'little greta' - and thoughts on my spirited 'littles'

Sometimes I think about "Little Greta" -- who she was, and who she grew up to be.  I think about this because I have little ones now, and I know how important childhood is...how much it shapes us.

As a little one (in the above photo I am around the age of four) I was emotional in all respects, prone to tantrums - big outbursts seemingly coming out of no where.  I was also a smart aleck,  saying a bunch of stuff to see what kind of reactions I could get.  I loved pushing buttons.

I probably thought I was way smarter than I was.  I defiantly questioned my parents throughout my childhood, insisting they were not disciplining me correctly and that I knew better.  Needless to say, that never went over well.

I was a lot of things that probably drove my parents insane.  But - I was some pretty important (and lovely) things, too.

I was joyful and affectionate!  I loved forcing hugs upon my older sister Heidi (something I see Finola do to Cormac all the time!) and snuggling on the couch with my mom watching musicals.

I was deeply connected to Christ at a young age.  I remember being moved by the spirit often - sneaking into the church sanctuary while my dad (the pastor) was in meetings,  kneeling in front of the alter and praying with all my might!  I would spend a great deal of time in nature, learned from my very outdoorsy father, and felt profoundly connected to God in His creation.  I was also very forthright about expressing my faith.  I remember questioning even adults about things they said about religion.  (PS I don't really think adults appreciate 8-year-olds questioning their moral choices...just sayin'.)  My parents never had to worry about my faith in Christ Jesus - something I'm sure would have been hard for them.

I was tenacious and hard-working.  My parents never had to nag me to get a job or worry about me living in their basement someday.  I worked as soon as I turned sixteen to pay for anything extra I needed, moved out immediately after high school, and supported myself from then on.  I loved my independence and was good at figuring out life "on my own" -- of course, I screwed up a lot and there were many obstacles and rough patches along the way...which was where it was particularly good I had my faith in God.  

Anyway, I get it now. Mom and Dad - I really did have children "just like me" and so now I do understand some of your frustrations! Like in McD's the other day when Finola just randomly decided to sprint out the door of the play area, shrieking with laughter, and run across to the opposite side of the restaurant.  She probably would have ran out the door and into the parking lot had I not been sprinting after her at full speed!  We've had several conversations about not running away from me in public places...yet, it just isn't sinking in. She thinks it's hilarious!  She was cackling the whole time!  Despite loving to frustrate me,  Finola is also super affectionate, very dramatic, and simply loves life!  All beautiful things.  She pushes buttons and questions things, too...which I hope she continues to do.

Then there is Cormac, who will get frustrated because something really (seemingly) minuscule doesn't go right (like his piece of chocolate melts or Netflix won't connect) and will burst into tears and run throughout the house away wailing about how 'life isn't fair!'  (Yes, this really happens...and he's not even a teenager yet!)  Cormac has huge emotions!  Also, like "little Greta" he definitely prone to think he is smarter than he is.  He is constantly informing me how things will be done differently when he is an adult.  He will question us, even in the midst of discipline, and challenge all our parenting decisions.  I see how this can frustrate parents, especially parents who love to feel in control (like me!). However,  I also must mindfully choose to value his tenacity and appreciate that he will never (hopefully) be a doormat for anyone, even me.

I've decided while my kids are not pleasers, definitely not quiet and many times I feel like they are the naughtiest kids in the room...they are also very loving, very smart, and very honest.

finola gives kisses with wild abandon!

they both have a good 'lust for life' - and endless energy!

laughing with her whole heart.

So, lately I've been asking myself, before I discipline or get annoyed with my littles : is what I am saying nurturing their spirits -- or squashing them?  I don't want to ever, even in my frustration due to lack of control, extinguish that beautiful part of who they are.  I want to guard and protect and foster their spirit and enthusiasm.

I want them to know, without a doubt, that I appreciate their unique personality traits, even the frustrating ones.

Because, in the end, God-willing, little Cormac and little Finola grow up to be the adult versions...who hopefully have kept that unmistakable joy and light that I can see in them now.

one food, five ways : bell peppers!

