{eighteen months}

Happy birthday Cormac - you're 1 1/2 years old!

I've been a mama for a whopping eighteen months.

Cormac, while definitely not without his various challenges, has been a dream.  He is all of what I hoped he'd be {as much as a clueless first time mama can hope for} as a baby and now toddler.  He is:

Active.  The kid doesn't stop moving.  He crawled and walked fairly early...but even better - he did it with gusto!  I love the determined looks he gets on his expressive face when he wants, no needs, to do something.  No stopping him.  This is perfect for me because I am very active and determined as well.

Sensitive.  This one kind of shocked me, but I remember one day I just had had it, and I crumbled to the floor in a mess of tears.  I don't think Cormac had seen me that upset before.  He was about eleven months old.  As my shoulders shook with him a few feet away,  he immediately came over to me and threw his arms around my neck.  Immediately my heart melted, as this wasn't typical behavior from him.  I drew him in for a hug and he let me hold him like that for about ten minutes.  I couldn't believe it.  (I told you he never stops moving right?) I really felt he wanted me to feel better, and it struck me as amazing that a child that young could be that sensitive.  Still holding him, I walked up to his nursery and finally broke the embrace.  When I did, he immediately went to his crib and pointed towards Girry, his stuffed giraffe that is his naptime/bedtime 'soother.'  I reached in and grabbed it, handing it to Cormac.  Immediately he pushed it towards me.  Wanting me to be soothed.  That daywas when I knew I had sensitive soul on my hands, and I had never been more grateful.

Affectionate.  The kid likes to kiss.  He kisses us constantly.  Once he warms up to you he will give you kisses constantly as well.  Sometimes you have to ask.  Other times he just out of the blue plants one {or ten in succession} on you.  He also kisses the dog, all his stuffed animals, my baby belly, and characters in books.  Besides kissing, he will rub my back, give my neck squeezes with both little arms wrapped around, and snuggle, snuggle, snuggle.

Super curious and social. Watching him play independently is really interesting now.  Where he will put things is anyone's guess, and the expressions on his face as he tries to figure something out is priceless.  Plus, he got his dada's social nature.  He has no problem going up to random people and giving them a grin.  He waves, blows kisses, and hugs.  I love to see how his sweet nature warms people's hearts.

Here are some photographs of the little man in action over the past six months...and what I believe he is thinking...since I have 'mama-esp.'

"Just forget how dirty my shirt is and focus on my awesome grin!"

"I made you coffee, Mama!" 

"I looooove camping!" 

"I voted, and it was perfecto!"

"I like to eat mud...it's so organic."

"Yes, I will make out with this Buddha statue.  What of it?"

"You should see the other guy!"

"Bet you didn't expect a bear in your tent now didya?" 

"I shouldn't be on the counter...but can. not. stop. looking at this tupperware. I know there are cookies in there."

"Why, yes I did just spit-up all over the carpet.  Again."

"Lens cap or teether?  I think both."

"Did you honestly give me spaghetti and expect me not to look like this?"

 "Just try to resist my sweet face.  I dare you."

 "This looks like a comfy spot for a nap.  Or not."

 "Awwww Mom.  Really?!?!?"

"No really...Colbie likes it when I do this."

Other developments in the past six months?

• Has a total of twelve teeth.  Still waiting on a few!!!  Loves to brush them, though.  Or try.
• Weighs 24 pounds.  Total lightweight.  Consistently in the 25th percentile for weight.  I used to worry about it, but Hubby and I are not that big of folks, so I figure I will just have little kiddos. Plus, he never stops moving, so I guess he just burns a lot of calories? 
• Eats a decent amount.  I really have no idea how much 'normal' kids his age eat.  I just give him his food at mealtimes, keep it as balanced as possible, and he eats until he no longer wants to.  Then he is done.  I don't fight with him about eating.  
• Will play independently for 15-20 minutes at a time.  This makes me happy, because it allows me to get some things done in whatever room/area of the house we are in.
• Pretends.  Pretends he is a bear, a chef, a professional cleaning person...I love that he already has an imagination.
• Is finally easy in the car.  Spent the first year being REALLY fussy, so car trips were misery.  Now we can go on road trips and it doesn't have to be his nap time...and errands are a breeze!  Well, you know, with the occasional tantrum.  

