twenty things {my good friends} should know.

I've been pondering the subject of friendship a lot lately.   What kind of friend am I?  Imperfect, like everyone else.  Sometimes I wish I could wear a T-shirt listing all my imperfections and desires in a friendship, just to save time in the friendship-making department.

In lieu of a T-shirt, here is a blog post.  :)

1. I'm not agreeable.  Sorry!  I will listen very respectfully to your opinion and I will never bash your beliefs.  I am okay being close friends with people who think differently than I do on big issues.  Those have been some of my most interesting relationships.  However, if you are looking for someone to just nod and agree with you, it's not me.  If asked my opinion on I will respond honestly.  If you ask me anything I will tell you honestly.   Even if I think you might not agree with it.

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

2.   I'm a Christian, but you don't have to be for us to be friends.  I believe in Jesus as my Savior and the one true, Triune God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I believe it is by grace through faith that when I die I will go to be with Him in heaven.  I believe in the Bible as complete truth.  As my friend, you don't need to believe this, and we don't need to talk about it.  Unless you want to.  Might be the most important conversation we ever have.  On that note:  I rarely will post on my blog regarding my religious beliefs.   I'm fine with those that do, as I think it can be an amazing witness.  I grew up with a preacher for a father, and I have had many, many deep conversations regarding Jesus and my beliefs with non-Christians over the years {even when I was a little one.}   I pray that some of these conversations led the listeners toward the Lord...or at least made them think about things differently.  However, I don't want my blog to be a place where anyone feels alienated.  I don't want to come off as some "perfect, super-Christian" who spouts off Bible verses during normal conversation and relates everything back to my faith.  Not that I think, from any of my posts, that I would come off "perfect" EVER...probably the opposite...but you know what I mean.  If you want to know my beliefs, or someone to talk to about anything to do with Christianity and the love of Jesus -- please email me at greta.r.ford@hotmail.com.  I love those conversations...I just want those I engage with those that have an open heart/mind.

Source: thegiftsoflife.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

Source: blogs.women24.com via Greta on Pinterest

3. I really appreciate and need my alone time.  I don't feel incredibly pressed to fill my days with social engagements or make sure I am texting/calling people constantly.  Which brings us to...

4. I suck at using my cell phone.   Half the time I don't know where it is, the other half I forget to text/call people back.  I went several years in college without a cell phone at all...and survived just fine. {I kind of loved my answering machine.  It couldn't bother during class or go off during yoga or a movie.}  Don't feel snubbed if I don't return your text or don't call back.  It is not that I don't like you.  I just don't have my {super basic, total opposite of an iPhone} with me, usually.  You are better off emailing me.

5. Besides the cell phone, I am a very reliable person, and I expect the same from others.  I get really excited and count on things that are planned/promised.  When they don't...I can take it pretty hard.  Changes of plans I was looking forward to = unhappy girl!  Might be because I am a major planner and preparer, both mentally and physically.

6.  I admire hard work - and I'm really cheap frugal.  I grew up hearing my parents say, "If you want expensive clothing, gas for your car, or any extra spending cash you will have to get a job and work for it."  I'm definitely not complaining...I had a loving childhood with a roof over my head and food on the table.  But because of our lack of extras/fancy things I will always view money as something to use very wisely and will save a buck wherever I can.  Hubby and I follow Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace guidelines.   I want my son to grow up with the attitude that working hard is part of life, and that he should live within or, preferably, below his means.  So I guess, as my friend, it is important you know that I won't really sympathize if you complain about your dire financial circumstances, yet go out and buy a Coach purse.   Or live in a house with a really high mortgage.  Or have a fancy car...okay, you get the idea.  My thoughts are: enjoy your life, as much as you can afford to.  Or better yet, save your money and enjoy the simple, inexpensive things.