I shared on Instagram earlier this week that I didn't grow up as this kid that loved vegetables.  I realize that children like that do exist.  In fact, I believe my own kids like veggies a hundredfold more than I did! (Which is to say they tolerate them and even like a few!)   My hubby is a huge veggie-lover.  Eating them raw, unseasoned, undipped, as a snack.  I was (and still am) more of a bread and cheese kinda gal!
However, I've been branching out over the past year in an effort to dramatically increase my veggie intake.  I started with green smoothies - putting loads of spinach or kale into my concoctions - and more recently have been challenging myself to find more ways to enjoy them raw or in healthy recipes.

In recent months I have fallen in love with the bell pepper.  Any color!  Some recipes call for specific colors but I've found that I can make pretty much any color work if that what I've got.

Here is what I do : 

1) Buy a whole bunch of bell peppers at once, all colors!  (Or those fun little bags of mini sweet peppers will work, too!)

2) Slice a bunch up and keep the slices in a container in your fridge to use during the week.  The best tip for healthy eating is to have healthy options ready to eat immediately!  Pick one day (I do Sundays right after grocery shopping) when you set aside time to wash, cut, portion out and prep anything you might be eating during the week.

3) Slice the rest of the bell peppers (or chop for specific recipes!) and stock up your freezer!  I will have one bag of peppers sliced for general use, and smaller bags portioned for specific recipes, with the recipe/amount written on the outside of the bag.

These three steps will set you up for an easy transition to making the following five healthy and delicious recipes below (and whatever others you can come up with!)

Here are my five go-to recipes for using those colorful peppers...

#1 Egg White Burrito 

image source : team beachbody

We use a lot of eggs and egg whites for our breakfasts, to pack in the protein without a ton of calories.  I like to mix it up when it comes to the recipes, so as not to get burned out on a particular one, and this is one I found I found a while ago and really like!  I omit the turkey bacon, as I don't really like breakfast meats - but I promise, it is still super yummy sans bacon.  I will finely chop the peppers and onion and put it in a freezer bag portioned out to make two burritos - one for me and one for Hubby!  I also find it is really good to have a bunch of whole wheat tortillas in your freezer.  They thaw quickly and can be used for all kinds of wraps, as well as the flatbread pizzas in the recipe below!  Get the recipe here!

#2 Mediterranean Pepper Sandwich

You will need:

• one whole wheat sandwich thin (or bagel thin - again, have a bunch of these in your freezer to use when needed!)
• 2 TB hummus (any flavor will do)
• 3 slices of pepper
• 1 TB of reduced fat feta cheese
• 1/4 cup of spinach

To make: 

Simply spread the hummus on one half of the sandwich thin, top with feta, peppers and spinach.  This is such an easy lunch!  

#3 Philly Cheesesteak Bake

(get full recipe at Skinny Mom here)

When I participated in the Skinny Mom 21-Day Shred a few months ago (and then again almost immediately after) this amazing recipe really stuck out to me as one of my favorites!  It is colorful and yummy!  I make it as a bake, but the original recipe has it as stuffed peppers.  Either way tastes AMAZING!  To make it as a bake, simple chop up all the peppers (including the green) and saute together, separately from your flank steak.  Another tip : to save money look for packages of thinly sliced flank steak in your meat department.  This is usually cheaper and in smaller amounts.  I have made the recipe with only 3/4 lb of thinly sliced steak and it was still great - and I saved cash!

#4 Bell Pepper and Pesto Flatbreads

This is a recipe I throw together whenever I am craving pizza but not wanting to totally blow my healthy eating plan.  Hubby loves them, too!  It makes a good "fast food" when you've had a couple glasses of wine at a happy hour, but don't want to get crazy and order an entire pizza or beg your hubby to go get you takeout! (Not that that happens in our house. Ever.)

