a 'love' shower

Saturday I had the honor of co-hosting a baby shower at my home

for a kind + beautiful mama-to-be.

Her name is Laura Love. 

Love is literally her 'middle name.' 

So we decided to do a 'love theme' 

since the shower was so close to Valentines Day.

It was a very small, intimate gathering 

of seven fun and generous ladies.

The food was pot-luck style,

and each of us 

contributed a couple delicious items.

I put together these 'adult sippy cups' 

to make sipping a little more fun...

The cupcakes were, well, fabulous.

We all chipped in on getting her pack-n-play, then filled it with more gifts for the little one (gender unknown!)

I did a few jars full of baby's breath for centerpieces...

 We decorated some bibs for the little babe...

I made a bunch of poms from tissue paper and kind of got addicted to the process...

It was an amazing spread of sweetness!

My dear friend/co-host Alicia and the guest-of-honor.

We each took a turn posing with the mama-to-be...

Thankfully she doesn't mind people touching the tummy!

Pretty sure she is the most beautiful pregnant lady.  All belly and no waddle!  

A couple of the group...

The day also made me look back on my own baby showers

and the one Laura and I co-hosted for Alicia last year.

So much fun to shower mamas with LOVE.  

Hope you enjoyed our little celebration, Laura!

Can't wait to meet your little 'mystery baby!'

mama confessions : breast vs. bottle {my breastfeeding story}

Let's talk feeding.  

I currently breastfeed.  Nearly exclusively.   Women breastfeed for many reasons.  My reason is not because I firmly believe breast milk is more beneficial for babies.  It is not because we can't afford formula...even though I love being thrifty. It is not because I think there is a stronger bond between mother and baby when breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding. It is not because I think it is more convenient - in fact, my personal experience is that it is messier and less convenient than bottles and formula.

I breastfeed for completely selfish reasons. I do it because I love the connected feeling I get with my baby.  We are literally physically connected, and I love the natural, organic feeling of that.  I love the feeling of the letdown.   I am in awe of the way our bodies have been created and the amazing things they do.  I love looking down at her and seeing that my body is providing her directly with nutrition that is specifically for her.  I love when she notices me watching her and makes eye contact and smiles.

So, you see, all these things bring me pleasure.  Sure, she is getting a lot out of it...but that is not my main reason.  I like what I get out of it.

My attitude even before I got pregnant the first time was that I would try my best to breastfeed as long I could.

With my first baby, my son, I had difficulty.   Oh, he latched just fine from the start and I never experienced any pain while feeding...but I don't think I quite understood how often he needed to feed.  What did I know?  I was a first-time mama who perhaps did not research breastfeeding as well as I could have.

cormac, a week old, after a feeding session 

When he would fuss an hour after I fed him I exclaim, "There is NO way he is hungry again already!"  So I would look for other ways to soothe him.  This created a hungry/frustrated baby and frustrated parents.  Then my milk supply obviously went down.  I really wasn't feeding him frequently enough.  I ignored his need to cluster-feed to boost my supply, and then when I did feed him he didn't get enough.   I figured we needed to supplement with formula.  When we supplemented I didn't pump to keep my supply going.  Another mistake. One bottle of formula a day turned into two, then three.  Then, at twelve weeks postpartum I went back to work and Cormac went all day on the bottle.  I tried to pump at work but my supply was so low by that point that I would pump for a half hour and get maybe 3 oz.  I was so frustrated and bored while pumping.  During my brief two weeks back at work Cormac fell in love with the bottle - he got a lot of milk at a time - and fast!  He was voracious!  Pretty soon he would only allow me to nurse him at night...when really it was just for comfort.   I would try to feed him during the day and by that point my milk would not let down fast enough for him.  He would scream at my breast, which made me sad and anxious, which made the letdown take longer.  Which made him scream harder and not even want to try.

