my sister.

With Mother's Day coming up, I've been thinking about the mamas that inspire me.  Right now my circle of friends consists mostly of mothers.  Many are "beginners" like me, just struggling through. Some have careers outside the home, some stay at home full time.  Some with one tiny baby, and others with a gaggle of toddlers.  All just doing our best and surviving this beautiful + hectic phase of our lives!

Although she lives across the country in Montana, I am happy to get to experience motherhood alongside my big sister, Heidi.  We were pregnant twice at the same time, and have leaned on each other for encouragement even from afar.

Growing up I pretty much idolized Heidi.  She is five years older, and has always been very likable, fun, stylish, and beautiful inside and out.

I was certainly the annoying little sister who stole her clothes, copied her hairstyles, read her diary/notes from boys, and tried to hang out with her and all her cool friends!

When Heidi went away to college all of a sudden our relationship shifted -- and the separation in living circumstances actually made us closer!  I still adored her and followed all her friendships and dating adventures with fascination...but she definitely embraced her role of big sis to me then, when I wasn't underfoot and in her biz!

2003

When Heid got married and moved across the country (and I started college) we amazingly got EVEN closer!  I don't even know how it happened but sisterhood somehow deepened into friendship.

with our mama, 2001,  makeupless (er, as much as we get!) post-canoe trip!  #beautybag #thehut

Easter 2015 - fourteen years later!

My sister was a teacher for years before she and her hubby decided to have kids.  Throughout the coming years they struggled through several miscarriages...and I felt Heid's heartache through it all, just as I experience her joy during happy times.  I listened to her announce to me with excitement when she learned of a pregnancy...and then call me again to share the news of sorrow of another baby going up to heaven. She dealt with it with prayer and strength in Jesus.  Her faith and transparency in such a difficult time was pretty incredible to me.

Now, she is a mama to four beautiful kiddos, juggling an age range of 2 to 10, complete with a packed calendar packed with school, sports, and church activities.

my gorgeous sister and her beautiful family of six

Heidi chose to stay at home full-time, just as our own mama did, and just as, coincidentally, I also did.  This definitely is financial sacrifice, particularly for their family.  She does try to squeeze in babysitting and substitute teaching to help out, which I am completely amazed by given how busy her family is!  They make it work - again, by trusting in God, who always seems to provide.

I could share lots of fun and embarrassing photos of me and my big sis...but instead I'll just say how happy I am to have such an awesome example of a mother in her.  Strong yet kind.  Soft-hearted, yet firm in her faith.

I love you, sister!  I am glad your daughters will have each other just like we always did!

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Got an inspiring mama in your life?  

Surprise her with a gift card from Stitch Fix for Mother's Day!  

I've enjoyed using this service for the past year (read about my Fixes here) and it's a fun way to surprise a busy mama with some lovely clothing/accessories!

Click the photo below to get started!

'little greta' - and thoughts on my spirited 'littles'

Sometimes I think about "Little Greta" -- who she was, and who she grew up to be.  I think about this because I have little ones now, and I know how important childhood is...how much it shapes us.

As a little one (in the above photo I am around the age of four) I was emotional in all respects, prone to tantrums - big outbursts seemingly coming out of no where.  I was also a smart aleck,  saying a bunch of stuff to see what kind of reactions I could get.  I loved pushing buttons.

I probably thought I was way smarter than I was.  I defiantly questioned my parents throughout my childhood, insisting they were not disciplining me correctly and that I knew better.  Needless to say, that never went over well.

I was a lot of things that probably drove my parents insane.  But - I was some pretty important (and lovely) things, too.

I was joyful and affectionate!  I loved forcing hugs upon my older sister Heidi (something I see Finola do to Cormac all the time!) and snuggling on the couch with my mom watching musicals.

I was deeply connected to Christ at a young age.  I remember being moved by the spirit often - sneaking into the church sanctuary while my dad (the pastor) was in meetings,  kneeling in front of the alter and praying with all my might!  I would spend a great deal of time in nature, learned from my very outdoorsy father, and felt profoundly connected to God in His creation.  I was also very forthright about expressing my faith.  I remember questioning even adults about things they said about religion.  (PS I don't really think adults appreciate 8-year-olds questioning their moral choices...just sayin'.)  My parents never had to worry about my faith in Christ Jesus - something I'm sure would have been hard for them.