You will need :

• 1 whole wheat tortilla 
• 2 TB basil pesto (or any kind of green pesto -- I like the skinny version found here!)
• sliced peppers (of course!)
• any other veggies you have lying around - I've used broccoli, tomatoes,  and even pineapple!
• 1/4 cup of finely shredded mozzarella cheese

To make :
Preheat oven to 400F.  Simply put your tortilla(s) on a cookie sheet, spread with the pesto, arrange toppings, and bake for 8-10 minutes

#5 Crock Pot Chicken Fajitas 

(get the full recipe here)

image source : Skinny Mom

This is another Skinny Mom recipe and will just make your life easier during the week!  I will have the peppers for this already sliced, frozen and ready to throw in the crockpot.  The other ingredients are ones you hopefully already have on hand as well.  Healthy staples like cans of Ro-Tel or simply diced tomatoes, frozen chicken breasts, lime juice, onions, and low sodium taco seasoning (homemade or the packets) are all things I typically buy in bulk to have on-hand because they fit in with so many healthy recipes.

There it is!  Five yummy and healthful ideas for a bunch of bell peppers.  Buy em, slice em, freeze em and you always have some healthy options!

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What veggies do you love that can do double or triple duty throughout the week? 

 I love to hear about healthy eats that can be used in a wide variety of ways!

I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!  

running - for my life.

I ran my first marathon at the age of thirty-three.  

It was honestly one of the most challenging and enriching experiences of my life.  The long hours of training on frigid winter Saturday mornings.  The amazing barrage of emotions and physical highs and lows your body goes through during the race.   

I laughed, I cried, I nearly danced at different points during those twenty-six miles.   

After running the marathon last May I decided I needed a break from running.  I’ve pushed my body pretty hard and it needs rest from running, I thought.  This is probably a normal response for a runner after completing such a huge run for the first time.

So I stopped running.  I kept working out, almost every day, but shifted my focus to group fitness classes and the elliptical.  Runs became few and far between.  

During this hiatus I easily lost the five pounds I gained during marathon training...you know, from eating everything in sight.  (Marathon training makes you very, very hungry - and makes you believe you deserve to eat anything you want!) I did a clean eating cleanse and kept up my healthy habits.  

Yet, despite losing those pounds, eating much more healthfully, and continuing to work out regularly...I became significantly depressed.

I’ve suffered chronic depression, on and off, my entire life.  I have accepted that it is a part of my unique psyche and something I can control, to a certain degree.  There are many things about my depression that I am actually thankful for.  However, that self-realization has taken many years, and is always a work-in-progress.  

When I was in my early teen years I had definitely hit a low point.  I had very low self-worth at that time in my life, and wasn't coping really well.  I know the teen years are angsty and hard for everyone to some degree, but this was definitely to an unhealthy level.

Then, out of nowhere, at age sixteen I discovered running! Up to that point I was a non-athlete.  Team sports involving balls and coordination made me anxious and I was pretty terrible at all the ones I attempted.  So besides the long walks I took everyday around our woods, musing over life and daydreaming about the future,  I didn’t get much exercise.  I never thought of joining track since I'd never excelled at track and field in elementary school, and my small high school did not have a cross-country team at that point.

Running was just not on my radar.  I'd barely gotten through the mile we were required to run in ninth grade gym class.  (Gym class...shudder.) 

//source//

Then, the summer before my Senior year of high school, I decided that while I might never be an "athlete," at least I could look like one.  So I started changing those walks around our property into runs.  I would run my heart out.  No one was there to watch so I pushed it hard and when I became too tired to run, I walked until I had energy to run again.   Or I would throw off my t-shirt, lay it on the grass and do crunches in my sports bra -- then I would sprint some more. It felt awesome.

I immediately saw the changes in my body.  That was not surprising.  I went from very average to lean and muscular pretty quickly.  

But much more satisfying than the ab muscles that formed or the newfound physical strength I felt...was the mental change I underwent.  I finally had a positive outlet for negative mental energy.   I ran out my aggression and angst to a large degree.  I discovered something that gave me self-esteem and a sense of identity.  I was a runner!  

//source//

God definitely showed me running.  He led me to it.  Out of love - to save my life.

So, recently, after years of consistent running,  I made a mistake : I stopped running.

I had forgotten how important this simple ritual of running was to my mind - to my entire life. 

And that absence took its toll.  

