a baby.   Okay, I'm not just referring to the act of sex {which is kind of, well, awesome} but the start-to-finish process of creating human life.  Controversial, maybe, but I believe life begins at conception.  I believed this before I had a baby, and am even more passionate in this belief now.   After feeling my body change completely only weeks after conception.   After hearing the heartbeat, strong and steady, when he was only a teeny tiny little speck on the radar.  After seeing arms and legs and fingers waving, at 12 weeks.   Thinking, that is my baby.  That is, without a doubt, a human life.

Source: jesustotheworld.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

 I don't write this to convince anyone of anything - just to express what I personally am convinced of.  Also, I don't write this because my pregnancy was a breeze, all roses and sunshine and gloriousness.  Nope, it was your pretty standard, nauseous constantly for the first half, pretty uncomfortable for the second half, kind of pregnancy.  I am thankful that there were no complications, but I definitely didn't escape most of the symptoms.  I still loved it.  Yay for babymaking!

enjoying the thirty-six week bump.

7. Being alone.  If you know me, you know I need my space.  I am an introvert.  I love quiet, personal time.  No matter if I am running, writing, shopping, or even something trivial, like the dishes, I place a high value on my alone time.  I think a lot, meditate, plan and pray during this time.  When I am deprived of it, I get agitated, at best.  Of course, there are many times I do genuinely enjoy socializing and can be very talkative, engaging, outgoing...but I prefer these social interactions to be well-planned out and sporadic.  I enjoy them more that way.

Source: google.com via Lacey on Pinterest

8. Fresh air.   One of the reasons I love running, camping, and hiking is because it gets me outside.  I blame my Dad for this.  He ripped us out of Mom's arms at the age of three and took us out into the wilderness....and all four of his kids became nature lovers.   I am forever indebted to him for that.

Source: thegiftsoflife.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

9. Movement.  I think the bodily function that would be the hardest for me to lose would be the ability to walk.  I am constantly moving.  I find it quite hard to rest.  My mind especially.  But being able to run and be active calms my mind.  I hope I never have to deal with long-term lack of movement...but I realize it could happen, so I try every day not to take my body for granted.

Source: Uploaded by user via Greta on Pinterest

Well, there are my deep thoughts for the week.  

What do you love?

Linking up again here...

g

10 secrets

I love writing prompts.  If you didn't know, I was an English major with passion for writing specifically...so even a casual 'call to write' sends my mind spinning and my fingers typing.

Found this link-up through my blog friend Tanya, so I thought I'd give 'er a whirl.

Today's prompt: Ten Secrets.

I am not going to take this incredibly literally, as, ahem, a lady must have some secrets that remain secrets.

I will, instead, share some little things I don't ever tell people, because they are slightly embarrassing and they would never come up in normal conversation.

1. In fourth grade I got in trouble for stealing change out of people's gym bags during a grade school basketball game.  I also stole an egg of silly putty from Hallmark.  Never got caught, but felt guilty for years!

2. I enjoy show tunes and sing them on a regular basis.  I have all the Rogers and Hammerstein musicals memorized.  Thanks Mom.

3.  Grilling and using power tools gives me an odd feeling of empowerment.

4. My fifth grade "boyfriend's" mother hated me and referred to me as "a pill."  I don't think she meant a good pill, either.  Now that I have my own son I can empathize with her hatred.

5. I love watching Keeping up with the Kardashians - it makes me miss my family, even though my family is not even remotely similar to the Kardashians.  It also makes me want to have a bunch of kids.  That feeling passes quickly.

6. The only time I have ever had panic attacks was when I was briefly a high school English teacher.  I had one every morning right before I left for work.  This explains why this career was so brief.  I mean, you can only have so many panic attacks before you say, "Um...this isn't working out."  Pretty proud of myself for finishing out the school year, though!

7.  I sometimes eat an entire frozen pizza.  {and yes, I keep it down.}

8.  I've always wished I was a redhead.  I feel it would suit my personality very well.

9. I used to try to teach my little brother to sing and play basketball.  I was extremely bossy about it.  Which is weird because I am fairly horrible at both singing and playing basketball.

10.   I cry during every birth scene on A Baby Story.  Every single time.

What "secrets" would you deign to share?

 g

{playdate}

I have a love/hate relationship with playdates.
I love being around other mamas, chatting about life and motherhood, and taking in the the adorableness of their little babes.
I hate how exhausted, cranky, and just plain pooped I feel afterward.

Why, you ask, would I feel cranky and exhausted and kind of like I want to curl up in the fetal position with an entire bottle of wine?

My kid never.sits.still.
I spent half of Sunday's 'picnic in the park' playdate with two of my 'mama friends' chasing down my energetic 13-month-old.  The other two mamas' little boys were angelic in comparison.  They sat on the blankets we laid out, sipped sweetly from their sippy cups, ate their snacks dutifully, occasionally shining glorious smiles up at their mothers.