I was tenacious and hard-working.  My parents never had to nag me to get a job or worry about me living in their basement someday.  I worked as soon as I turned sixteen to pay for anything extra I needed, moved out immediately after high school, and supported myself from then on.  I loved my independence and was good at figuring out life "on my own" -- of course, I screwed up a lot and there were many obstacles and rough patches along the way...which was where it was particularly good I had my faith in God.  

Anyway, I get it now. Mom and Dad - I really did have children "just like me" and so now I do understand some of your frustrations! Like in McD's the other day when Finola just randomly decided to sprint out the door of the play area, shrieking with laughter, and run across to the opposite side of the restaurant.  She probably would have ran out the door and into the parking lot had I not been sprinting after her at full speed!  We've had several conversations about not running away from me in public places...yet, it just isn't sinking in. She thinks it's hilarious!  She was cackling the whole time!  Despite loving to frustrate me,  Finola is also super affectionate, very dramatic, and simply loves life!  All beautiful things.  She pushes buttons and questions things, too...which I hope she continues to do.

Then there is Cormac, who will get frustrated because something really (seemingly) minuscule doesn't go right (like his piece of chocolate melts or Netflix won't connect) and will burst into tears and run throughout the house away wailing about how 'life isn't fair!'  (Yes, this really happens...and he's not even a teenager yet!)  Cormac has huge emotions!  Also, like "little Greta" he definitely prone to think he is smarter than he is.  He is constantly informing me how things will be done differently when he is an adult.  He will question us, even in the midst of discipline, and challenge all our parenting decisions.  I see how this can frustrate parents, especially parents who love to feel in control (like me!). However,  I also must mindfully choose to value his tenacity and appreciate that he will never (hopefully) be a doormat for anyone, even me.

I've decided while my kids are not pleasers, definitely not quiet and many times I feel like they are the naughtiest kids in the room...they are also very loving, very smart, and very honest.

finola gives kisses with wild abandon!

they both have a good 'lust for life' - and endless energy!

laughing with her whole heart.

So, lately I've been asking myself, before I discipline or get annoyed with my littles : is what I am saying nurturing their spirits -- or squashing them?  I don't want to ever, even in my frustration due to lack of control, extinguish that beautiful part of who they are.  I want to guard and protect and foster their spirit and enthusiasm.

I want them to know, without a doubt, that I appreciate their unique personality traits, even the frustrating ones.

Because, in the end, God-willing, little Cormac and little Finola grow up to be the adult versions...who hopefully have kept that unmistakable joy and light that I can see in them now.

the tree - and traditions.

As a kid I distinctly remember trudging through knee-deep snow in the woods, following my dad with his saw, searching for our Christmas tree. 

There was no official "tree farm" but we were allowed to go through and pick out anyone we could find on the land of one of the church elders, free of charge.  We always found one, a big one -- tall, yet buxom with boughs of Balsam needles, the easiest for little hands to put decorations on.

The tree was put in the basement family room of our split-level home, which also housed a huge stone fireplace whose wide hearth was the stage for many a performance by one of the four kids in our family.

Lights on our Christmas tree were always blue, decorations hand-made by us or folks from our church.  Nothing super fancy; yet Christmas always felt magical at our house.  My mom always made sure Christmas was really beautiful for us.  In actuality, we were spoiled.  We always got the "big gift" we dreamed of each year, whether or not we could afford it.  And the smorgasbord of food on Christmas Eve, from which we filled up plate after plate to nibble on while opening gifts, was nothing short of amazing.  Mom was intent on making Christmas a holiday we would dream about all year.  She always made it happen.  Her efforts made the entire month so special.

I think it rubbed off on my sister and I, as we both have confessed to trying to do the same for our young families - create that magic.  Mom set the bar pretty high.  For example, I can't imagine not having a real tree, despite the lovely artificial ones that are out there.  It is tradition.  Others? We always open our gifts on Christmas Eve, after coming home from church and putting on our Christmas pjs.  I have special foods I make for that night.  Christmas Day is about relaxing and eating and maybe not leaving the house at all. Any family is welcome to come and visit us, and eat and be merry with us...but we will be in our pjs, most likely.