Finally, at about three months, I gave up.  I felt defeated.  I felt depressed.  I felt like a complete failure.
Until my milk dried up and the hormones associated with breastfeeding left my body.

Then I felt GREAT!  I loved bottle-feeding.  I had a happier baby who ate less often and was more satisfied.  I could feed him on a schedule...and I LOVE schedules.  We could go on weekend trips and easily leave him with the grandparents.   I didn't have to mess with bulky nursing pads, ugly nursing bras, or nursing in public (which I have no problem doing, with a cover, but it was just kind of annoying.)

finally at peace with bottle-feeding (and happier!)

In the end, though I had enjoyed a lot about breastfeeding while it lasted, I was a happier mama bottle-feeding, with a happier baby.

+ + + + + + 

With baby number two I still wanted to breastfeed, for the same reasons mentioned above.  I did not make the same mistakes again and end breastfeeding earlier than desired.  So, when Finola was a newborn I fed her all the time.  She didn't even have to barely squeak and I put her to the breast.  Also, I did not give her any formula/bottles until she was a month old and I felt like my milk supply was well established.  Even then I was afraid I would jeopardize my milk, but there have been instances where I've had to leave the baby for longer than a couple hours and she needed to eat.  I wanted to make sure she had practice with a bottle and would take one if necessary.  When we do give her one, which is not often, she seems to do just fine.

after an on-the-go feeding session.

So, unlike last time, the breastfeeding has been going beautifully so far.

Maybe too well.

I'll be completely honest:  I dread weaning her off the breast, because I know how hard emotionally it is to let those hormones exit my system.  I'll be a wreck.  Also, Hubby and I want to take a long weekend trip to Chicago in a couple months, sans kiddos, and I am afraid to let her be bottle-fed for several days.  I am afraid I will be forced into a premature end.

In some ways, as bad as this will sound, I wish she would "decide for herself," like her brother did, to go to the bottle, rather than making me, her total wimp of a mama, decide to end our breastfeeding relationship.

I don't know if and when I will have the guts to...

...but when it happens I will, of course, share the rest of this story.  :)

+ + + + + + 

So what is your story?  It is National Breastfeeding Month and I post this only to share my own experience.  Everyone has their own story and opinions.  Mine is to do what makes you happiest as a mama.  Happy mamas are the best mamas.

g

mama confessions : baby namin'

I knew when I chose my babies' names I would have some 'splainin' to do.  

I chose names that *most* people have never heard of, so when the question of "What did you name her?" comes up when I am out with the baby and a stranger starts oohing and ahhing over my babe, I always mentally prepare myself for the followup question of, "Where did you come up with that???"

Or, as my dear Gram Margaret asked when she heard my mom {her daughter} had named me 'Greta': "Where'd ya dig that one up?" (Nice, Gram!)

No, I did not "make up" the names Cormac and Finola.  They are pre-existing, real names that others have been named in the past.  You can Google them. :)

But why did we choose these names? (Well, I came up with them, and Hubby agreed to them. There were various others he did not agree to.)

Well, here is where we "dug them up..."  

Cormac comes from the author Cormac McCarthy.   A couple years before getting pregnant the first time an English teacher friend of mine turned me on to the book All the Pretty Horses (also a movie with Matt Damon) and I fell in love with the writing style.  Very masculine, yet romantic.  And I loved the name Cormac.  I had never heard it, and I thought it sounded very strong.  I also liked that it could be shortened to Mac, which I think is really cute for a boy.   I ran it by Hubby and he loved it, too...and it was more original than our backup boy name.  So...we had our name.