I thought my depression was worsening just because I didn’t have a big goal anymore.  Or maybe it was the age range that my two toddlers had reached -- both loud and kinda challenging in temperament.  Or perhaps I just wasn’t reaching my potential as a mother/woman?  Self-doubt started taking over my thoughts.  I contemplated the idea that I should start working again outside the home, or develop a side gig, as many of my mom friends had done recently.  

It was like I was fifteen again.  Who was I?  

Although I was functioning, I was not functioning the way I knew I should be.  I’m feisty in general, an analyzer and definitely an over-thinker...but suddenly I could not shake the negative feeling that I was spiraling downward in the dissatisfaction with myself.  My former delight in motherhood was waning, I felt constantly tired, and often hopeless.  I prayed night and day.  I called out to God.  I felt Him near me, but quiet.  I felt Satan attacking me with negative thoughts and whispers (sometimes shouts) of "You're not doing enough, Greta!" 

I even saw a psychiatrist for the first time ever.  I tried medication...and then something deep inside told me that wasn’t the answer for me.

One evening my husband and I were out at a restaurant having dinner with his boss, a co-worker and their wives.  I found myself chatting with the wife next to me.  She is a mother of four grown children, so I asked her how she got through those years, mentally, with so many little ones. I mean, I thought it was difficult with only two!

“It was hard.  My doctor told me either I needed to start running or I needed to go on anti-depressants.  So I started training for a marathon!”  She laughed casually at the memory, but her comment struck me.

In my head I was thinking - wow.  I know running isn’t the answer for every person suffering from depression, but her statement reverberated through my soul.  Running. Obviously.  I haven’t been running.  Why did I stop running?

Suddenly it was pretty clear.

I don’t just need to work out.  I need to run.  For my happiness.  

For my life. 

I recently began training again - this time for a half marathon in May.  As the mileage has crept up to five and six mile runs, my the cloud of depression has quickly faded.  Other things have helped as well -- reading God's word in the morning before checking any social media, seeing a therapist regularly to vent to and get new insights from, turning away from negative relationships and focusing on positive ones, joining (or starting) groups involving things I am passionate about...

...it's all a process, of course.  

But, for me, running has to be part of that process.

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As you look back on your life -- what have been your "lifesavers"?  

stitch fix : florida fix!

Hello Friday!  

I'm coming off of three days all to myself which, if you are a mama, is a rarity.  Hubby was on a business trip for five days, and my amazing in-laws decided to give me a little break by taking the kiddos for most of the time he was gone.  Wow.  It was weird to be by myself in the house for that long.  When you are a stay-at-home mama you get so used to a house full of noises that the quiet struck me as kind of weird...and a bit sad!  I did get a LOT accomplished, such as moving all of Cormac's stuff to his new bedroom!  I am excited to share his new room once we've put a few finishing touches on it.  Now his former room is empty and ready to be transformed into our master bathroom...hurrah!

Another thing I finally got to do was take photos of my latest Stitch Fix items!  I got my box a couple weeks ago, but with the kiddos no longer taking afternoon naps I never got a chance to do my "nap time photo shoot."    So this photo shoot only has my "keeps" -- of which there were three!  A very good Fix, I must say.

Despite the snow on the ground outside, I got to pretend for a day that it was summer and I could dress myself for my favorite season.  Boots are fine and sweaters are cozy...but when it comes to fashion I much prefer tank tops and maxi dresses and wedge sandals and all of it bathed in beautiful sunshine!

So, for this Fix I requested that my stylist Hillary send me some cute items for our upcoming Florida family beach vacation.  Specifically I was hoping for a bold maxi dress with a halter top, and some flared jeans, and I really wanted to try the "cold shoulder" trend I've been seeing and really loving.

Here are my keepers...

#1 Jaye Cutout Shoulder Top (by THML)

So I guess at the mention of my Florida trip my stylist thought maybe Florida Gator colors would be best?  In any case -- I love this top!!!!  The cut-outs are really cute, I can wear a normal bra with it, and while it is flowy it is still flattering (i.e. does not make me look pregnant.)  Winner!  While I'm not a Gators fan, I love the orange and blue together.  I bet I'll like it even more once I get a bit of sunshine (er, or bronzer) on my skin!   Can someone please recommend to me a good bronzer?! Anyway, this top was an easy keep.

