one last first birthday post.

The 'firsts' are dwindling down...
and now we have come to the season of 'lasts.'

That may sound sad, and in some ways it is. I cry a bit inside (and sometimes outside) when I realize I won't get to see another of our babies crawl the first time, or take their first steps, or make that funny stink-face when they eat their first bite of mushy baby food.

These milestones that made my heart burn with mama pride and awe at the growth of our babes and thankfulness that I got to see them all happen...well, they will become fuzzy and fade with each new season of parenthood.  So I write these blog posts, and set photographs to music that makes my cheesy mama heart swell, as a way to remember as much as I can.

We survived our 'last first year' of parenthood.  The night wakings and the teeth popping through at inopportune times (like when you move to a new country.) The overwhelm of having an infant and two other small, spirited, loud children.  'Survival mode' took on a whole new meaning with the addition of a third babe.

With my first baby I was always stressed I was doing something wrong, and constantly had my nose in a parenting book during nap times.  I was completely clueless, and when I look back on it I can't even believe how easy Cormac was in reality.  (I mean, there was just one of him!)

With Finola I was so much calmer -- in my sweet spot of parenting.  I put into practice all I had just learned with Cormac, and though not without its challenges, life was pretty grand.

Then Whit came along and I morphed quickly into "hot mess mama" - surviving on coffee and easy dinners, hustling to keep up with three babes, plus my own interests, and the house, and basically never getting anything done.  It's a season, though, and albeit a super hard one I am just trying to breathe and enjoy and meet each unique kiddo where they are...and give myself grace.

Whit's first birthday was unlike the other two we've celebrated -- just a tiny celebration at our home with our little fam plus the happy addition of Mimi visiting from the US.  We ate cupcakes I definitely didn't bake, and blew bubbles, and Whit loved all the balloons strewn everywhere.  It was simple and just perfect for this stage of our lives.

A bit about Whit...

My clingiest baby. A definite mama's boy. Doused in oils since day one.  He's had to go with the flow this year, enduring a lot of travel, changes, and of course the noise and lack of personal space from his raucous older sibs.  He is also my skinniest babe, with barely any rolls...and no hair! (I was also a very bald babe, so I think there is hope!)  As far as teething, he started popping teeth the quickest...and somehow he has been blessed with his two-year-old molars already. I breastfed him the longest...partly because I knew it was my last chance to do it. I also probably let him get away with the most...I mean, he is, truly, the baby of the fam. Our last.

Here are some of my favorite photographs from your first year of life, sweet Whitty P...

six years.

his first selfie.

The thirteenth marked six years since Cormac was born, and I became a mama.

As I reflect on his birth and motherhood, I realize how much both of these things changed me so much as a person...and I thank God for that.  I often refer to Cormac as my "lifesaver baby" as, while I won't go into specific reasons, his arrival in the womb has always represented grace for me.  Grace that God gave me to forgive myself and to move forward and make changes in my life.  I don't believe having a baby is a "fix all" for anything, but having this baby certainly changed me for the better.

golden hour.

Cormac is smart (sometimes smarter than me), logical, joyful, analytical, highly sensitive to stimulus, thoughtful, and perceptive.

Lately he is obsessed with math and Legos and Power Rangers.

He is learning chess from Daddy and seems to love the strategy of it all. {insert blank-face emoji from me}

He likes time to himself more now, or time one-on-one with me or Hubby.  While he loves time with friends (it has been so fun to see actual friendships blossom in the last year!) he seems to take after me in that large groups and over-stimulating atmospheres are not his jam and can stress him out. Totally get it, dude.

He is literally my biggest fan when it comes to essential oils and being supportive of my business venture in that.  He asks me questions daily, always want to help me practice teaching, smells the oils and has me guess which one it is, and -- the best part -- tells me how he prays for my business. What?!?!?  Yes, he seriously tells me that.  Since I know how God values the prayers of little children, I feel like this is the most precious thing my son could do for me.

The past year has contained some awesome milestones for little Mac...