And there are a few new traditions...a birthday cake and singing for Jesus, Polar Express movie night, and cookie exchange parties with friends.   New and old, together.  Our Christmas.

This year, as we have every year since we got married, we went to a tree farm out in the country to chop down our tree.   A new place this year, but every bit as fun.

snuggling on a hay bale in the barn.

baby trees!

the wagon trail.

um, the kids were a bit cold.  forgot the mittens.

following dada, wearing his official, bright red, tree-chopping sweater he wears every year.

"wait for me!" 

even the trees look cold.

frozen spider webs.

collecting rocks for her pockets, per usual.

they look peaceful, though probably arguing.

winner?

this was the one.  WAY too big but we decided we could cut it down to size if necessary.

Yep, Hubby lugged that behemoth of a tree with his bare hands a quarter mile back to the barn.  By the time he got there he was in his t-shirt and no hat, sweating profusely.  Ah, memories.  :)

Meanwhile, I was with the kiddos getting warm with hot chocolate, homemade cookies and hot dogs.

It was a really nice morning; although, being from Minnesota a bit of snow would have been nice! You know, just in December...January 1st it can all melt... :)

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This season of Advent, roughly the month of December, is about preparing for the coming of a Savior for mankind.  Christmas Eve we celebrate that miracle birth of long ago.  A baby, yet a King.   However you celebrate, whatever traditions you and your family have,  keep that truth in your hearts!

thanksgiving at home

This year was my second consecutive year hosting Thanksgiving for our Kentucky family.  It went very well, and I just adore the commotion and love that fills up our home to the very brim for those precious few hours.

Growing up I never expected to host Thanksgiving (or probably any holiday for that matter.)  I never helped my mom cook anything (I never volunteered, and she will admit she was happiest being in control of what happened in the kitchen.)  I never dreamt about making the turkey, baking pies, or thinking up table decor.  I pretty much assumed I would always be a spectator and participant in the feast.

I remember my Aunt Phyllis hosting this event many times.  There were a LOT of cousins in our family so we got our own HUGE table, with the older cousins (the range was from toddler to adult) making sure the younger ones stayed in line.  We did a sit-down, family-style dinner, with everything being passed around.  The dishes were fancy, everything lovely.  I remember hoping I would not drop anything or spill on the white tablecloth.  It was all so beautiful!

With only four grandchildren (so far, with one in a high chair) our kiddo table is tiny and not-so-fancy.  I fully expected Finola to take everything off of this before the meal, and she did.

I remember exactly where the appetizer table was, because I was constantly grabbing cheese and crackers from it.  This is still my comfort food at holidays...so yes, my events will always have a cheese and cracker platter!

My mom would always bring her famous fruit salad...a recipe I keep meaning to have her talk me through it so I can write it down. (She cooks completely from memory, so getting her recipes takes some effort!) This year I tried to make her apple pie...and my husband's great grandmother's sweet potato casserole.  There is something really  idea of learning family recipes and passing them down through the generations!

I now like to sit and wonder about the time and effort my Aunt (and others!) went through to host these big family events.  She had four children, yet she always seemed so calm and collected. All the adults did.  But that was the way with my Dad's side.  They all worked together calmly, helping each other prepare the feast. That quintessential, dutiful Midwestern work ethic.  Things were quite formal...until after dinner and they started playing cards.  Then things got loud and fun! :D

I wonder what my kids will remember of our family events.  Thanksgiving at our home, then Christmas at each of the grandparents (all three sets this year!)   I love that we are in the midst of establishing traditions.  Different than what I grew up with...yet in many ways the same.  A delicate and joyful blending of both my Minnesota upbringing, and my husband's in Kentucky.

I wonder what dish Cormac and Finola will think of as "mine."  What will they someday ask me for the recipe of?  (I assure you, I will have it meticulously detailed on a recipe card.  We all have our ways.)

So, I never did imagine these things growing up - too busy exploring every corner of my relatives/ homes and stealing more cheese from the app table...but as I watch my tiny family grow, and our extended families get larger, I realize we are in the midst of it - creating memories and traditions for our children.

I am grateful to open our home and host.  It might not be perfect, heaven knows there is always some "Turkey Drama," but still, we are all be together, sharing in the imperfection.

layering the sweet potatoes for the casserole.  this is by far my favorite dish!  

ready to bake.

the "adult" table

Thank you, Lord, for family, friends, and all things beautiful in this life You give us.  And thank you for the not-so-beautiful, too...so we can appreciate the rest all the more.