Source: cherrybam.tumblr.com via Greta on Pinterest

7. My love language is 'quality time.'  If you have not read the book The Five Love Languages you absolutely should.  It will help you understand your friends and loved ones better, and how to love them better.  For example...Gifts are nice, but they don't do a lot for me.  I don't take compliments very well, and feel awkward when anyone gushes over me.  I love physical affection, but it's not a requirement.  And please, please don't try to do things for me -- eck!   That makes me feel the opposite of loved.  {sorry all you 'acts of service' lovers out there!!!} My love language is absolutely, without a doubt, quality time.  It is how I naturally love, and the way I prefer to be loved.
      If I love you I will make the effort to be there for you at your most important moments.  I will spend the money to travel for weddings.  If we haven't hung out in a while I will make it happen.  I do my darnedest to visit you in the hospital if you are sick or when you have your first baby, and make sure I have an aisle seat at your wedding so I can beam at you {and cry} when you walk down the aisle.  You can bet your butt I will help you celebrate your 30th if you feel like partying.  I expect the same from my close friends and family.  Those are the things that make me feel the most loved.

8.  I have a short fuse.  I'm working on this, and usually the only people who ever see my temper are those that I am very close to, but I definitely have had some moments.  The funny thing is, becoming a mama has caused me to be a lot more even-keel.  From the moment I got pregnant I felt more balanced and calm.  Anyone else experience this?  Anyway, there are still moments when my anger will rear it's ugly head, and I deal with that as best I can.

9. I love wine.  Red wine.  Full-bodied, fairly dry, red, red wine.  {feel free to sway and sing that song in your head the rest of the day.}  I love drinking wine with girlfriends.  Please limit me to two glasses, as I am a lightweight...but if I haven't drank my two glasses please don't stare at me strangely and ask if I am "drunk already?" just because I am giggling and seem incredibly happy.   It's just because I am happy.  Because I'm drinking two glasses of wine.  Please allow this lightweight wine-drinking mama enjoy her two glasses and act as silly as she pleases without judgement!  :)

10.  My face is REALLY expressive.  To the point that it offends people.  Any emotion that I have, however fleeting, will flash across my face.  I've had people get pretty upset because I've curled my lip or widened my eyes at something they've said...when really I am not mad or annoyed.  I always tell people, "Pay no attention to my facial expressions!"  I have vowed to work on this, for sweet Cormac's sake if nothing else.

11.  I must not, under any circumstances, get really hungry.  See #8.

12.  I love to cook, even if I am not "the best."  I am learning and I love it!  If you are having an event, please ask me to bring something!!!

13.  I love to play!   I love playing with my baby, acting super silly, rolling around on the floor, or chasing him.  I don't mind sitting with him and playing with toys.  I don't mind doing the same goofy game over and over and over to keep him laughing.  I love throwing him in the air and spinning him around.  Playing is probably my favorite part about being a mama.  I never had such a wonderful excuse to be completely goofy before!

14.  I devote a lot of time to exercise.  I don't expect you, as my friend, to also do this...however, I will encourage you to be healthy, as I want the best for you.   However, if you are not into exercising six days a week, please don't poo-poo my efforts!  I work hard, and a true friend will respect that and appreciate it.

Source: bravegirlsclub.com via Greta on Pinterest

15. I want you to be you.  It's nice to have things in common with friends (particularly wine drinking tendencies) but we don't need to have everything in common.  If you are not a camper, it's cool!  If you really hate goat cheese, no worries!  Not interested in cooking, no prob.   I'll never pretend to like things I don't -- don't feel like you have to, either!  Besides, perfect {or the attempt to be} is boring, and your quirks make you beautiful.

Source: observando.net via Greta on Pinterest

16.   I value a few close friends, and my family, over a ton of so-so friendships and acquaintances.  I don't have 1000 Facebook friends.  I don't know what that says about me, but I'm okay with it.