• He learned the fine art of sarcasm.
• Overcame extreme fear of water and getting water in his eyes.  Now swims like a fish!
• Figured out how to tell a (funny) joke.  Like, actually having a punchline.  "Was that funny, Mom?  I made it up."  
• Proficient at 3rd grade level math. Okay, well, at least he can do reasoning and computation that I didn't remember doing until 3rd grade.  (Learned mostly from dad.) 
• Can read and sound out words. (Does not initiate reading books by himself, though.)
• Can articulate that he is overstimulated and needs personal space.  (Learned mostly from mom.)

I'll close this birthday post with a slideshow.  (I know these are out-of-fashion but my kids LOVE them.)  I put some of our favorite pics from past year to Cormac's favorite song of the moment.

I'm glad you are so happy, Mac!  You make me happy to be a mama.  

finola is three!

Dearest Fin,

Your third year has been fun, busy, and loud...kinda like you!  

You are such a ray of sunshine in our lives -- always quick with a smile, hug, or a "joke," you definitely prefer to remedy any uncomfortable situation with humor.  You are known to laugh loudly for no apparent reason during awkward moments.  If there is a moment of silence you might insert a belch or a fart to lighten the mood.   

You like to tease and irritate your brother.  Lordy. This year the two of you learned how to bicker and compete - constantly.  I have been a referee for the past year and I don't see the end of it any time soon.  

You are my little helper in the kitchen!  You love to volunteer to help me prepare meals, or get the snacks out.  You kinda love food in general.  While I sometimes get initial complaints about eating your vegetables at dinner, you always end up chowing them down at the prospect of dessert.  I remember craving sweets to the extreme when you were in my belly, and your sweet tooth is strong! Favorites are powdered sugar donuts and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!  No chocolate, though. 

Favorite non-sugary food?  Easily mac n cheese.  Pretty sure you request this for every meal, even breakfast sometimes.  I limit it to once a week but you would prefer more often.  Hot dogs, cottage cheese and pickles are other frequent requests.

While you have recently developed a weird bug phobia (okay, not so weird, I hate them, too) you are still my nature girl.  I think you would rather be outside in the dirt and puddles than playing with toys any day.  In fact, I had a hard time thinking of presents to get you for your birthday!  You tend to just want to play with all Cormac's "boy stuff."  Like, you want anything he might be playing with at any given moment.  Sigh. 

You love singing and dancing and music in general!  You have been known to belt out John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads" in McDonalds, at Barnes and Noble, or anywhere else where an a random audience might listen. 

Finola, we love you light and fun personality!  You never take anything too seriously, which is sometimes a bit frustrating, but probably a good thing in general.  You are also competitive, assertive, and sometimes bossy and demanding.  You have your share of typical toddler tantrums.  I've learned with you that when you throw a fit, I need to just give you a moment, wait patiently in silence with an understanding look on my face, and then you clearly see your outburst was out of line and then you'll let me hug you.  You say you're sorry without being prompted.  You are very self-aware.

Other general things of note: you are doing AWESOME with potty training, though still need to wear a pull up at night, and there will be the occasional accident. You do things "yourself" so that makes me happy, even if I have to clean up a few more messes in the bathroom.  (Our concepts of "enough TP" are not quite the same.)  However, we still need to work on appropriate places to use the potty...like maybe not in one of the Lowe's display toilets.  

And now, because your mama is obsessed with photos and particularly photos set to music...here is your bday slideshow.  The first song is one of our favorites -- and one that really fits our life right now.   

Finola, you are one of the "good things" in this life we've been blessed with that reminds me how present God is, and what is truly important every day...

Happy, happy birthday Finola!!!!

four.

Last week Cormac turned four.  Wow.

I sit here reflecting on the last four years.  Four years being a mother. They have certainly changed me forever.

Sometimes I look at this kid and I am blown away.  Kind of like the first time I met his father. Something in me said, Wow - there is something about him.  I guess it is genetic.  His blue eyes crinkle up like his dad's hazel ones with each infectious grin and laugh.

