six years.

his first selfie.

The thirteenth marked six years since Cormac was born, and I became a mama.

As I reflect on his birth and motherhood, I realize how much both of these things changed me so much as a person...and I thank God for that.  I often refer to Cormac as my "lifesaver baby" as, while I won't go into specific reasons, his arrival in the womb has always represented grace for me.  Grace that God gave me to forgive myself and to move forward and make changes in my life.  I don't believe having a baby is a "fix all" for anything, but having this baby certainly changed me for the better.

golden hour.

Cormac is smart (sometimes smarter than me), logical, joyful, analytical, highly sensitive to stimulus, thoughtful, and perceptive.

Lately he is obsessed with math and Legos and Power Rangers.

He is learning chess from Daddy and seems to love the strategy of it all. {insert blank-face emoji from me}

He likes time to himself more now, or time one-on-one with me or Hubby.  While he loves time with friends (it has been so fun to see actual friendships blossom in the last year!) he seems to take after me in that large groups and over-stimulating atmospheres are not his jam and can stress him out. Totally get it, dude.

He is literally my biggest fan when it comes to essential oils and being supportive of my business venture in that.  He asks me questions daily, always want to help me practice teaching, smells the oils and has me guess which one it is, and -- the best part -- tells me how he prays for my business. What?!?!?  Yes, he seriously tells me that.  Since I know how God values the prayers of little children, I feel like this is the most precious thing my son could do for me.

The past year has contained some awesome milestones for little Mac...

• He learned the fine art of sarcasm.
• Overcame extreme fear of water and getting water in his eyes.  Now swims like a fish!
• Figured out how to tell a (funny) joke.  Like, actually having a punchline.  "Was that funny, Mom?  I made it up."  
• Proficient at 3rd grade level math. Okay, well, at least he can do reasoning and computation that I didn't remember doing until 3rd grade.  (Learned mostly from dad.) 
• Can read and sound out words. (Does not initiate reading books by himself, though.)
• Can articulate that he is overstimulated and needs personal space.  (Learned mostly from mom.)

I'll close this birthday post with a slideshow.  (I know these are out-of-fashion but my kids LOVE them.)  I put some of our favorite pics from past year to Cormac's favorite song of the moment.

I'm glad you are so happy, Mac!  You make me happy to be a mama.  

five.

I have to say that motherhood has been the most lovely adventure I've been on so far.  

It all started five years ago for me.  I was completely clueless -- as we all are, no matter how many books we read or classes we drag our husband to prior to the birth. The idea of raising another human, a sweet little baby, seemed pretty neat to my naive brain -- then he was placed in my arms and all of a sudden the concept of motherhood was overwhelming and too all-important a thing to even fathom.

My focus became this kid.  I quit my job, a job I truly liked and where I was on track for another promotion, two weeks after I went back to work after maternity leave without much of a backward glance...I knew exactly where my heart was and what I wanted to be spending my days doing.  I don't think this is necessary/healthy for every mama out there...but for me it was.  I had prayed fervently that God would lead me where he wanted me to be...and He gave me a clear answer.

Hanging out with this kid.  Learning to be a mama.  Still learning.

Cormac still rocks my world almost every day.  Now having the experience of being both a boy and a girl mom, I see the differences and they are lovely.

Cormac has endless thoughts running through his head, and is constantly buzzing with the energy of one who is trying to get the most out of every moment of his day.  Even when he is watching a show on TV, he is also bouncing on the couch or building a trap.

He loves to draw out plans for tanks, ships, and treasure maps.  I enjoy watching his magical world of adventure enfold every day.

He is super bossy and quite controlling.  I think this may be a "first child" thing, but wow!  He thinks he gets to make all the rules and if they are not followed to a T he can get quite worked up.  We are working on how to be an effective leader, not a tyrant.

I know we live in a parenting world where we are supposed to turn up our noses at our kids having lots of toys ("don't spoil them!!!!"  or "get those kids outdoors, not in their room!") but I'll openly admit that I delight in Cormac's obsession with toys.  (Finola does not have this at all.)    I love the stories he makes up about his "guys" and finding fake spiders everywhere and hearing him make sound effects to go along with all his elaborate stories.   I love that he gets SO excited about cool stuff he sees at Target (like his mama.)  I think maybe it is not even the toy aspect, but just seeing my kid have such JOY about something!  You see the eyes light up and how exuberant he gets telling you all about whatever it is...and that is just plain cool to me.   I remember being like that about things...and still am about certain things.   Nothing compares to a child's joy, though.

He is still a bit small for his age, but smart and healthy.   I'll take it!

His emotions run the gamut!  He feels every feel really fully, which I can totally relate to.