17.  I love food.  I love to eat and try new foods.   I will try anything once.  I've rarely met a food I haven't liked.  I've been a vegetarian before and a pescatarian.  Both are fine choices that I truly respect.  However, I am okay eating anything that I choose.   If we are really friends, please don't pick at your food.  Relish it!  Please feel free to fully enjoy it in front of me.  Don't worry about things being caught in your teeth.  {remember - comfort! realness!}

18.  I like my house tidy and clutter-free...but I really don't care if yours is a hot mess.   Please don't run around picking up just 'cause I'm coming to visit, I seriously just care about hanging out with you and not much else! :D  Plus, I'm a "big picture" gal,  not very detail-oriented, so I won't notice your dusty mantle.

19.  I love being a mama...but it's not the only thing I like to talk about.   Unless we are on a playdate, or the baby is with me out of necessity, I probably am trying to escape mommyhood for a moment so let's please talk about anything but babies.

20.  I think comfort is the sign of true friendship.  Conversation with a true friend should feel real.  If you don't feel comfortable just being yourself, and feel the need to put in a ton of effort to make it fun...maybe the friendship is not meant to be {and that is okay.}  Let's just hang out and be really real, shall we?  :)

What would your "T-shirt" say?

What do you look for in a friendship with someone else?

{just something to ponder...completely rhetorical}

g

blueberry {superfood} salad

I love fruit in my salads, 

but I'd never tried blueberries until now.

So. glad. I. did.

Sorry for the photo quality -- I made this at about 9pm with no natural light! :(

Super easy.  Super healthy. Super-foodie!  

{walnuts, spinach, blueberries!}

You will need:

1 pint of blueberries

1 package of baby spring mix or baby spinach

1 4 oz. tub of crumbled feta 

1/2 cup of walnut pieces 

{I toast mine in a single layer on a baking sheet for five minutes at 350}

optional: 1 chicken breast, cooked and sliced

Dressing: 

 1/3 cup olive oil

2/3 cup red wine vinegar

1-2 tbsp dijon mustard - depending how tangy you like it

To make salad: Arrange greens on plates, add blueberries, walnuts, feta and chicken {if using} and drizzle with dressing.

{recipe based off one I saw recently in a Kroger mailer - however I made a few small changes and the dressing I concocted.  not sure how to cite that as I have nothing to link it to, but thanks Kroger peeps!}

Makes 2 large meal-size salads, or 4 side salads.

So good! 

Have a {fabulous} weekend!

g

PS - another 'my life' post next friday!

sorry -- been busy with projects and slacking on the writing...

{hydrangea, etc.}

Hydrangeas are by far my favorite summer bloom, so I am very happy they are back in full force in my flower beds this year, as last year did not bloom at all!  Anyone else have this issue with 'endless summer' hydrangea plants?  Also, anyone have experience adjusting the soil acidity to create a different color of hydrangea?  If so, I'd love advice as next year I'd like to try this -- and go for a bright blue hue! 
Here are some shots of my very pink hydrangeas, along with a few other garden lovelies...

coneflower ready to bloom!

one purple coneflower has fully bloomed so far...many more to come!

'may night' salvia is going strong

buddha keeps the perennial peace

What is blooming in your garden?
g

{jen's shower}

Jen is one of Hubby's sisters.

She has a beautiful blog here.

She is having a baby girl she is naming Emmie Collins {first&middle}

Too darling, right?

Today was her baby shower!

It was thrown by her pretty and very crafty girlfriends.

Here are some shots of the party -- 

1. 'emmie bingo'

2. vintage little women novel

3. sweet notes were written for baby girl and mama.

 4.  many adorable onesies were designed 

5. gift opening!

6. me and jen

 a sweet & girlie time was had by all.

{love}

g

my life: College Part 3 - Graduation

Currently doing a auto-bio series, hoping to reflect, learn, and grow...and for you to get to know this blogger better!  To catch up read:

1.  the kiddo years 

2. the 'tween years

3. high school 

4. College Part 1

5. meeting{future}hubby

6. Portland

7. the breakup

8. College Part 2

9. the proposal

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

So I gave the ring back.  Some may call me heartless or selfish.  A man eater, perhaps.

I call it doing what I thought was the best decision for both of us.  Marriage is kind of a huge deal...and I didn't want to enter into something I could not, at the time, fully commit to.