• Talking.  Or not.  The only decipherable words are "mama" "dada" "up"  and "dog" -- the rest of his communication consists of just sounds.   He makes a lot of noises that sound like he is trying to talk.  He has mastered many animal sounds, truck noises, airplane noises, "num-nums" for food, etc.  However, the kid is just not advanced at the whole "talking thing."  He understands most of what I say...he just can't repeat it.  Maybe I should be worried...but I'm not.  He seems pretty smart, despite his lack of talking.  
• One nap a day - yay!  Takes about a 2 hour nap in the early afternoon. 

• Sleeps from 8pm to around 7:30am.  Self-soothes to sleep within minutes.  Does not usually wake up, unless he is sick, going through a growth spurt, or teething.  Then we will go to him briefly for comfort.
• Can walk up steps by himself!  No more of that crawling/scrambling business. Puts his hand on the wall and just goes!  (Walking down stairs is still a challenge, though.)  

He's not perfect.  I will never pretend he is or that mamahood is super natural or easy.  I will never tell him (or you) he is the perfect child...he doesn't need that kind of delusion/pressure.  He throws the occasional tantrum, gets frustrated easily when something doesn't go right the first time, constantly puts sticky fingers in his hair, throws/spills his sippy cup on a daily basis, knows when he shouldn't do something and tries to get away with it anyway, and sometimes whacks me in the face.  That being said...

I thank God every day for such a great kid.  No idea what I did to deserve him.  I treasure every day with him, and pray for another every night. 

g

the ultrasound

Monday we had our ultrasound.  Our only ultrasound (God-willing) this pregnancy.

When I was pregnant with Cormac and I found out I would only have one ultrasound, I was devastated.  (Yes, I am a little dramatic.)  I knew women who got multiple throughout their pregnancy journeys and I thought I would too.  Nope.  Turns out at my ob office they have the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' policy - meaning no bonus ultrasounds if there is no issue with your pregnancy.

I am at a different ob office this time, with the same policy.  But this time I am strangely okay with it.  {last time we plunked down $100 to go to a preggo spa to get an additional ultrasound at 12 weeks.}  This time I don't feel the need.

We saw the babe yesterday, at twenty weeks.

I got up early, made breakfast for us all, then as a family we headed to finally view our little one.  In the waiting room, as Cormac played happily in the toy area, Hubby decided to throw me for a loop:

"Let's just find out [the gender.] If you want to I am up for it!  Let's just do it, babe!"  he exclaims to me, all smiles and excitement.

My jaw drops.  "WHAT?!?!  No way!  Are you serious?  Ahhhhhhg!  Why are you doing this to me? I just blogged that we were NOT finding out." Because you know that means it is written in stone.  Ha!

Hubby tries a couple more times to convince me, and I almost relent.  I try to think of ways that we could find out and not tell anyone else... but  I knew I could never keep that secret.

So we - er, I - stuck to my guns.

As soon as we were in the room with our sonographer, I told her emphatically we did not want to find out the gender.  Hubby kept his peace and held Cormac so I could enjoy the experience (which was almost as calm and relaxing as the spa last time.)  She dimmed the lights and applied the warm gel to my abdomen, and there was Baby.  Super active, jumping around in my tummy, many times staring directly at us.

Baby was discreet in showing his/her 'distinguishable parts.'  I kept secretly looking for something to give it away, but the sonographer was awesome, not staying in any area very long.  Pausing it to measure only when there was nothing specific to the gender showing.

We counted ten fingers and ten toes.

The heart and brain and spinal cord looked good.

She said Baby was measuring a little long for twenty weeks...but that doesn't surprise me, as Cormac did too.

One worrisome thing - the head measure just under the normal range, in ratio to the belly.  My midwife said it was probably nothing, but the doc would call me if we needed to come in for another ultrasound to do more measurements.  Gulp.

I am praying we don't have to do another ultrasound.

One is fine by me this time.