Happy Thanksgiving!

hair : an adventure of cuts and my new lob

Let's talk hair!

I'm definitely a person who likes to change up her style on a regular basis.  Always have been.  Even as a little girl there were several times when I decided I needed a chop and took the scissors to my long blonde locks - I think age four and six.  Sorry Mom!  (It was very traumatic for her, and now I totally get why.  Yikes.) But you must admit my longing for bangs and then just kinda making it happen was pretty brave/assertive of me.  Just sayin'.

So brave I have always tried to be, with both color and cuts.  Not exactly wild and crazy - but willing to try new styles!  I dyed my own hair all throughout high school, and this did not always turn out well (bright blonde, a weird shade of greenish brown, red!) but I didn't have the cash to have it professionally done so, again, I had to make it happen somehow.  

Post-high school and especially in the past five years I have gone from long to short and back again many, many times.  My hair grows really fast, so that makes it easier to change things up.  I thought it would be fun to look back at some of my recent cuts, and show you the latest cut!

Let's start back in 2009...

The Sleek Bob

Let me just say this is my favorite cut of all - a smooth bob just below an inch or two below my chin.   I have done it various times over the past ten years. The only part I don't like is that it is hard to put my hair up/back for the gym.  But it is definitely the cut that I feel suits me and my personality best.

The Shag

 This was supposed to be more of a choppy, textured bob - worn messy!  I really liked it because I had just had Cormac a few months earlier and wanted something updated but low-maintenance.  Once again, with this one I was happy to go short after having longer hair throughout my pregnancy!

The Long Pixie

I chopped it into a this cut after I lost all my baby weight with from my first pregnancy.  I had always wanted to try a super short style.  I know there are shorter, very edgy pixies, which I think are cute but I was not brave enough to go short and spikey.  Nor will I ever be.  I decided the pixie is not for me!  I have too giant of a head, and am not too cheap to go in and have it "cleaned up" every six weeks.   I liked the short and sassy look for a while...but not the upkeep or growing out process.  Next came - 

Long and Layered with Blonde Ombre

 So after two cuts of the pixie, I started growing out my hair -- about the time I got pregnant with Finola.  So it took about a year and a half to get from a short pixie to the length above, even with a few trims/re-layers.   I looooooved this blonde ombre (partial highlight.)  I don't look very good fully blonde due to my really dark eyebrows, but I liked it only in the lower half of my hair.  This style was really fun over the summer - I did a lot of braids and low side ponytails and messy top-knot buns.  Really versatile and feminine.    I like long hair every once in a while!  Hubby likes me to mix it up, too.  But then I got bored with it.  

Which brings us to....

 The Lob

This is pretty much "the Rachel" of haircuts right now, so I had to try it.  I really like the long pieces in the front and how it angles back shorter.  I did an even lighter ombre this time, starting the highlighting even higher.  I love the loose waves and beachy vibe.  It makes me excited for spring -- and our upcoming vacation.  Another reason to change it up!  

Has anyone else tried 'the lob'? 

What is your favorite 'cut for yourself?

mama confessions : holding hands.

I remember the distinct thrill of first intimacy when a guy would reach for my hand for the first time on a date.  The way his thumb might rub the top of my hand while walking, or draw pictures on my palm during a movie.  Even better than a first kiss, sometimes, was the first time holding hands.

Or there were the times sitting in church with my Gram, when she would grab my hand and hold it throughout a hymn while we sang, and I would be struck by how close to her that touch made me feel.  I would marvel at the coolness of her skin, papery yet soft as silk. The wrinkles and pale blue, raised up veins on the tops made me think somehow of her life and all she had been through for her hands to have gotten to this point.  Her life had not been an easy one, but yet there she was, at peace, holding hands with me.

I never was first to let Gram's hand go.  I practically held my breath until she did.

Then there is holding hands with my husband.  No longer the thrill of the unknown, but the peace that comes from the known.  Even better.  The steady and always firm comfort.  They seem to embody who he is.  Never clammy, slightly on the dry side. Always warm and strong and capable.