The thought overwhelmed me...and I didn't want to feel that way when I thought of being engaged.  It should be an exciting and beautiful part of the relationship.  (Paul has since said he wasn't quite ready for marriage then either.)

So after the camping trip in which I tearfully returned the ring to Paul, we parted ways.  I had no idea what to expect now.  We were still together, technically, but as you can imagine after such momentous heartache...things were different.  Paul needed space.  I needed to graduate and figure out what the heck I wanted from our relationship.

Not long after our engagement ended we took a weekend trip to Chicago, where both us of had close friends living.  There were some fun moments, like eating oysters at the little joint where my friend Rach worked, as well as some enjoyable sushi and exploring the city.

But the trip was also really, really hard.  Paul and I got into a huge fight, there was lots of drama, there was lots of questioning if we should even be together.  At the end of the weekend, we still loved each other, but it was strained, to say the least.

I became an auntie during that last semester!

Fall semester started back at my college, my final semester, and I threw myself into my last few classes.  I even asked for a demotion at my job at the shoe store, from my salaried assistant manager position back down to an hourly keyholding manager, complete with a paycut,  just so I could concentrate more on school and less on work.  I am very fortunate my boss was really, really understanding and flexible with my schedule and needs at the time.  He even transferred me to a less-stressful, lower-volume location when I shared it was getting to be too much.

So I moved from my beautiful one-bedroom to a more modest {yet, still my style} studio in the same building,  and hunkered down to finish my degree - to graduate, at long last.

I barely had a social life those last few months.  I just worked, studied, and, of course, ran/worked out - my ultimate stress-reliever and "happy place."

Paul and I still talked on the phone, but half of the time we argued or it was stressful.  We weren't really together.  I was living my life, and he was living his.  He was preparing to move to Cincinnati and start a new life and role within his company there.  What was I going to do after graduation?  How did I fit in to his life, and vice versa?   I still hadn't decided.

One thing we did decide during that semester?  That he would come to Minnesota the weekend of my graduation.  I was happy...it wouldn't feel right if he wasn't there, as I considered him to be one of my best friends -- basically part of my family. They all adored him, too.

I graduated December 15th of 2005 with my BA in English Literature.  I managed all A's that final semester, ending my undergraduate education with a respectable 3.4 GPA.  I was pretty proud, considering I had flunked out my freshman year, what seemed like ages ago.  Oh, how life {and I} had changed dramatically.

While many in my class ditched the ceremony altogether, I walked across that stage with a huge, proud grin on my face.

I didn't have any big graduation party, but something more my style: a big Italian dinner out with my family and Paul.  We dined at the nearby downtown Buca diBeppo and drank {as a family}an enormous bottle of Chianti.  Which, by the way, I display in my dining room even today, reminding me of that special night.

Paul and I continued my graduation weekend having a really amazing time together.  There was a sushi dinner at one of our favorite places on Grand Avenue, Saji-Ya:

sake bombs!

this is why I don't do shots.

We even went out to a sports bar and watched a UK basketball game together.  I marveled at how passionate he was about his alma mater's basketball team.  I didn't know how much I would need to embrace it someday!

During that weekend we talked about the possibility of me moving to Cincinnati, now that I was done with school.  I still wasn't sure.  It was a huge step that would completely uproot me from my home state of Minnesota, causing me to leave a city I loved, my family that I was extremely close to, and possibly lose my job, which had slowly become a career.  I enjoyed being a retail manager, while making enough money to support myself and live a comfortable life.   I loved the company and everyone I worked with,  and really had no plans to quit.

Was I ready to leave all of that to pursue a relationship that had been on-and-off, up-and-down for years?  We weren't engaged and had no plans to be.  Could I really leave everything and move to Cincinnati for Paul alone?

The answer?  No.

I couldn't move just for him.  It was too crazy, even for me.  I needed a plan.  I needed to do things my way.