Cormac is my sensitive soul, in-tune to all my emotions, and the first to try to put things in perspective for me.   If I am in a bad mood and grumbling around, he says quietly, "Be calm, mama.  It is okay." If I am sick he says, "You can have one of my stuffed animals to snuggle with."  He is a master at bringing me out of a funk.  But he himself is quite the emotional creature, too!  Joy, anger, sadness, and laughter burst out of him like firecrackers.

yes, he looks like his dada.  but yes, he also looks like his mama...

He is also a master manipulator, and says some crazy stuff that leaves you either speechless or shaking your head while stifling giggles, because it is so ridiculous.

He loves movies and singing.   I am hoping this is not just a four-year-old thing.  Recently we watched Labyrinth together and bonded over Bowie.  I used to watch old movies and musicals all the time with my own mama, so I hope he also looks back fondly on these moments with me.

does your child enjoy your wearing your accessories, too?  I think it is normal. :)

He also loves guns and "shooting."  This is not my favorite.  I don't like guns really - at all.  I try not to be a total spaz about it, knowing it is perfectly normal for a little boy to enjoy toy guns.  Secretly, though, I am hoping he grows out of it.

He loves babies.  Adores them.  Asks every day if God is going to put another baby in my belly.  I gently try to tell him that there is a strong possibility our family is complete, and he always responds optimistically with: "If God wants you to have another baby, you will, Mama!" Oy.

He says the most beautiful prayers.  And sometimes the most silly.  But I love that he always wants to "make one up."  I am hoping he continues to want to talk to God, every day, with such passion.

He is still pretty hypersensitive  - but to less of an extreme, it seems.  Automatic toilets and the sound of the blender are not his favorites.  He still hates having water on his head or in his eyes.  He swims really well in the pool, but still hates chaotic splash parks.  He is still my spirited child, sensitive to sounds and textures, and having various other idiosyncrasies, but that spirit makes him magical in so many ways.

We took our first family beach vacation this year, and it was a hit with Cormac!  He loved playing in the sand, and even enjoyed the calm ocean.  He declared he wanted to live at Nana and Pop Pop's condo, so I am assuming we will be making this an annual excursion.

my biggest fan

definitely a climber!

His favorite holiday is hands-down Halloween.  All things scary are exciting to him.  While I have never cared much for this holiday, I love to see his excitement for it, and how it rubs off on his little sis.

always a stick to find and claim as his own.

he is really easy to make laugh and get to participate in general silliness.  

his first pre-k christmas program went, um, okay.  this bing-crosby inspired look made his mama happy, anyway!

Cormac declared this year that he is going to be an engineer (and a pastor, and the Hulk) and he honestly does have a passion for anything that has parts and requires physical manipulation and "figuring it out."  He likes to assemble elaborate pulley systems using any kind of rope (string, ribbon) he finds.  I never know what I am going to find attached to a string or what toy will be hanging haphazardly around the house.

children's museum fun.

the kid loves puppets and puppet shows.

the boy version of doc mcstuffins

Has severe anxiety about water in his eyes, but he really likes jumping and climbing high!

He is still my most reluctant, yet peaceful sleeper.  His afternoon nap is legitimately starting to wane.  I don't think he "needs" it anymore, but I will try to have him take it for as long as possible!  After that, enforced "quiet play" which I am hoping he is capable of.

He loved his first camping trip this year.  I think it will be a lifelong passion.  Well, at least the fire-making and marshmallow-eating parts.

Holidays and birthdays get exponentially more fun every year, and with each kid.  This alone has me considering a third (when I am emotional and hormonal and not quite thinking clearly.) It is fun to shower them with special things and let them plan the day and bake them cakes and see them help each other open presents.  I adore it.

While they do bicker with each other incessantly, these two blondies also adore each other to the core.  My heart melts on a daily basis at their affection.  (You know, intermingled with kicking each other in the face and regular "take down moves.")

All siblings cuddle when watching TV, right? 

We don't do parties every year for both kids, but this year was Cormac's and we had a little pool party with family and friends.  Here is one of our whole fam that cloudy, humid day, and I think it is pretty typical of us.  Particularly Finola sticking her whole hand in the cake.

this seems like both forever ago, and just yesterday. 

Grateful for the last four years as a mama to this little guy.  

He never fails to challenge, astound and humble me.

here's looking at two.