Now I will confess that my current favorite person to hold hands with is my son.  Three years old.  If you are a mama of one this age you may know exactly what I am talking about.  Not just the hand held out for you to grab before crossing the street or a parking lot - the necessary hand holds.  No, even sweeter still are the moments he grabs my hand while snuggling on the couch.  Or when I am laying in his bed holding him at nap time, hoping to God he will fall asleep soon so I can sneak out and get things checked off my to-do list, and then he grabs my hand.  He'll squeeze it lightly, or rub his tiny thumb on my palm in perfect contentment until he drifts off to sleep.

When he reaches for my hand in those moments, it is like I am on a first date again, sorta.  I am overcome by the intimacy.  In those moments my to-do list flies from my mind and I am only wondering how long I can lay there just enjoying holding hands before I fall asleep myself.

We delve out hugs (well, if you are a hugger like I am) left and right, to relatives, friends, maybe even co-workers at times.  A hug is great - it is sweet, commonplace, socially acceptable affection.

But grabbing someones hand, to me, is intimacy at its core.  You can't do it without wanting a serious connection. The intertwining of fingers.  Whether with a lover, a close relative, a dear friend, or, in my opinion, quite possibly the best hand holding -- with your child, who needs your warmth and trust and comfort and closeness.

And to be truthful, most days you need theirs just as much.

to the beach - with babies!

Today we head to the beach.  I love the beach.  Despite my northern roots (I'm a Minnesota native) I am pretty sure I was a beach bum in another life.

In any case,  I've always loved being outside in all forms possible.  My Dad made sure we hiked and camped and explored and canoed from the moment we could walk.  Most of our vacations involved sleeping in a tent or camper, and being surrounded by beautiful sights.

Sadly, all the photos from those trips are on slides at my parent's farm.  Yes, slides.  So here are a couple I have of little kiddo G, just hanging out outside, as was typical...

up north.

barefoot in a tree.  

But.  Today.  We head to the beach.  As in Florida.  A place my family did not go a lot when I was a kiddo. (our one Florida vacay happened when I was only 9 months old. *sad face*)

So I've been making up 'lost beach time' ever since Paul and I got married!

This is our first beach vacation with babies.  My in-laws recently bought a condo near St. Petersburg that they are letting us use for the week, so we will be road tripping that way, taking a tiny detour to visit my friend Kristina (see this post.)

My expectations of relaxation are low.  My expectations of the kids' loving the beach are high. Cormac seems really excited!  He has learned all about jellyfish and is convinced there will be many (and I am hoping there are not.)   Finola I'm sure will try to eat the sand and run straight into the ocean at every chance.  We shall see what happens!

If you are interested in following our adventures on Instagram, follow me as @modgardengirl.

Otherwise - beachy blog post to come!  :D

//my subtle blonde ombre//

I cannot believe summer is winding down and Cormac is on the verge of starting pre-school.

Eek!

In honor of "back to school" season I recently got my hair cut and highlighted.

(Just kidding...I did it just because I desperately needed a trim.)

I decided to try the ombre trend by keeping my natural light ash brown on top, 

and adding some subtle blonde highlights on the bottom half...

Okay, so I realize my dark + grainy phone pic makes it hard to tell... but I love the beachy, updated vibe it gives my long hair.  The price tag was a little steep, though...so I will definitely be keeping it long for a while to make this splurge worth the cash!

Ah, if only ombre had been in style when I was fifteen!   Then growing out my hair after dousing in with Sun-In all summer wouldn't have looked so ridiculous...

'1996 ombre' - aka "really bad roots"

Perhaps my new 'do will help people stop asking where in the world my kiddos get their blindingly bright blonde hair?  Probably not.  But here are some more photos dug out of the archives to prove that, yes, I once had some natural blonde locks...oh, and a bit of natural curl!

little g - age 2

probably 3 or 4

my 6th birthday party - still rockin' some blonde wispies in that ponytail

My hair started getting darker around age eight.  So perhaps my two little blondies will turn out to be brunettes in the end.

Has anyone else out there tried ombre?   I think it is one of those really fun trends that we will all kick ourselves for in twenty years and whip out embarassing photos.  Along with the high-waisted shorts and crop tops (that I definitely won't be rockin' any time soon.)
Check out my hair inspiration board on Pinterest if you are thinking about ombre yourself!

Hope everyone is having an amazing week!