So I called up the district manager for the Ohio area of the shoe store I was working for.  I had met him once.  Basically I said, "Hey, remember me?  Any possibility you could get me a job in Cincinnati?"

Well, he did remember me, and he did get me a job.  A promotion, even!  I would go back to being a salaried manager.  A huge relief came over me.  Because I would have a job, I could then support myself financially in Cincinnati, so if for some reason things didn't work out with Paul, I would at least have my own apartment and some sort of life besides him.  I wanted my own apartment there, and my own career, and my own life.  Just in case.

With "get a job" off my list, I was willing to take the plunge and move across the country.

I told Paul -- who was ecstatic!

I told my family -- who were not as ecstatic...but they were supportive, none-the-less.

At Christmas I made another change -- I chopped my hair into a bob!  My first time ever with hair above my shoulders, and I loved it!  It felt more "me" than the long hair I'd had my entire life.

Then, for NewYear's Eve I flew to Louisville to spend it with Paul.  We went out with several of his good friends and their girlfriends and had a really fantastic time.  This photograph pretty much sums up the night:

January of 2006 was spent hammering out the details of my move, saying goodbye to friends and loved ones in Minnesota, and packing up my life.

Goodbye to Minnesota, my home for twenty four years.

Hello to a new city...and new adventures yet to be written.

Next chapter:  Cincinnati
g

mama confessions: another day in the life

Sometimes Hubby will joke around with me and ask, 

"What do you do all day?"  

{at least I think he is joking}

Well, babe, this one's for you...

6am - Mama up.  First and foremost, coffee must be made.  I blog and check FB and email, plan my day in my trusty planner, or sometimes scrap all that and head to an early class at the gym.

7am - Baby up.  Change diaper, hang out with Dada, walk the dog and have some outside time.

7:30am - Bottle. 

8:00am - Breakfast for mama and baby!  We eat together most always.  We eat the same things, for convenience sake.  Fruit, toast, yogurt, hot cereal are typical.  

  Then I clean up the kitchen while he bangs around on the kitchen floor with whatever crap I hand him.  Kid-friendly crap, of course.

8:30am - Cleaning time...meaning I quickly do that day's "special cleaning task" {ie bathrooms or mirrors/windows or vacuuming, or whatever it is} while baby hangs out with me playing with toys or being entertained by me.  Multi-tasking - this is a skill that mamas quickly master.

Also, patience -- because everything takes ten times longer to accomplish.

I do as much as I can in these 15-20 minutes.

I'm glad I have a fairly small home to clean.

8:45am - Playtime in nursery.  Now is when we wind down for the first nap.  We have a lot of fun.   I find I really love to play around with him - particularly physical, rough-and-tumble play.
Which works well as a 'boy mama.' 

9:00am - Nap #1 - which lasts anywhere from 1 - 2 hours.  While he sleeps I use the time to do all the dishes, start the laundry if necessary, and wipe down the kitchen.  Then, if I still have time,  I can blog, exercise, or work on projects I'm doing around the house.

10:30 - Baby wakes up.  After a diaper change and some play time we haul out the jogging stroller and do a 3 mile run together.   Or we'll go to the gym and he'll play in the playroom and I'll do yoga or spinning or strength-training for an hour.  Then we do our cool down, meaning baby plays with toys in the room with me while I quickly shower and get dressed.

11:30 - Bottle.

12:00 - Lunch for Mama and Baby!   We'll have anything from whole wheat bread and avocado to a chicken and cheese quesadilla to mac n cheese.  I always include a fruit/veggie, bread, and dairy item.  Sometimes meat.  Yes, he eats whatever I prepare.  If he won't eat any, then he just doesn't eat.   No, I don't buy all organic.  Yes, I will sometimes give him a bit of cookie.  Not trying to win any "mama of the year" awards, clearly.

That being said, mealtime is really fun!

It also helps that I eat with him so that I don't get really hungry when he is napping and eat a whole bag of Oreos.  Seriously helps portion control!  

