why I married someone like my dad

adventuring in europe - with two great dads!

Some people say that a woman seeks to marry a man who reminds her of her own father.

Now I'm not talking about physical appearance or anything Freudian, and clearly nothing has proven this theory.  I am also sure there are many women may prefer to marry someone who is the opposite of their own father.

However, it does make a lot of sense that daughters might gravitate towards someone like their own dad.  Our fathers are there (or not there) from the start.  They shape our ideals of what it means to be a dad/husband.  That could be positive or negative.

My husband, in many ways, is very much like my dad.  I never really thought about that when we were dating or even when we got married, but after almost seven years together I see it pretty clearly.

Some examples...

They have enough humor and patience to deal with an incredibly emotional and dramatic woman.  (Sorry Mom, but you know it is true. We are spirited.)  Sure, they both sometimes use humor at inappropriate and maddening moments which only seem to add fuel to whatever fire is already burning.  Also they both only take nagging for sooo long until they snap and tell us what-for.   But on the whole God granted both these men the patience of saints.  Truly.

this pretty much sums up my dad

dads are superheroes!

Both are really hard-working.  My Dad was a pastor and pretty much worked every day.  Besides all his church duties (which you may not know are limitless) he drove bus to make extra money, because at our church (definitely not a mega-church with lots of cash rolling in) the pastor got paid basically nothing.

dad as a young pastor - in his office

My husband has worked plenty of long hours during his years working a corporate finance job (okay, nothing like being a pastor) but what amazes me is all the work he does besides that...like working on our crazy reno-project house...and keeping our personal finances in order...and making deliberate quality time for me/our marriage..and helping me a ton with the kiddos on the weekend.  I also know if he had to he would work as many jobs as necessary to keep us fiscally responsible/comfortable. I appreciate all of this hard work - more than I can express.

Oh, and both men are also hard workers when it comes to manual labor.  Both love the outdoors and on camping or hiking trips they will carry the heaviest packs and hike the longest.  I could have never married a wimpy guy who didn't like getting dirty and sweaty and doing manly outdoor things!

hubby hiking the grand canyon rim-to-rim

dad summiting mt. temple for the first time

filtering water during one of our camping trips to the red river gorge

on a winter camping trip in frigid northern mn.  yes, we all had to do this with dad.

we were always taking canoe trips with dad 

paul showing off his j-stroke - learned from my dad!

Both love to read, and are very intelligent.

Both are affectionate dads.  My dad was always one to hug us, put his arm around us, tell us he loved us.  Paul is the same.   I love that he has no problem kissing and hugging our kids even to the point of excess.  I do it, too!  Our kids will hate us for it in middle school!

Both are stern disciplinarians.  It is pretty amazing seeing the similarities between these two men when it comes to child-rearing.  They won't put up with crap.  Soft hearts, but hard spanks.
There are also several very distinct differences between my Dad and my Hubby.  My Dad is very laissez-faire about money, while Paul is very conservative.  Paul is very logical, my dad is more philosophical.My dad loves packing as many activities and sights as possible into vacations, while Paul believe vacation is more about naps and relaxing as much as possible.  My dad has a very high energy level, getting up early and staying up late, drinking coffee and running on very little sleep (hmmm...who does that sound like?) Paul, on the other hand, seems to need more sleep than normal humans and doesn't drink coffee. (I love him despite this character flaw.)

But...both love the Lord.  The most important similarity of all.

That, for sure, was a deal-breaker when I was contemplating marrying Paul.  When we first started dating faith was not a big part of our relationship.  Years later, when marriage entered our thoughts after many breakups and growing up a lot, I really wasn't sure that Paul would be the spiritual leader in our marriage/family that I had always envisioned myself marrying (clearly because of my own Dad's values.) But Paul stepped up and puts my doubts to rest.  He showed me his faith in Jesus was strong - whether we were together or not.  That gave me confidence that I could marry him.

dad walking me down the aisle...already getting a little teary

So, thank you Dad, for modeling so many amazing qualities that a father should have.  For showing my sister and I, whether we were conscious of it or not, what to look for in a man to marry. We both married men that are pretty awesome, and I believe that had everything to do with you.
And thank you Hubby - for being an incredible 'Dada' to our two babes.  They adore you, because, like my Dad, you make the moments you have with them count.

hubby with a tiny cormac - learning the ropes of fatherhood

one year down!

your little mini

needing lots of rest with baby finola

drooly kisses!

dada's arms are always a safe zone

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Remember, you have an incredible responsibility (nay - opportunity!)  Your little ones are watching and learning so much from you. The boys are learning what a man/father can be.  And the girls...

...well, they may end up marrying someone like you.

No pressure, dads.  ;)

mamarazzi : sibling love

I don't know how it is in all families with two toddlers...but despite the occasional scuffle and shrieking match, mine kind of adore each other. We are talking snuggles, kisses, hugs, hog piles, adoring gazes - the works.