Cormac, on the other hand, did not sit down once.  Okay, well, a few times he stood around long enough for me to feed him a few blackberries, but then he would head for the hills.

Remember Luigi on Super Mario 2 for classic Nintendo - how his legs would go-go-go in a circle and never stop?  That is what I kept thinking of as Cormac shot out of my arms across the enormous expanse of lawn.

His target was always something different.  A guy with a basketball.  A dog.  Another baby (even though I found it nearly impossible to get him to socialize with the two little boys we were on a playdate with.)

There were about twenty conversations I had to rudely leave midway through because I had to chase down my son.

I apologize, ladies!  I really was interested in what you were saying.

Here are the few pics I managed to get of the three boys.  Please note how calm and sweet two of them look, and how precocious one of them looks.

  Here is where he dove headfirst into one of my friends' strollers - the storage compartment.  Nice!

I love his personality and that he is really active, like Hubby and I, but dang.

This mama be tired.

He seriously needs to be in a sport - now.

g

the renovation : 'dream home' sneak peak

As I mentioned, we sold our house - hurray!

Even though we won't be closing/officially moving into the 'dream home'/renovation project until end of September, we are contemplating renovating the kitchen fully before we move in.

{Side note - we will only have access to half of the house, as we have a renter in the other half whose lease is not up until end of January.}

Every time I go over to the house I am overcome with how 'at home' I feel there.  My mind races with a million ideas and renovation plans. I am blessed to have a Hubby who is willing to live in old, urban houses that need a lot of work, when he probably would be just as happy in new construction in the 'burbs. 

Thank you Hubby!

 (Truth be told, though, he is just as excited about the kitchen reno as I am...maybe even more!)

Here are some photographs of the current state of the front unit of the home

I realize it is a beautiful historic home, just how it is... but we are excited to design a new kitchen and do various other renovations to make it our style and with modern conveniences.

We hope it is the home we live in for many years to come!

Here we go...

Master bedroom - south view. 

Master bedroom - northwest view with a sweet little one helping sweep.

there are four, yes, four green rookwood-tiled inoperable coal fireplaces in the house.  we will probably re-tile them...sorry rookwood fans!

The master closet is barely big enough to hang a coat or two {apparently they used wardrobes back in 1859} so this will become built-in bookshelves, and a new walk-in closet constructed by taking space from the bedroom that is attached directly to the master.  That bedroom will become an office/guest bedroom someday.  

aren't those wide plank hardwood floors gorg?

Another view of master.  Excuse the pile of painting supplies.  We had the walls painted gray recently because we thought we were going to rent out the front unit.  (They were a really dark blue which closed up the space.) Then our house sold unexpectedly.  YAY!

The future master bathroom.   We are going to reposition the clawfoot tub to be in front of the window, add a tile/glass shower, and a double vanity.  Oh, and put the toilet in it's own little 'closet.'

 Also going to re-do the flooring in the bathroom, as it is laminate instead of hardwoods.  I'm not a huge laminate fan.  We will probably go with stone tile and install floor heating to keep my toes warm!

The walled-up doorway you see at the end of the hallway will someday be another entrance to the back half of the house:

Completely livable for a while though!  I actually adore the bathroom as is, and can't wait to start decorating.   I'm a sucker for super high ceilings and romantic clawfoot tubs.  {The house has another in the back unit!}

View from the second bedroom, looking out onto a small deck that is attached to the third bedroom.  May not seem like that great of a view, but the tentative plan is to construct a rooftop deck which will have a view of downtown and the river.  The fourth bedroom waaaaay in the back does have a view of the skyscrapers...oh, and Mt. Adams, which is where Hubby proposed!

Here is the kitchen - the first major project on the 'to-do' list...

Looking into the kitchen from the front room.  This room will look probably 100% different.  There will be dark cherry cabinets, granite, an island, a sink in front of the window, different lighting, different appliances, etc.  We are keeping the floors the original hardwoods, though.

Looking out from the kitchen to the "front room" - to be the formal living room.  Eventually we will have a casual family room in the back part of the house, which is currently the renter's kitchen.  Also back there on the main floor is the dining room and another small laundry room, which we will convert to a storage closet.

Front staircase, and in the below pic you'll also notice a half bathroom straight ahead.  That wall you see inside the bathroom with the light on it will eventually be a doorway to the other side of the house.  (The bathroom will stay but become smaller.)  We also plan to paint the stair backing white, as well as the spindles on the railing.  Still debating on whether or not to paint ALL of the trim white.  I prefer the look of white trim, but would be a lot of work and the original trim has historic value.  Any opinions?

 This was taken when we first purchased the home in January - give a good idea as to the height of the ceilings and the double doors that separate the kitchen and living room.  Hubby is only 5'8.

Another perspective from the living room looking into kitchen.

So for those of you that were curious as to what the inside of the house looks like,

I hope this helps!

g

mama confessions: share some, maybe?

My son is starting to show signs of, well, an attitude.

Case in point: playing with his Cookie Monster counting toy.