12:30 - Playtime!  Usually in nursery.  It's a fun room to hang out in, and most of his toys are there.  I don't keep toys in every room...less for me to pick up.

And this kid will make a serious mess.
This is what happens when we hang out in the office.
Every time.

1:00pm - Nap #2.  This nap is becoming shorter so I am thinking he is going to end up as a morning napper.  Anyway, during this hour or so I will sometimes relax, read a book, or occasionally nap.  Sometimes I'll blog.  Maybe fold laundry.  

2:30pm - 5:30pm - Baby is up and after a diaper change and some play time we gear up for any planned outings. Short shopping trips, play dates, or gardening are usual romps.  Sometimes we won't go anywhere, but if we went to the gym in the morning that day we will do our 3 mile run during this time.  Also, this is when I finish all the laundry if it was a laundry day.  We'll both have a snack around 3pm.

5:30 - Bottle.

6:00pm - Dinner for Baby!  This meal I don't eat with him, although I may snag a few bites while I feed him.  He doesn't really mind, as he feeds plenty of bites to the dog.

6:30pm - Bath, book, play, songs, prayers...

7:00pm - Bedtime for Baby!  

The rest Hubby should know...

I make us an "adult" meal while drinking a glass of wine and checking my favorite internet haunts.

Dinner is not always "fancy," although I like trying new recipes and making it interesting.  

The night I wrote this, however,  I grilled hot dogs...

and yes, still drank wine.

I ooze classiness sometimes.

wow -- isn't that backsplash coming right along??? still not done.

Then Hubby and I will watch a show on DVR, eat dinner, and head to bed.

Of course...this is all subject to change on the weekends.  But I keep my weekdays pretty routine.

Control-freak, much? 
:) 

So that is a typical day.

I know every stay-at-home mama does things differently.
 There are on-the-go, schedule-free mamas -- the by-the-schedule, routine-lovin' mamas like me --- and everything in between.

I think the important thing is to do what works for you 

and your babies! 

Also, please don't get the impression that my SAHM life runs smoothly every day, or that my little Cormac is a "perfect baby."  I myself tend to tune out when parents try to present their kiddos as "perfect."  No such thing...also, annoying.

On occasion he refuses to: eat, sleep, look me in the eye,
or let go of a fist-full of my hair. He has major meltdowns...

There are some days I just pray that Hubby comes home early so I can crawl into bed {with a glass of wine, of course} and hide.

And that's okay.

:)

g

my life: the proposal

Currently doing a auto-bio series, hoping to reflect, learn, and grow...and for you to get to know this blogger better!  To catch up read:

1.  the kiddo years 

2. the 'tween years

3. high school 

4. College Part 1

5. meeting{future}hubby

6. Portland

7. the breakup

8. College Part 2

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

He was like a breath of fresh air.  Everything about him: the way he was dressed, his hair, his mannerisms.  It was like I was meeting him for the first time -- like we were on a first date.

during our sushi date...uh, clearly still feelings there!

It was my first time eating sushi -- he ordered rolls and pieces that were gentle on 'beginners,' and then showed me how to eat it properly.  I loved everything about it, even his wine choice - it all tasted sweet on my lips.

I got the feeling he had grown up from the boy I had fallen in love with.  Now he was a man, living on his own, with career aspirations and even more confidence than he had before.

During our conversation I began to wonder why I had been wasting my time dating guys that I had known in my heart weren't compatible with me.   Why had I settled with less than I knew I deserved?   Paul was interesting, intelligent, fun, ambitious, polite...the type of man I should have been looking for.   And now here he was, right in front of me, smiling warmly and making me feel something I hadn't felt in forever:  hope. Hope that there would actually be a sweet ending to my love story...not just a bunch of crazy, albeit interesting, beginnings.

Towards the end of our long and enlightening reunion lunch, and I enthusiastically suggested I fly to Tennessee to visit him for a weekend.  He, to my surprise, did not exactly jump at the idea.  He said maybe.  He'd call me.  We'd talk about it.  It was kind of like he didn't really want me to.  