Dear Finola,

I could not have even dreamed up the delight that you have become at the age of two.  Back when you were a tiny one, my little dream newborn - good eater, reliable sleeper, rarely fussy.  Now you are still all of that - but with more hair, more words, and much, much more FUN.

You are feisty.  I kinda like that.  Your two-year-old tantrums are epic.  Instead of frustrating, they most of the time make me have to hide my laughter.  The other day when I tried to put you in a fancy floral dress for church, you threw a major hissy and were inconsolable.  So I left the room to give you a moment to calm down (and stifle my giggles) since you wouldn't let me near you even for hugs.  When I came back you had managed to take the dress completely off and were laying, smiling, naked on the floor.  Needless to say, we wore another outfit to church that day.

You are physically pretty strong.  You can hold your own in competitions of strength with your brother.  Speed-wise, you are getting pretty fast during your "races" with him.  You still always lose, and have taken to crumpling on the floor when he snottily cheers, "I win!" - but I keep telling you that someday you will win (sometimes.)

Socially, you are at first shy and cling to your mama, but when you know a person well you are generous with hugs and kisses and snuggles.  You say "See you later!" to everyone we know (and don't know) when out and about.

Your favorite foods are pickles, Pringles, bananas, strawberries and cottage cheese.

Ever since your birthday last week you have been greeting me in the morning with "Happy Bird-day, Mama!"

You are in a kissing phase, where every time I pick you up you will grab my face through peals of laughter and plant giant kisses on my cheeks and lips.  "MO! MO KISSES!" you shout.

To celebrate you turning two, we didn't have a party, but we went on an overnight family camping trip.  You did awesome.

"So...where can I drive ya?"

"Camping rocks!  Unless it starts raining...then I hate it." 

On the day of your birthday, a Tuesday, we didn't do anything too wild.  I blew up 36 balloons the night before and filled your room up with them while you slept.  We had donut holes and strawberries for breakfast, two of your favorites.  We opened presents as soon as possible (obviously.)  We saw some friends and you got to play outside quite a bit, since it was a gorgeous, sunny day.  We bought a birthday dinner and a cake from Kroger and I stuck more strawberries on it.  You blew out the candles like a pro!

Donies and strawberries.  A birthday breakfast.

surprised by balloons! (with morning hair!) she might kill me for this photo someday...

"Finola!  Look at all your balloons!"  This was as much fun for Cormac as the bday girl.

birthday hugs from brother!

balloons are fun to squish...and later pop

we couldn't wait til evening to open gifts...so we did it after breakfast!

It was a really sweet day.  

Happy 'two' to you, my crazy Blondie, my love.

cormac - three!

 Dear Cormac,

You are three!  

I love watching you contort your little fingers on your left hand (yes, you're a leftie) to show us just exactly how old you are. 

Seems like just a blink ago you were two.

Three is a little different than two.

You talk WAY more - full, complete sentences.

I can correct your grammar and not feel bad.

You use huge words that no one expects to come out of your mouth.

(aka you are good at repeating things.)

You now will play {sometimes} by yourself,

talking to yourself about what is going on with your toys, 

and not really wanting your "pretend play" to be interrupted.

(Mama loves this.)

You now sleep in a big boy bed - even at your grandparents' houses.

You no longer wear diapers - and rarely even pull-ups!

I hope you know how amazing I think you are.

Sometimes I feel like I spend so much of the day redirecting, disciplining, and reminding you to be 'gentle' to your sister that maybe I am scrimping on the the smiles, hugs, and compliments.

I am pretty sure I sneak a lot of those in there...

but you know, as your mama, I will worry.

As I've mentioned, you are "spirited." 

I hope this doesn't come across as an insult.

Sometimes I say it with an exasperated sigh,  but that is only because it can be kind of tiring.

Always know - your spiritedness makes you incredible.

You have soooooo much energy!

You express your feelings and to me that makes you honest and interesting.

You are dramatic!  You can "act" sick and love getting into character, whether you are a "monster" or a "monster hunter" or a  "daddy" or a "baby" -- you are pretty good at playing whatever part you feel like.

You are relentless.