Cormac completed his second year of pre-school and did awesome!  He now can easily write his name and count past one hundred.  He gets kinda frustrated with sounding out words...but we've discovered that he does better with an online phonics program he can navigate independently rather than someone teaching him one on one.

Here are some of my favorite photos from the past year of my favorite little boy in the whole wide world...

On a Target date with mama.  He always picks Target for our dates...which is awesome.

He loves finding sticks that magically transform into weapons.  Notice Finola "hiding" in the background!

first day of 4's pre-school!  

enjoying the snow!

very sweet with small babies, like his cousin Sloane.

hanging with sis at the library.

this couch, fairly new, has already taken a beating from constant jumping, fort making, and lounging weirdly.

5th bday!  this is pre-party at our house...darth vader theme, as he loves "bad guys" 

a darth vader costume was a must.

Birthday party fun!  This was the first party where we stuck with inviting his "friends" -- a loose term at five, but still cool to actually see some relationships that have bloomed!

Very skeptical during his first hibachi grill experience.  He is skeptical about most things. 

Dressed as the hulk.  He loves putting on costumes!

Creepy faces are his jam.

I'm sure this was totally safe (photo taken by Dada) 

Tried soccer this year.  He didn't love it.

Forever this kid is picking flowers for mama.

Singing in his Christmas program - went better this year!

Helping mama make his favorite cookies for Santa-- chocolate chip with M&M's!

Mama and son.  His looks favor his Dada overall...but he's got my eye color, nose and lips!

Collecting shells on the beach during our Gulf Shores trip.  He always finds a project to do!

This kid has my heart.

He built the throne behind that Finola is sitting on -- he was so proud!

Halloween is still hands down his favorite holiday!

As a creepy skeleton for Halloween!

Blowing out the candles at his bouncy house party!

So five years have passed in a heartbeat.

From the moment I first held you, all gooey and new...

...to barely being able to get you to stop moving for a hug at your 5th birthday party!

   

The world is yours, little Mac!  I hope year six is amazing and full of new adventures!

(For both of us!)

the beginnings of fall.

We usually think of spring as when everything begins again - the earth blossoms out of the deadness of winter.

However, I have always felt like spring is more of a prelude to the end of the year, to summer, an epilogue to whatever book was written that year. Fall is when you start fresh.

To that thought - a new school year has begun for Cormac! He is now in the "4's" class, which is basically "pre-pre-K," as one of my friends recently referred to it.  Yes, it is completely unnecessary (I skipped pre-K and did just fine, right?) but I think it is kinda fun to see him as a student and learning things outside of the realm of our everyday life together.

Due to Hubby and I recently being out of the country (post on that soon!) Cormac missed his first week of school.  Ugh. As someone who hates to feel behind in things this kinda bothered me a bit. After everyone reminded me that "it's just pre-school" and "he'll be fine" about a hundred times I let it go.  Our travel dates were non-negotiable, so I kinda had to.

We were able to attend his "Welcome Day" before we left and so I took "first day" pics that day.  I can't even believe how big he has gotten in just one year.  And mature.  Sometimes I think he has it more together than I do.  He seems to approach things fearlessly (uh, except water parks) and make these really intelligent, logical statements out of nowhere.  And he knows the order of the planets...which I am still pretty fuzzy on.  Doh.

On Welcome Day he walked straight up to the teacher and introduced himself.  "Hi, my name is Cormac Ford, and I am four."  Yes, you are, buddy.

They decided to start singing the ABC's together, so I had to take about a million pics...

We decided not to send Finola to 'school' this year, even though Cormac's school does have a two-year-old class that meets twice a week for a couple hours.  Though I briefly considered it, I suddenly got hit with the reality that I only had one year left with her not in school (well, if we send her to 3's) and it made me desperately want to cling to every moment I had with her at home.  Ya know, like she will be leaving for college tomorrow or something.  If you are a mama you know what I am talking about.

Something recently triggered in me the need to hold onto every moment, as though motherhood is whirling by and suddenly it will have slipped through my fingers.  I suddenly had a deep empathy for empty-nesters.  (Leaving your babies, whom you see every moment of every day, for nine days will do this to you, I think.  Despite all the freedom and fun that you have.)

Anyway, he starts officially school today, and I think we are all excited for what this year will bring!  He even started soccer yesterday.  Someone, please teach this non-team sports playing/watching mama to be a proper "Soccer Mom"!!!!!  I am clueless about the sport and hate yelling things in public.  (Thankfully Hubby is much better at all of this.)

Cheers to a year of learning new things and fresh starts - for all of us!

four.

Last week Cormac turned four.  Wow.