Wow.  I was disappointed, but hid my feelings and agreed to talk more about it later.  I didn't really get it, as he said he didn't have any serious girlfriend there.

Turns out he was guarding his heart.  Who could blame him?   I felt like I had trampled his heart about a million times over the past few years.

I eventually did end up visiting him in Jackson, TN  -- St. Patrick's Day weekend.   We tried to keep it casual at first, but very quickly it was clear we were both wanting to try things again.  Er, actually I made it pretty clear by making the first move.  

We had such a great weekend. In Jackson we had a blast hanging out at his apartment, touring where he worked, even attending church together.  Then we drove to Memphis, ate at a Brazilian steakhouse, danced on Beale Street, and decided, after much discussion, to get back together.  To try a long-distance relationship while I was finishing college.   We both were financially able to make it work.  Whether or not we would emotionally be able to handle it was another story.  We knew it would be tough, but we felt so strongly about each other that it would be crazy not to at least try.

And so began our long distance romance - me still in Minnesota, with less than a year of college left, and him in Tennessee.  

Paul's apartment in Jackson -- I promise we're not naked.

derby eve - louisville 

after brunch with his family - louisville

central park, nyc

 nyc

out in st. paul

kentucky derby - the infield

We managed to survive the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship for the next four months.  Each time we saw each other was a whirlwind of fun and excitement.  I guess this was okay, considering the first time we dated we spent nearly every second together, living in our tiny apartment, experiencing all the mundanities of normal life.

We travelled to see each other, talked on the phone a lot, emailed, he made a couple completely surprise visits...which were amazing. There was our typical bickering, and a few major fights.  I'll never claim we've ever been that couple who never quarreled -- we did on a regular basis.  In general, though, it was going very well.  We were definitely hopeful for a future together, someday.

In late June of 2005 we took a trip to Cincinnati.  I'd never been, and he wanted to show me around this city where his career was going to take him soon.  He would be done with the position in Tennessee within the next six months and would be moving to Cincy.

I really liked the city from the start.  Not in the same way that I loved the Twin Cities...but I can say that I immediately felt comfortable and "at home" in the much smaller city of Cincinnati.  Kind of strange, as I'd been to many large cities and never gotten such a distinct "liveable" feeling.  Again, this was God at work in my head and heart.

Paul excitedly showed me everything he could that he thought I might like.  We went to the nearby amusement park, drove around trendy neighborhoods, stayed in a hotel downtown and explored the area thoroughly...I had no idea he had very specific reasons for wanting me to like Cincinnati. 

fountain square

the 'purple people bridge'

view of mount adams

where paul would eventually work 

On Saturday night of our Cincinnati trip, he told me to get dressed up.  This wasn't really surprising, as I dressed up a lot and always had a dress packed just in case.  He knew I loved 'getting fancy' every once in a while.

So I donned a short black dress with pale pink piping, and he, of course, coordinated with me in a pink dress shirt and black pants.  (Yes, we are nerdy like that.)

We went to a popular dining and drinking area called Mount Adams - I made fun of it because it is more like a big hill, unlike any mountain I had ever climbed, but it was very quaint and sort of European-feeling...so I was enamored by his choice.

He led me to a tiny seafood place called Mount Adams Fish House. We had drinks and a wooden slab full of decadent sushi pieces.

I was having a grand time, as always, with the man that I loved...and didn't feel dorky eating sushi in front of.  Even though I might have looked dorky.

During dinner, I couldn't help notice an unusual amount of nervous energy in my date.  Paul seemed to be really energized - much more than usual.  As we conversated he could not keep a huge grin off his face.  I didn't think much of it, except that it was kind of odd.

Then he suggested we take a walk.  Again, didn't think much of it.  Paul is a romantic guy who frequently surprised me.  A walk was not uncommon, except that it was pitch black out and he didn't really seem to know where we were walking to.  Several times he led us down a street and then decided it was not the right way to go.  Finally, he led me to a staircase.  A steep staircase covered by a thick arbor of tree branches.  I couldn't see the bottom.  To be honest, it looked scary.