*********

Without further ado, here is our little Baby...

oh no...could it be...a fist pump?!

g

{20 week bumpdate}

Wow.  We are officially halfway!  Twenty weeks.
Can't even believe it.   {Here was last pregnancy's 20 week post.} No fancy photo shoot this month.  Just me, Cormac, and the self-timer, in the master bedroom, which I didn't even bother to clean.

Rants {the crappy stuff}:

Sleeping. Is. Hard.  Well, only if I happen to wake up in the middle of the night.  Then it is impossible to get back to sleep.  Literally, it will take hours to fall back to sleep.  I have slept on the couch various times just because I am such a light sleeper and any little shift of position or snore {or just heavy breathing} from my Hubby will wake me back up.  And I am really, really crabby if I get woken up in the middle of the night.
I have to pee a lot.  Well, not a lot in volume, but in frequency.  I can make it through the night without getting up, but I am sure that will change soon.
That's it -- hard to complain in the glorious second tri!  I'll take any symptom over nausea, so this is heaven.

Raves {the happy stuff}: 

Feeling really, really fit and strong this pregnancy!  I love my M-F gym workouts, which haven't really gotten less intense.   Still doing pilates once a week, and this week even enjoyed an extra weekend yoga class.  {Ow, I am sore.} Now that I am eating slightly healthier {no food aversions and can cook in a functioning, non-chaotic kitchen}I feel this crazy sense of power.  Like the pregnancy is no longer controlling me, but I am in control of it.  I like being in control.  A lot. :D

Another bonus - when random people (always women) come up to me in random public places and tell me, "You look SO cute!!!!"  They don't say specifically, but this never happens when I am not pregnant, so I guess it is the bump. :)

The ultrasound!  

I'm halfway there!  I wish I could say the time is flying...but...at least I am halfway!!!!  Hurrah!

cardi,leggings,belt -f21//tank-lizlange/target

Weight gain: 11 pounds.  No new weight gain, which I am pretty proud of considering we just went through the holiday season of constant noshing.  I might have eaten 100 snickerdoodles on Christmas.

Nausea:  None - hurrah! 

Skin: Um, not great.  I'm pretty sure any 'glow' I ever have this pregnancy will be the result of bronzer.  Plus, experiencing chest and back breakouts - ick!  

Boobs:  Not as sore anymore.  Probably should go up to a 36, but I am too cheap to buy new bras.

Cravings:  Salads - specifically with strawberries, mandarin oranges, pecans, and blue cheese.  So I bought the goods to make one tonight.  But nothing I absolutely need to eat immediately.

Aversions:  None.  Nothing sounds bad.

Exercise: Same as last month - not much running happening, but been consistent with my 5 days/week at the gym doing cardio, squats/lunges, and free weights.  Also still loving the pilates/yoga class.  

Dreams: No new baby dreams.  Last night I dreamt I made out with Joel Mchale from The Soup.  He was an awful kisser - lots of drool.  Maybe the drooling was baby-related????

Clothing:  All maternity pants.  No new ones, though, as I am too cheap to buy any.  (Sense a theme here?) After I put on a pair of what I thought were "transitional jeans" (my normal size but cut looser/wider) and I ripped a huge hole in the crotch, I decided I better stop kidding myself.  The maternity pants still look ridiculous on me, all saggy and droopy so I have to constantly pull them up!  The bump needs to get seriously bigger for this look to work.  Oh, and my two pair of black leggings are getting a workout as well.  So comfy!  All tops must be maternity at this point - or at least one size bigger and of the billowy sort.

Heartbeat: 143

Baby movement: Yes!  Lots!  Started feeling them right before Christmas, in week 17.  Actually first felt them the night I spent vomiting due to a 24-hour stomach virus.  (I kept thinking, Poor little baby in there!)  Now I feel a lot more attached to baby.  Feeling him/her move around, especially when I feel it from the outside makes me very conscious of the life, the human, someone other than myself, inside me.  Coolest thing ever.

Gender speculation: My guess is now, very staunchly, boy!!!   When I felt really crappy during my first tri it was easy to blame it on it being a girl, since the pregnancy was so much different.  Now that I feel awesome, like I did with Cormac, I again feel this must be a another baby boy to add to the brood.  Although my blog poll to the right, as well as the old wives' tales all point to 'girl!'  Have you voted yet???!!!!