When you want something you rarely take "no" for an answer. At least not at first.  Sure, this can be completely maddening for us as parents, but it often makes me glad.  I want you to challenge.  I want you to ask "why?'  I want you to be tenacious.  

And sometimes, yes sometimes, you get my "no" to change to "yes." 

You are extremely particular

about many, many things.

You must wear socks and a full set of pajamas when sleeping - always.  No exceptions, even in 90 degree heat with no a/c (like at gramma and grampas.)   To that end, you will run all over the house like a crazy man, be extremely sweaty, and still cuddle up in my lap to snuggly even though we are both really hot. 

Not having the correct condiments for a meal could inspire a meltdown.

You hate sandals...stuff getting between your toes is the worst.

You still can't stand water getting in your eyes.  This means splash parks are usually not your favorite spot.  You might never take a shower.

You are an extrovert.

You rarely stop talking and enjoy constantly being with someone - which most of the time, by default, is me.  You have started to be conscious of "friendships" and declare anyone you spend time playing with your "best friend."  I am so excited for you to start pre-school soon (eek!) and perhaps find some little friends your age you have lots in common with that live near us!  Perhaps some other spirited kiddos?

You weigh 32 pounds.  

Pretty sure you've weighed that for the past year.

You never stop moving and are a picky eater - enough said.

You are a great sleeper - consistently.  But not without a struggle.  You almost always announce you are "not tired" and sometimes declare you will "not go to sleep!"  Yet, somehow, within twenty minutes of being confined to your bed, you do.  Still take a 1 1/2 to 2 hour nap in the afternoon and sleep 8pm - 6:30am, in your own bed, with usually no night wakings, save for the occasional bad dream.  

Meals are often a challenge.  

You take forever to start eating, always declare there to be something that makes the food uneatable, are distracted by anything and everything, and then finally, finally, you start eating and usually eat nearly everything on your plate (especially if you want dessert after dinner.) 

you have gotten much more proficient at dressing yourself.  it is always a struggle to get you to stand still enough to do it, though.

you love popsicles...just like your dad.

you love to cheese for the camera - what a grin!

you have endless energy!

sitting "normally" is not in your skill set.

you are alternately a loving, protective older brother...

...and an older brother who is completely bugged by his little sister!

you are dramatic - with many 'voices' and interesting facial expressions.

whipped cream is one of your favorite treats.

you have beautiful ultra long lashes like you dad

your hair is always messy...even minutes after I carefully style it.  but I kinda like that.

wrestling and goofing around with your sis is sometimes your favorite thing.

hmmm...you and colbie occasionally rock the same crazy hair.

handsome boys!

You are so much like your dad.  Everyone seems amazed at how much you resemble him...but you are alike in other ways, too.  You love tools and analyzing how things work.  You are a total work-horse like he is, and thrive when you have a project to focus on...yet also love just snuggling in on the couch and watching movies with the family.  

we have the same face shape, nose, and eye color...the rest is totally your dada. and I like that you enjoy wearing my accessories.  tee hee.

You are my joy.  We are connected.  I totally get you -- so many aspects of your spiritedness - not that it makes it easier to watch you struggle.  I delight in your lovely, spirited nature...even though sometimes my spiritedness clashes with yours.  You understand me, too.  You know exactly what to say to make my sadness melt away.  You bring me back to reality.  Just one sweet,  matter-of-fact sentence from you can turn my whole mood around.  You also challenge me - all day, every day.  You force me out of my comfort zone.   You make me want to speak more quietly, be more patient, appear more calm and more loving -- even when I don't feel like being any of these things.  I don't always succeed, but I succeed much more often because of you.

God made me to be your mama.  I trust Him that I am fully equipped for the job.

Three is going to be a great year.  You start school!  3-year-old pre-K, a few hours a day, 3 days/week.  I think you are going to do great and am beyond thrilled for this new journey, but of course I am super nervous about everything!   (Like how in the world I will get us all ready and out of the house by 8:10am???)

Who knows what else this year will bring?   I am excited to watch you grow "bigger and bigger!" - as you would exclaim.

Love you so much, kiddo - Mama