Finola comes from an actress named Finola Hughes.  That is where I originally heard it.  She was on my mom's favorite soap, General Hospital, back in the eighties.  Now, I never ever thought I would use the name Finola.  Actually, I had picked out another girl name since I was eleven-years-old that I thought I would use FOR SURE if I ever had a baby girl.  Then we got pregnant again and I started thinking I would really love a girl name that started with "F" since our last name is Ford.  After nixing "Fiona" because it reminded me too much of the movie Shrek, I remembered Finola.  I loved the fact that I have never met or heard of anyone else with that name.  I personally loved having a name that no one else had when I was growing up...it made me feel special/unique.  I thought Finola Ford sounded like a beautiful, strong name.   I also liked that it could be shortened to Fin or Nola - both of which I find cute.  (Ya know, if she prefers "cute" to "strong/distinctive.")  Then we added the middle name Wilder because I like having a little "literary flair" to my names.  This is, of course, after Laura Ingalls Wilder, whose books I devoured many times as a little girl.

So there you have it.  Of course, I only explain all this if someone asks.  Usually people just try to hide a strange look and and say politely, though not very convincingly, "Ohhhhh...I love it...."  and I just laugh inwardly because I think it is funny how people are uncomfortable with things they don't "get" or understand.  Or they think the name is ugly.  Which is okay by me.

Names are totally personal!  It doesn't hurt my feelings if people don't like mine.  I am pretty particular and only would consider really unique names.  There are lots of trendy names I think are super cute, but would never use just because of their popularity.   And there are trendy names that so many people use that I think are blah/not cute.  But who cares what other people think???

If you love it for your babe, that is what matters. :D  Plus,  your baby will grow up and make it their own - and you won't be able to imagine them named anything else.

So how did you pick the names for your little ones?  Any regrets?  Did you ever wish you had been named something else?

g

the first week details - a sleeping baby!

Any mother who has just given birth realizes that the first week with a newborn is all about sleep.  Not necessarily you getting any sleep, but the baby sleeping a lot and you figuring out how to try to get some.

The very first night/day after birth you are tricked into thinking all your baby will do is sleep.   Because that is what they do!

My first night with Finola I got no sleep - maybe one or two hours.  Not because she was awake and keeping me up...but because I had just given birth and was SO EXCITED!  I think once the three of us got settled in our recovery suite {term used loosely} all I did all night was hold her, stare at her, and smile a ridiculously goofy smile, daydreaming about my new and unexpected life as a 'girl mama' and going over the details of the birth about a million times in my mind. 

She barely made a peep, except a few squeaks here and there {she squeaks a lot!}  I tried to wake her up to nurse every couple hours as was recommended to me by the nurses, but she was so zonked out from her trip down the birth canal that it was hard to get her all that interested in breastfeeding.  Unlike last time I wasn't too worried about this.  She would eat when she was ready.

she slept the entire first day

 I was totally okay getting zero sleep that night.  I was running high on adrenaline and happy 'birth hormones.' 

I just enjoyed the silence, and, like I said, smiled and stared at her.

The second night was a whole different story - entitled "cluster feeding."  This apparently is when your newly born babe wants to be at the breast ALL. THE. TIME.  So no sleep that night either for this mama.  She would scream every time she left the breast.  She was voracious, even though I didn't have any milk to give her yet and I was sure the colostrom had been gobbled up hours ago.  So I just kept chugging down the water in my "sippy cup" that the nurses kept refilling and putting her to breast.   I got sort of frustrated at one point just because I was feeling bad she wasn't being satisfied.  So after annoying the nurses for a while with my "is this normal?" question I then called in the lactation consultant on duty for more reassurance.  She, like everyone else, assured me that this was typical healthy newborn behavior and that Finola was simply doing her part to get my milk to come in and be of good supply.  That made me feel better.  Team effort.  Then I picked the lactation consultant's brain with any question I could think of.  Even some I knew the answer to but just wanted to hear it again.  I'm sure she loved me.

We went home after 36 hours in the hospital, anxious to get to the comforts of our own house and begin life with the new baby.

mommy's girl

dressed in her 'going home' outfit - and even an open eyelid!

ladies in pink - ready to head home!  felt a lot less scared during this 'wheelchair ride.'