I sit here reflecting on the last four years.  Four years being a mother. They have certainly changed me forever.

Sometimes I look at this kid and I am blown away.  Kind of like the first time I met his father. Something in me said, Wow - there is something about him.  I guess it is genetic.  His blue eyes crinkle up like his dad's hazel ones with each infectious grin and laugh.

Cormac is my sensitive soul, in-tune to all my emotions, and the first to try to put things in perspective for me.   If I am in a bad mood and grumbling around, he says quietly, "Be calm, mama.  It is okay." If I am sick he says, "You can have one of my stuffed animals to snuggle with."  He is a master at bringing me out of a funk.  But he himself is quite the emotional creature, too!  Joy, anger, sadness, and laughter burst out of him like firecrackers.

yes, he looks like his dada.  but yes, he also looks like his mama...

He is also a master manipulator, and says some crazy stuff that leaves you either speechless or shaking your head while stifling giggles, because it is so ridiculous.

He loves movies and singing.   I am hoping this is not just a four-year-old thing.  Recently we watched Labyrinth together and bonded over Bowie.  I used to watch old movies and musicals all the time with my own mama, so I hope he also looks back fondly on these moments with me.

does your child enjoy your wearing your accessories, too?  I think it is normal. :)

He also loves guns and "shooting."  This is not my favorite.  I don't like guns really - at all.  I try not to be a total spaz about it, knowing it is perfectly normal for a little boy to enjoy toy guns.  Secretly, though, I am hoping he grows out of it.

He loves babies.  Adores them.  Asks every day if God is going to put another baby in my belly.  I gently try to tell him that there is a strong possibility our family is complete, and he always responds optimistically with: "If God wants you to have another baby, you will, Mama!" Oy.

He says the most beautiful prayers.  And sometimes the most silly.  But I love that he always wants to "make one up."  I am hoping he continues to want to talk to God, every day, with such passion.

He is still pretty hypersensitive  - but to less of an extreme, it seems.  Automatic toilets and the sound of the blender are not his favorites.  He still hates having water on his head or in his eyes.  He swims really well in the pool, but still hates chaotic splash parks.  He is still my spirited child, sensitive to sounds and textures, and having various other idiosyncrasies, but that spirit makes him magical in so many ways.

We took our first family beach vacation this year, and it was a hit with Cormac!  He loved playing in the sand, and even enjoyed the calm ocean.  He declared he wanted to live at Nana and Pop Pop's condo, so I am assuming we will be making this an annual excursion.

my biggest fan

definitely a climber!

His favorite holiday is hands-down Halloween.  All things scary are exciting to him.  While I have never cared much for this holiday, I love to see his excitement for it, and how it rubs off on his little sis.

always a stick to find and claim as his own.

he is really easy to make laugh and get to participate in general silliness.  

his first pre-k christmas program went, um, okay.  this bing-crosby inspired look made his mama happy, anyway!

Cormac declared this year that he is going to be an engineer (and a pastor, and the Hulk) and he honestly does have a passion for anything that has parts and requires physical manipulation and "figuring it out."  He likes to assemble elaborate pulley systems using any kind of rope (string, ribbon) he finds.  I never know what I am going to find attached to a string or what toy will be hanging haphazardly around the house.

children's museum fun.

the kid loves puppets and puppet shows.

the boy version of doc mcstuffins

Has severe anxiety about water in his eyes, but he really likes jumping and climbing high!

He is still my most reluctant, yet peaceful sleeper.  His afternoon nap is legitimately starting to wane.  I don't think he "needs" it anymore, but I will try to have him take it for as long as possible!  After that, enforced "quiet play" which I am hoping he is capable of.

He loved his first camping trip this year.  I think it will be a lifelong passion.  Well, at least the fire-making and marshmallow-eating parts.

Holidays and birthdays get exponentially more fun every year, and with each kid.  This alone has me considering a third (when I am emotional and hormonal and not quite thinking clearly.) It is fun to shower them with special things and let them plan the day and bake them cakes and see them help each other open presents.  I adore it.

While they do bicker with each other incessantly, these two blondies also adore each other to the core.  My heart melts on a daily basis at their affection.  (You know, intermingled with kicking each other in the face and regular "take down moves.")

All siblings cuddle when watching TV, right? 

We don't do parties every year for both kids, but this year was Cormac's and we had a little pool party with family and friends.  Here is one of our whole fam that cloudy, humid day, and I think it is pretty typical of us.  Particularly Finola sticking her whole hand in the cake.

this seems like both forever ago, and just yesterday. 

Grateful for the last four years as a mama to this little guy.  

He never fails to challenge, astound and humble me.