I refused to go down it - visions of attackers in the shadows with knives dancing in my head.

He was not expecting my reaction, and tried for several minutes to coerce me down the steps.

No success - I wouldn't budge.  I'm not easily coerced into anything.  Plus, I didn't feel like dying.

So he aquiesced to my stubbornness and abandoned the staircase to find another way down to wherever it was he was trying to take us.  He still wouldn't specify.

Finally, we reached our destination.  A park bench situated on the side of the cliff, and the end of a tiny dead-end street.  It gave us a panoramic view of the lights of Cincinnati:

sorry - cheap camera and only photo I have!

It really was a fantastic view of the city and I took that to be the reason he had gone through all that trouble to get me there.  I was completely oblivious to any other intentions.  Completely.

Since I had my camera with, I suggested we take some nerdy, romantic self-pics while we sat there.  He , of course, humored me and we snagged a few lovey-dovey shots:

he hates this photo...I love it

Then his mood turned serious.  Even though I couldn't see his face, I could tell he wanted to tell me something important.  Still, I was completely oblivious.

He started out saying he had "not been honest" with me about something.

Not a good start.  My heart quickened and stomach tightened.  I thought he was going to tell me he had cheated on me or something equally heartbreaking.   I held my tongue and listened as he explained.

"I told you I went to a movie with a friend the other night, but I didn't go see a movie..."

"Okaaaaaaay..." I had no idea where this was going.

Then he went into a long explanation of what he had really been doing but, to be honest, I cannot remember anything he said because all of a sudden he was down on one knee, on the side of the "mountain", in the black of night, pulling something out of his pocket and asking,

"Will you marry me?"  

I was in complete and utter shock.  This was the moment every woman imagines her entire life, and all of a sudden it was happening.  Here I was, twenty four, being asked by the love of my life to marry him.  It should have been an easy answer.

However, my heart was in my throat, and all I could honestly think was, "I'm not ready for this yet!!!"  I wasn't done with school yet, we still lived in different states, it had been forever since we'd had a "normal" dating relationship...was I even ready for the huge commitment of marriage?  Was he? 

At the same time, I couldn't imagine saying no.  I knew in my heart he was the only man I could ever marry.  He truly was who I wanted to spend my life with.  Have babies with.  He was now asking me to do just that.   It was the perfect night, the perfect proposal, the perfect guy...How could I possibly say 'no?'

So I swallowed my doubts, and, I'll admit it, panic, and exclaimed, "Yes!" and we tearfully kissed and embraced, and the diamond ring I still hadn't even seen was placed on my finger on that dark hillside.

Then, of course, we snapped a few "newly engaged" photos:

this princess cut was exactly what I imagined on my finger - simple and classic

We then proceeded to do the things that newly engaged couples do: tell our families and friends and start planning the wedding.

None of it felt real to me.  At 24 I had no idea what kind of wedding I wanted.  While I had always daydreamed about being proposed to, I was not the girl who had been planning her wedding since she was four.   I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of making decisions about such a huge event.

Plus, we still both lived in different states!  My whole life was in Minnesota.  I still had to finish college.We tossed around the idea of a destination wedding, but that didn't really seem right either.  My mom and sister took me dress shopping, and even though many of the gowns looked gorgeous, I was strangely detached and uninterested.  Not a good sign when shopping for the most important dress of your life.

I did not feel ready for any of it.  I felt overwhelmed.  I felt suffocated.  I felt out-of-control of my own life.  I did not want to plan a wedding yet.  I was mentally incapable of dealing with all of the changes being thrust upon me.

I loved Paul with all my heart, but...

I freaked out.

A month later, while we were on a camping trip with my family in northern Minnesota, sitting in a canoe in the twilight, loons crying in the distance...

I gave the ring back.

Tearful, scared, but resolute.  The hardest thing I've ever done.

The engagement was over...but were we over?

Next up...

College Part 3: Graduation 
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