And honestly, the first week has been great.  Newborns sleep a LOT at this point.  And after just having gone through this less than two years ago with Cormac I have been pretty confident and laid back about everything, instead of the bundle of anxiety and nerves and "am I doing this right???" craziness I was with him.

Finola is a very sweet baby so far.  She doesn't cry unless having her diaper changed.  My milk came in after three days and I feed her every 2-3 hours no matter what, so she barely has to cry for food.She eats, poops, and sleeps for hours at a time throughout the day and night.  Very typical newborn.  

She goes through a few hours in the late evening when she is awake for a stretch.  Dada is usually in charge then and he plays with her {um, as much as you can 'play' with a newborn...more like 'interact.'}When she is awake I can set her in the bouncy, or the carseat, or on her tummy time play mat and she might squawk and squeak but doesn't cry.  She is awesome in the car and slept through church like a champ.

She seems easier than Cormac was...but maybe we just know better how to handle things?

I know this will change.  I know around three weeks she will cluster feed again and cry more and have her "witching hours" where nothing will please her and we will wonder what we are doing wrong.

But for now, I will enjoy my peaceful, quiet, squeaking, gassy baby.  

Dada seems to get a lot of sleep. 

The adoring older bro. 

 He has been great with her so far.  Poked her in the ear once...but other than that...

I love this one.  I was like, 

"Okay, everyone pretend to be sleeping!"  

Finola is the most convincing.

"Who is this guy?  He sleeps as much as I do!"  

{just kidding, babe}

This expression pretty much sums up what she thinks of being awake...

All that being said - while she sleeps a lot...I don't, not really.  I still have to wake up every 1-3 hours at night to feed her.  So I'll get about 5-6 hours of very interrupted sleep.  I will maybe sleep a little during Cormac's nap, and I try to at least sit down and take it easy a lot during the day.  Breastfeeding is good for that!

I am not complaining.  I  knew what I signed up for.  This ain't my first rodeo.  :)

The next six-eight weeks we will be in 'survival mode' while her sleep regularizes and hopefully between weeks six and eight she will start sleeping a longer period of time during the night, giving mama and dada some quality sleep.

Til then, I am gonna rock the dark-circles, zombie expression, new-mama look the best I can.

and keep reminding myself how precious this time is,

and how quickly it goes.

g

{it's a - !}

Happily introducing
 our little baby girl...

Finola Wilder Ford

Born May 19 at 9:12pm

7lbs 7oz

19 inches

If you have been following my pregnancy, you know that a 'girl' came as a surprise to this mama.  

But, let's face it, this whole pregnancy has been a surprise!

A very lovely surprise.

She is absolutely beautiful...

Both mama and babe are healthy and thankful.

More photos to come.

And a birth story.

So excited to share!

g

sweet somethings from : a sock monkey shower!

Yesterday I had the honor of throwing a little baby shower for one of my dear friends.

This is her second pregnancy,

as she has a darling 4-year-old girl,

but her first boy!!!!

The trend these days is to call it a 'sprinkle'

if it is a second baby; 

but...call it what you want...

we did our best 

to shower 

Alicia and soon-to-be 'big sister'

Avery with all our love.

Avery picked the theme of 'monkeys'...

so we ran with it!

cake and all desserts done by Alicia's friend Laurie - so talented!

guests-of-honor...with mama enjoying a mango mimosa {alcohol-free version! :)}

sock monkey riding a 'diaper motorcycle'

faux champagne and onesie decorating!

my friend and co-hostess, laura {also, it was held in her beautiful home!!!}

another sweet little one in attendance

avery enjoying the monkey from the cake

even the inside was cute!

a truly lovely group of ladies - we had fun!!!

me and the mama and sister-to-be

I'm not above taunting small dogs with sock monkeys

soon to be a family of four!

Thank you for letting me be a part of this celebration, Alicia!

You have been such an awesome friend and you inspire in many ways, 

especially as a mama.

Can't wait for many more play-dates to come!

You're almost there!
g