#2 Caspar Maxi Dress (by Collective Concepts) 

Maxi dresses are a must-have for summer because they are so comfy and really are flattering on any figure.  I kept this one because of its bold print, fun colors (again with the FL colors!) and the halter top with cut out makes a statement and is different than any other maxi I have.  I like that it has a built in half-slip, too!  I feel really comfortable and beachy in it, yet still dressy, so I think it will be perfect for all types of events this summer.

#3 Blossom Flared Jean ( by Level 99)

I know I look like a nerd in the booty shot above...but I love these jeans, particularly from the back. Flares are back and, oh my goodness,  this girl is happy!  While I've tried to embrace skinny jeans, the fact is : I have short legs and flares/boot cuts are simply more flattering on curvy bottom halves. These jeans are soft and comfy and have a fun wide flare at the bottom.  Believe me I'm gonna enjoy this trend while it's around...because it seems to come and go quickly.

Have you tried Stitch Fix yet? I have been getting Fixes every other month or so for over a year, and honestly I am loving it more and more.  It is really convenient for the busy mama who really doesn't want to spend her free moments trying on a million items at the mall. Honestly, while I don't adore every single item I'm sent, almost all of my favorite items in my wardrobe have come from Stitch Fix.

Plus, it's just fun.  Fun to get the box, to see what your stylist picked, and fun to try it on with other items in your wardrobe.  Then, whatever you don't want you just put back in the envelope provided and mail back.  Easy!  Plus, you get to decide how often you want a Fix, you pick the specific day you want it to arrive, and you can ask for specific items or to try a specific trend.  As you can see above, your stylist will do her best to deliver on your requests.
If you feel inspired to schedule your own Fix, use my referral link by clicking here!  I don't get anything from Stitch Fix for blogging about how much I love it, but if you use my link and end up getting a Fix down the road I earn a $25 credit.  You will, too, if you refer your friends!  It's kind of awesome.

What trends are you wanting to try out this season?  

Have a beautiful weekend!

renovation diary : the family room (b + a)

It has been nearly two years since I've shared progress on our family room.

This room started out as a kitchen to the back unit of the house (a two-unit rental when we bought it.) Back in 2014 (check out this post) we had completed the floors, installed French doors leading out to the backyard, and purchased our gray sectional.  Then it was pretty much radio silence.

We literally have not even used this room until a few months ago when we hosted Thanksgiving dinner and needed the space.  It's funny how entertaining lights a fire under your decorating rear end!  We finally moved our TV back there, as the antique built-in we purchased was stained, at long last, and ready to use.  Because it was Thanksgiving,  clearly there needed to be a room (or two!) to watch football.

So, with the TV moved, it was official.  Family room!

Since then we have lived in this room.  Movie nights, snuggle time,  play time, game time, and, of course, the kids LOVE the couch - wrestling, creating pillow forts and tunnels, having pillow fights...so all the throw pillows you see are totally necessary.  I no longer feel bad about money spent on fun toss pillows!  It's for the kids, babe!

The room hasn't really felt "decorated" (as in warm and personal) until recently, though.  We still need a coffee table (which Hubby is going to make), an updated light fixture,  and we are thinking of installing some wall sconces, since there isn't a lot of room for lamps due to the giant sectional.

But now that there are curtains (the key to a "finished" look!) I feel ready enough to declare progress!

'stamped dot' curtains from west elm

Here are some before and after shots, because it is always fun to see the 'then'...

...and the 'now' :

Then...

Now...

Then...

Now...

I still need to add a bit more decor to it, but I am okay doing this slowly, and having it look a little sparse.  I resolved recently to keep only things that 'spark joy' in our home, so I hesitate to just try to "fill space."

You should definitely hold out (or just move stuff around) until it feels like 'your personal style' -- thus evoking comfort and joy. 

St. Paul print found on Etsy (thank you, sweet in-laws!)