He loves this toy, although not really the way it is meant to be enjoyed.

Usually he just wants to try to eat the plastic cookies himself:

mmmm...snot and plastic cookie.

Meanwhile, poor Cookie Monster waits, open-mouthed, for someone to answer his pleas: "Cookie, please!" 

 Cormac is really good at opening Cookie Monster's backpack and retrieving the cookies.

 

But then things sometimes go awry.  Like he abandons Cookie.  

Or, worse, tries to violently force-feed Cookie.  

Cormac: {grabs Cookie Monster's plastic googly eyes and tries to rip them off of his blue fuzzy head.}

Me: {look of concern} Oh, no, be gentle to Cookie Monster.  

Cormac: {stares me right in the eyes and continues to yank the eyeballs up and down violently.}

Me: {shocked and sad face} Don't you think that might hurt poor Cookie Monster???

Cormac: {continues to look me in the eyes and then starts ramming his arm down Cookie's throat.}

I decide he is just trying to get a reaction out of me, as my face is very expressive, so I change tactics by laughing and make Cookie Monster "eat" his hand, with gusto.  Cormac laughs, too, and moves on to a different toy.

This is only one example.  He has taken to chucking his sippy cup across the kitchen, rather than placing it neatly in its holder on his tray like he used to.  A simple car ride can be a complete scream-fest.  

I am a little surprised these tantrum issues are coming up when he is barely a year old...

but I was a pretty defiant child, so I'm sure I'm just beginning to get my comeuppance. 

:)

I'll leave you with this Sesame Street video, which my "little" brother showed me {along with many other gems} during our family camping vacation last week.   It makes me smile, especially when I think of my little guy trying to gouge Cookie's eyes out.  (Twisted, I know.)  I think I've watched it about twenty times.  It makes me wish I worked for Sesame Street, so I could be in a video like this.
I would like to be cast either as a flash mob dancer, or the guy playing the xylophone.
Enjoy!
:)

g

book review: one thousand gifts by ann voskamp

The book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp was given to me as a Christmas gift from my sis-in-law Jen.  {not sure if she had read it but told me various friends had highly recommended it.}

The very night I was given the book I read about ten pages and, after several bouts of tears,  I had to put it down.   It started slow...and it was depressing, particularly for a new mama.  {spoiler alert: stories of children dying tragically.}  I didn't like it.

Six months later I picked it up again.   This time I gave it more than ten pages.  I gave it fifty - and that was all it took to get me hooked.  To move me.  She is a mother of six, on a farm, present day, homeschooling, tired, searching for meaning.

She finds it - in thankfulness.  The secret to a full life?  Being thank-full.

She writes a lot about the 'hurry' of life.  Rushing through and missing the little things that God wants us to notice and praise Him for.

The gifts.  Not the big ones - health, home, loved ones, car...

...the little things like the iridescent rainbow on a soap bubble while doing dishes.

So she is challenged to slow down.  To notice these little things and write them down in a notebook.

I have started lists like this several times - inspired by my dad, who has kept a list for years of things he is thankful for.  He calls it his arranain list.  {Sorry if I spelled that wrong, Dad!}

However, I always get frustrated while writing the list, because I always want to start with the "big things," and then get so caught up in describing why I am thankful for them that I tend to abandon because it seems so overwhelming.

The list Voskamp shares in One Thousand Gifts sets up a different kind of arranain.  It is the simple things that you would only notice if you slowed down long enough to see and truly appreciate them.   The way she writes them is beautiful.  In fact, the way she writes the entire book is beautiful.  You can hear the joy in her words.   She is poetic without being pretentious.

Following her example made it easy to start my list, not worrying about the obvious "big blessings" but focusing rather on the little, lovely things that make up every single day.

Here are a few from my list:

- warm, sweaty snuggles with arms wrapped around my neck, breathing steady and even.
- the vibrance of the center of a coneflower, orange quills reaching towards the sun
- an extra fifteen minutes of quiet in the morning with a steaming cup of coffee.

I could write for hours, but, like Voskamp, it is easier just to keep a notebook nearby and write them down as I notice them.  Reading over my list, especially when feeling particularly "ungrateful," fills my heart and makes me remember.

I recommend One Thousand Gifts, and making your own list.  You'll be amazed at how easily the words will flow from your pen...or fingertips. :)

PS - Another on my list...house sold!

g

thrifty find: burlap lamp shades

Right now I am loving the natural fiber of burlap -- and apparently so is Pottery Barn and the rest of the world!  :D  

While flipping through my PB catalog for design inspiration I was completely drawn to their new burlap lampshades. 

{pb}

But sigh, I cannot pay $70 for a lampshade.

This is when I turn to Target, who has a similar product {okay, so not as luxe} for only $19.  

{target}

So I snagged the large version to replace the broken shade on the Eiffel Tower lamp in our living room.

Of course, Hubby still thought $19 was expensive "for a lampshade."  

:)

g