It was perhaps this way for my older siblings, who were also two years apart, just like Cormac and Finola.  Meanwhile, I came five years after my sister and four years before my little brother...so while there was the required sibling love, there was much more annoyance when we were little...usually at the younger sibling for hanging around, stealing thunder, or just being in the way!  I love the topic of birth order, so perhaps there is something uniquely beautiful about spacing your kids no more than two years apart.

Sure, there are moments when I wish Hubby and I had waited a tiny bit longer (maybe six months or even another whole year) before getting pregnant with #2.  These moments typically occur when I am feeling overwhelmed while mothering, eyes heavenward inwardly asking "God, what made you think I could handle this????!!!!"  

Birth order is also one of many reasons I strongly hesitate adding a third babe into the mix.  I wonder how it would affect the personalities of and the relationship between the two - oh, how the dynamic would change! (Plus, my head would probably explode and God would get reeeeeally tired of my questioning His parenting abilities.)

But most of the time, like when I look at these photos and see that clearly this - this two and this age difference - was meant to be.

Every once in a while I just get a sudden itch to take photos of my kids and end up with a few that I love.  (Excuse all the different filters - I did a lot of playing around with these.)
Have you had any 'mamarazzi' sessions of your own, lately? 

finola - one year!

Dear Fin,

I'm a little late in posting this, but I'm sure you don't mind.

Your first birthday came and went as quickly as the entire first year.

What a lovely year!

Eating:

Awesome.  You love your food.  You get immediate 'food envy' if you are not offered what others are eating.  You will pretty much eat anything, and a lot of it.  Still prefer the bottle over a sippy cup, and still prefer your milk to be warmed up.  However, we ditched the formula (yay!) and now you are solely drinking cow's milk (or water.)

Sleeping:

Consistently through the night - barring instances when you are teething, when you may wake up several times for comfort.  Still taking a morning and an afternoon nap, with no real end in sight as far as the first nap goes.  

Sibling Relations:

Lovely.  I adore watching you and your brother together.  Sometimes you scuffle (aka he gets annoyed at you for being up in his business)) but the love there is so cool to watch.  You both will randomly hug and kiss each other, and it is the sweetest!  You want to be wherever he is and playing with whatever he is playing with.

Milestones/Developments:

• Started standing on your own, without support from anything!  It is so cute how you laugh proudly nearly every time you do it, which is all the time.
• No independent steps yet.
• Started attempting to use eating utensils.
• Getting better with the sippy cup.
• Will both wave and point at things.
• Can now finally climb down the steps and off of whatever you have climbed up onto.
• Still lots of babbling but no new words.  You go off on long baby tangents where you look like I should really know what you are talking about.  I just smile and nod and say, "Really???" a lot.

Health/Measurements:

• weighs 22 lbs...was in 85th percentile for weight and 25th for height.  short and chunky at his point, and I love it.  
• has six teeth, two on bottom, four on top.
• apparently the Ohio River Valley air is bad for babies, also...she has constant congestion and drippy nose, it seems.

Month's Memories:

• The first birthday party!!!!
• Tons of trips to the park due to the beautiful warm weather.  You love climbing on the playground equipment and going down slides, by yourself or with mama or brother.
• First time in the pool and going to splash parks.  It is clear you are my water baby.  You had no problem (despite initial water coldness on opening day at the pool) hanging out with mama in the pool, and you LOVE splash parks/fountains.  You even climbed right in by yourself at the one by your Mimi's house.

Instead of the usual onslaught of pictures from the past month, I decided to do a slideshow of the year instead...

So there it was -  the final 'monthly baby update.'  I want to cry thinking that this was probably my last 'first year' with an infant.  But in so many ways I am just simply grateful and excited to watch my two little ones grow into 'big kids.'

the renovation : from a kitchen to a family room (in progress!)

As with all other rooms in our home, the "future family room" (as Cormac refers to it, in his adorable lisping toddler voice) is not finished...nor really anywhere close to being fully-functional as a 'casual gathering spot/media room/play space.'

(aka we have no TV in there...and no place to set anything.)

But...there is progress!  

(*one arm raised in the air victoriously*)

This has become one of my favorite rooms.

Why?  The light.

I love (crave, need) natural light, and after a lot of drama involving contractors and the local historic association, we were finally able to install French doors with a transom above in the back of our home, letting in an incredible amount of natural light.

  

Another change we made is that we installed new wide-plank hardwood floors (there was nothing salvageable underneath the checkerboard tiles.)  We did the same reddish stain and varying widths that we did upstairs.

Oh, and painted.  A grayish-white called Montpelier Madison White (Valspar)

This was the room when we moved in, back when the home was two units.  I definitely always envisioned it more as an entertaining space, not the kitchen that it was at the time.