Baby names: Both boy and girl first names chosen a while ago - as in practically during last pregnancy.  The girl name is actually NOT the name I had picked out since I was twelve, although i still love that name.  The 'new' girl name I love just as much, is more uncommon, and goes better with our last name.  Here is this months hint:   neither name begins with a vowel.  I know - really helpful.  Again, we will do the same middle name whether a boy or a girl.  It is decidedly more of a "boy" name than a "girl" name, but is cute with both first names.

Hubby feels: More out of "out of the loop" this time around. I guess this pregnancy I don't read out of the week-by-week books each Sunday night like I did when Cormac was in my belly.   Now that I'm not nauseous I don't complain to him as much about being pregnant.  Plus, he hasn't felt the baby move yet.  It hasn't really become real yet, I don't think.

Bump progress:

      g

preggo vlogs #5 and #6

Another two installments of preggo vlogs - weeks 13 and 17 (I don't do them every week...just when I think of it!)

This is the 'one where I growl like a bear' - week 13 when I talk about gender {ignore what I say though...we are NOT finding out the gender ahead of time!!!} and also get sidetracked by my sweet son and various animal noises....

And week 17, the 'one where I look like my mom, and it freaks me out' and I talk about all the lovely things you should enjoy while pregnant.  Or not pregnant.  :)

Ultrasound tomorrow!

g

10 resolutions

1. Buy/wear more cute shoes.  I'll admit it.  I was a huge shoe lover pre-babies.  I spent eight years working in the shoe biz, so wearing fashionable footwear was a requirement that I relished.  After having Cormac I started seriously slacking in the stylish footwear department.  I have barely purchased any new shoes in the past two years, never mind cute ones.  More like comfortable and practical.  I still sometimes put on a pair of cute heels, but I'm now five months preggo, so it doesn't last long.

Source: vogueandcoffee.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

2. Have a natural birth.  You can read about my first birth here.  I wanted to go naturally, but if you have had a baby you know that plans can change.  This time I will be armed with an experienced doula and more realistic expectations on how long labor can take.   This girl is preparing for 20+ hours of hard labor.  Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised with 12-15?

3. Drink more water.  Yep, it's on the list again. I guess I need to quantify this.  How about 5 bottles (um, the smallish ones) a day?  Even that sounds like a lot...but here we go!

4. Gain less than 35 pounds this pregnancy.  I gained 38 last time, which I was fine with, and lost.  However, 35 sounds like a much nicer, more even odd number.  :)

5. Do yoga throughout my entire pregnancy.  I think I can do this one.  Been doing pi-yo each week and despite my burgeoning belly have managed to remain doing all the poses asked of me.  Except the one where we are supposed to lay on our tummy, reach back and grab our feet, and rock back and forth in the stretch.   I do child's pose during that one so I don't squash my, um, child. 

6. Bake more.  This Christmas I was such a good girl I was given a Kitchenaid mixer!  I didn't technically ask for this, even though I have wanted one for years...so it must be a sign. I really have to get my bake on.  Be prepared for plenty of posts on those adventures!

Source: jotpress.com via Greta on Pinterest

7. Run a half marathon.  I am planning on doing one that occurs here in late September.  I'm an avid runner (the consistent, 3 mile a day kind) who has done plenty of 5 and 10K races...but never a half marathon.  Excited!
8.  Be more patient with Hubby.  Sometimes I feel like I can be really patient with my toddler, but then my poor Hubby gets the brunt of my impatience.  Especially when it comes to the renovations on our house.  We are going on 11 weeks without a kitchen.  However, I am promised by the end of today, I will be able to cook dinner with operable appliances and clean countertops.  We shall see.  If not, then I will just try to be more patient.  {ps - it happened!  I cooked dinner for the first time in months!}
9. Decorate our master bedroom!  Since moving into the 'dream home' I haven't really decorated. {Hubby renovates, I decorate.}  Nothing looks very personal because we have walls to patch/paint, flooring to redo, bedrooms to move around, and all the little items that make a house a home {art, family photos, accessories} seems to be packed away in the basement.  BUT...the master bedroom will stay where it is, and it is already painted a color I love...so...new bedding, art to be hung, new rug, window panels/hardware, and accessories are in the works.  Reveal to come!
10. Host a baby shower!  (Not my own, don't worry.)  I've never hosted any type of shower before, so I am pretty pumped and thankful to my sweet friend for entrusting me with this honor.  Can't wait to share how everything turns out with you!