All the framed art/photos have been in other rooms in the house...except that one on the right, of course...lol. 

We found this cabinet at an antique mall to replace the old, icky one that was there before.  It looks like one we had in our first home...that I have missed ever since we lived there!

I have been adding plants to the house over time...and, of course, needed one in this room.

Plan is for Hubby to make a coffee table to replace that well-used black Lack IKEA side table. All in good time!

since I was in 'decorating mode' I placed my few 'design books' in the built-in - hoping for inspiration!

As you can see, keeping the couch 'in order' was a short and futile effort.  This room is made for forts and jumping!

view from the couch - the glass cabinet doors open up to reveal the tv.  the dark stain is nice, as it kinda makes the tv disappear in there if it is off.

I tried to find art around the house for the photo ledge (we used two from IKEA...ten bucks each!) that fit the "metropolitan vibe" I wanted.

I'm glad we went with these photo ledges from IKEA -- I can change up the art without putting additional holes in the wall.  Perfect for the non-committal decorator!

these were in the former guest room...so they've made a home here (for now.)

I didn't work too hard to make the couch look perfect...you can see the chaise is a favorite place to lay!

Hubby made these gas pipe curtain rods for me for Christmas...I loooooooove them!

I've wanted curtain rods like these for ages, and Hubby made it happen for $25 a piece (West Elm's price was at least three times that.) 

This room is now a room we love to be in together.

I like how much light comes in!

I love that we found a sectional to fit perfectly in the space.  There is enough space that we can all pile together and cuddle, and yet we can also have personal space if we want it.  We love moving the ottoman around to create an extra chaise lounge or "bed" depending on our needs!

I like that everything is simple, yet a bit playful.

The room has definitely come a long way in three years!

The kids, I'm sure, won't miss the construction zone you see below...

Our kids have literally grown from a toddler and newborn to two pre-schoolers during the renovation of this room!

So - family room complete!

On to the master bathroom!

mama confessions : why giving up naps was a beautiful thing.

It is funny how sometimes the things we fear most end up being the best things for us.

I think it is the natural human fear of change.  This can be in routine, job, letting go of unhealthy relationships, etc.  Even if we know it might be the best thing for us, we still drag our feet and try to think of reasons to keep it (whatever it is) hanging around.

This is how I was with naps, certainly.

I dreaded the day my kids stopped napping.  I heard mama friends say their kid stopped napping at two (or never napped) and I would inwardly cry for them.

Surely my children would nap until they were at least five!  How else would I survive?  Cormac has never given me too much trouble, and he is 4.5.  Sometimes he'd grumble about his nap, but he is my "rule follower" and it was pretty easy to convince him every day that nap time was non-negotiable.  And he would sleep!  Even at four, he would sleep 1 - 2 hours most days.

Finola, my lover of sleep, is surprisingly the one that started giving me signs that the nap was no longer necessary.  I wrote in this post about the struggle that started a couple months ago.  The resisting sleep.  The endlessly getting out of her bed.  At nap time she would FINALLY settle down around 2pm, then sleep forever.  I'd have to wake her up at 4pm, which I wasn't super motivated to do because I was so stressed out from the hour it took to get her to stay in her bed.  Then at 8 o'clock she was not tired - at all.  She would fight going to bed for about two hours.  I didn't feel like I could relax at all.  Hubby and I would take turns putting her back in bed.  We tried all methods.  It was not fun, for either of us.

Sometimes these things are phases with kids - the sleep issues.  They last a week or so, then you go back to normalcy.  This behavior, however, was lasting months.  I was growing increasingly unhappy and cranky.  I was snapping at the kids and Hubby more.  I felt like each day was a struggle.

I'd lost my happiness as a mama.  I knew something had to change.

One evening, after a particularly rough day, I pretty much broke down at dinner.  The kids and I were at the table, finishing our meal, and I laid my head down on the table and wept.  My kids are pretty sensitive, so immediately Finola was patting my back and asking, "What's wrong, Mama?" in a patient, soothing voice.