BEFORE:

And...AFTER: 

BEFORE:

AFTER: 

just ignore the backyard...that is the next big project

Yes, the room is pretty bare but I love the start we have and am excited to get the other half of the room painted and continue adding things that will make it feel more "home-y" -- if that is a word.
For those who are die-hard Ikea fans like me, yes that oversized New York City photo print featuring the Flatiron Building is the one you've seen as you stroll through the store.  It is gigantic!  You can't beat the price ($129) for wall art of that scale, despite it being a bit floppy (it comes in a roll, of course, that you have to assemble onto some plastic rods.)  Both Hubby and I always admired it on our Ikea trips, but never had a place to put it.  We both have taken numerous trips to NYC and, like most, are in love with the city, and the Flatiron just happens to be my favorite building (I have other prints of it in our home.)

I even have a fun "Flatiron" story.  I was visiting a friend in NYC when I was in my early twenties, and I was kind of obsessed with making sure I saw the Flatiron Building.   Well, we never saw it and never saw it.  Then one night we end up on the subway at 1am. Not exactly the best time to be on the subway.   There were some creepy guys in our part of the train yelling things about various body parts.  I grabbed my friend's arm tightly, and basically told him we had to get off the train that instant.  Clearly I had no faith that he could save us from any predators. (Sorry Sam!) So he immediately obliged and we got off at the very next stop...which just so happened to be right smack in front of the Flatiron Building.  When I got to the top of the steps exiting the subway and gazed up at it I knew God had put us on the right train after all.

It was serendipitous. 

Anyway...

...that is the progress on the family room.  I plan to post soon on the dining room, but we are waiting on a light fixture.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

//a garden party//

So we celebrated Finola on Saturday.

Sweet little Fin.

A garden party.

Ironically, it rained and was pretty cool outside,

so we spent zero time in our "garden" space in back.

Our first party in the 'dream home.' 

We've had people over before, but usually a few at a time and for dinner.

We really didn't have finished space for a larger gathering.

But now, despite every room having at least one half-finished project going on, 

the entire house is open and able to filled up with people we love.

I had a really fun time daydreaming and crafting for this gathering.

So many options in the springtime for garden decor!

I made a bunch of crepe flowers, 

most of which I used on a statement wall

under an easy banner I made out burlap, permanent marker, and stencils.

(all stuff I already had - score!)

The crepe for the flowers only cost 7 bucks.

The rest of the decor I either got on clearance or in the dollar bins at Target/Michaels...

or I already owned it.

I made the cake and cupcakes...

just please ignore the fact that the cake is lopsided.

(I am not a super baker.)

Anyway, finally party day arrived and we had a really nice time.

It was awesome to finally have a get together with plenty of kiddos running around!

We have made it to the point where most of our friends have kids.

Kind of a cool stage in life, I have to admit.

Different, but good!

So here just a few photos from the party...

ignore the slanted cake and just focus on the cupcakes!

I wanted to set this in my front flower bed amidst the roses...but it was raining on and off all day.

in her flowery frock, ready to party

my fave part.  I would cover my house in these if I could.

some of the food.  main dishes were a mac n cheese bar with a bunch of add-ins, and bbq pulled pork sliders

another food shot

two of my friends with babes that live in my neighborhood 

my friend alicia and sis-in-law molly

my godson carter

meagan and I and the girl babies!

so many babies!  

about to sing happy birthday

she was not happy having her hands restrained while the candle was being lit - she wanted that cake!!!!

digging right in

soon everyone got bored watching her lick the icing off the cake and I snapped a few shots of her calmly enjoying the messy eating process.

her legs just kill me.  oh, and she is wearing white ruffly bloomers that were mine as a baby. vintage!

Then it was over.

As quickly as it started.

A whirlwind of friends, family, kiddos and babies.

So lovely to have a houseful of loved ones and laughter and children playing.

Perhaps (most likely) our last 'first birthday' party.

If I dwell on that too much I might cry.

Just like I almost cried throwing away her last empty tub of formula.

And when I thought about packing away her bottles.

Finola, just stay a baby!  My heart can't take all the 'lasts' in my future!

Just like your brother, you went, seemingly in a moment, from a tiny newborn in my arms...

...to a snuggly blondie who loves to laugh.

What a beautiful first year...

and a great little party to celebrate it.

Thank you to our friends and family that came to celebrate Finola.  My love language is 'quality time'...which doesn't mean I need to see friends and family a lot, per se, but simply that do our best to show up for the important stuff and when we do see each other we have meaningful time together.  I know it is hard at a crazy 1st birthday to have a lot of deep conversation, but just showing up meant a lot to me...so THANK YOU!  We are blessed to have you in our lives. 

Happy birthday, Finola Wilder!  

(One year post to follow...)