So what are your resolutions this year?  They say the best way to make a goal turn into reality is to write it down, share it with others to hold you accountable,  and journal about your progress...so...perhaps you will start a blog if you haven't already?  :D

Linking with Lauren and Tiffany...

Happy New Year!
g

ten reasons I'm afraid to have a girl

It's official.  We are having...
. . . . 
 . . . . 
  . . . . 
   . . . . 
    . . . .
to wait until the birth to find out the gender.  
Sorry!

I'm excited and petrified all at the same time.  I like to be super mentally/physically prepared for everything as much as is humanly possible, and waiting on the gender of our second babe is sure to be a challenge.

Hubby wants to wait - and am I now officially on board!  Er, as much as a control freak can be.

I figure we did it my way the first time, and it will be interesting to change it up a bit this pregnancy.

As I've been pretty open about, I've always pictured myself as a 'boy mama.'  I see myself as the 'alpha female' in the house.  I've loved my experience with Cormac, who is more and more 'boy' the older he gets.  Climbing on everything, jumping on everything, letting out gutteral boy yells constantly...and yet so, so, so affectionate and sweet.  He is a kisser, a hugger, a snuggler, a total lover.   I would adore another little boy.

However, there are things I could get really excited about if it is a girl, though, too.  I love girl clothes, girl decor, and almost all things girlie.  I know little girls who seem sweet, balance and normal.  Plus, from all I have heard girls are much easier when they are little {albeit harder when they reach the pre-teen/teen years.   But all in all, having a girl worries me more than it excites me.  Just being honest.

So we'll see.  God knows better than me what will be perfect for our fam.

'Til then, here are some girls and things about girls that scare this lil mama...

1. Honey Boo Boo.  So they say that having a girl 'steals the mother's beauty.'  Hmmm...

Source: imgfave.com via Jessica on Pinterest

2. Snooki

Source: google.com via Jessica on Pinterest

3. This picture.  I think it is supposed to be cute and make you want to have a little girl.  It has the opposite effect on me.  Makes my skin crawl.  Can we just let little girls be "kids" and not "miniature women?"  Eeesh.

Source: etsy.com via Lauren on Pinterest

4. The cost of prom/homecoming/dance classes, etc. etc. etc.
5. The cost of weddings.
6. The teenage years.  This is when I will have to get used to my baby that I birthed telling me how much she hates me and I "don't understand" which I probably won't.

7. The 'mommy issues' she will surely have.  I'm sorry, but even those who claim their mother is 'perfect and amazing' have 'mommy issues.'  Their issue in particular might be 'delusion.'

Source: someecards.com via Audrey on Pinterest

8. Watching her get her heart broken by boys I know are not worth her time anyway, but can't tell her that because it would only make her despise me. 'Nough said.

9. Being suspicious of every man that looks at her.

10. Mean girls.  Hopefully she wouldn't be one...but surely she will have to deal with them.

The only thing that restores my faith in having a daughter is reading Little Women or Jane Austen novels.  Surely my daughter will turn out like Jo March or Elizabeth Bennett, right?

Riiiight.

g

{christmas cousins}

I had written a whole post about Christmas traditions.  It was beautiful and enthralling.  Then I got hellaciously ill, then Christmas happened, then post-Christmas happened...and the moment for that post past.   Sigh.  Next year.  :)

So instead, I'll just share one of our new traditions - the 'cousin pic'!  Now that there are two sweet babies around during family gatherings, with more surely on the way, I really want to be able to look back and see how they grow throughout the years.

And remember their sweet Christmas pajamas.  Jammies.  Cozies.  However you say it in your house.

So here are the two babes we have so far - Cormac and Emmie.  

Aren't her cheeks amazing?

And just because I feel this photograph encapsulates the aftermath of Christmas celebrations for toddlers...here you go:

Merry Christmas!
g