"Mama's just tired, love."  I was so tired.  Tired of being cranky.  Where was the happy, content mama I formerly was?  I was beginning to think she was gone for good.

Our meal was done, so I asked Cormac to lead us in prayer.  Normally we do one of our typical meal prayers or songs, but that night I made a special request, ya know, since I was clearly having a breakdown. "Can you pray for me, Cormac?  Mama needs prayers."

So he did.  "Dear Lord, Please be with my mom.  Help her to be happy, and to like her life. We love you, Lord.  Amen."

Yes, he prayed those words.  Of course, this evoked more tears from me.  I was moved...and felt some relief.

The very next day, not coincidentally, an idea randomly popped into my head.  No more naps.  

I don't know why I didn't consider this option before...but there it was.  This was the solution to my problem.  Maybe.

So that day I announced, "No naps today!" which was met by hurrahs and fanfare!  (At least from Cormac.  Finola seemed unimpressed.)

Instead of rushing home after Cormac's pre-school for lunch, a tiny bit of playtime, and then the dreaded nap time routine (ie hellish struggle) we drove to IKEA....one of our favorite outings.   Because I knew we didn't have to get home for naps, I did not rush anything.  We were on no schedule -- for the first time EVER.

I felt like a weight was lifted.  Cormac got to play in the "big kid" play area there, which he loves.  Finola and I strolled leisurely through the showroom.  She jumped on every bed and chair she could find.  I took photos of stuff I liked.  We tried out all the toys in the kiddo area.  We had lunch and the kids played some more after eating.  There was no nagging from me to "Finish up!  We gotta get home for naps!"

With no schedule to keep, I was just plain happier.  It was the oddest thing.

Now, keep in mind, some kids still NEED to nap.  I could not have made this change even six months ago.  I was a bit worried they would have meltdowns due to tiredness or fall asleep in the car on the 40 minute drive home.  But nope, they were fine.

We got home at around 3pm and I thought, "What now?"

So we did "quiet time" and snuggled on the couch and watched a Tinkerbell movie.  Well, they watched, I dozed.  I was pooped.

After that we played a while in their rooms before starting dinner.   Following dinner it was bath time, and then, miraculously, bed time!  (I decided to shoot for an earlier bedtime - seven - since we were skipping naps.)

Hubby put Cormac to bed (always pretty easy) and I did Finola...

...who, for the first time in almost two months, fell asleep within minutes.  Hallelujah!

It all felt very low-key and lovely, like my parenting days of yore, and for the first day in almost two months I enjoyed being a mother again.  I shed a few happy tears that Cormac's prayer was answered so quickly and beautifully.

It's been several weeks and I've stuck with "no naps" and not looked back.  We can go on longer adventures in the afternoons and I am way more relaxed now that my head is wrapped around the new routine.  I feel like I have more time to enjoy my children, instead of fighting them about everything.

Now, let's be real : not every day has been perfect.  Cormac has had a few late afternoon meltdowns that I maybe can attribute to lack of napping.  I've had less time to get things done, since I no longer have those two hours to myself in the afternoon.   Less cleaning, less writing, less personal space.  I thought that would be a really hard adjustment.  But it hasn't been.  I just am forced to be more creative with getting things done...and I think that is a positive thing for me.  I waste less time.  I value the time I do have even more.  Against all odds I feel like I actually have MORE time.

quiet time = snuggle time with a tired mama

This is all I know for sure : 

We have an awesome and loving God.  Who loves us at our hardest times. When we doubt ourselves.  When we want to give up and run away from what we feel called to do.

For anyone, motherhood can be hard - but don't ever doubt the power of an earnest prayer.   

Especially that of a child.

+ + + + + + +

Have a lovely weekend, everyone!  (Naps...or not.)

the renovation : the master bath begins! ('before' photos + inspirations)

The time has finally come.  We have lived in 'the dream home' (a Victorian fixer-upper built in the 1850's) for over three years, and it has always been in our minds to transform the bedroom adjacent to our master bedroom into a big, beautiful bathroom.

When we bought the place the room looked like this:

Both the master and this adjoining bedroom were blue.  The blue was a little depressing for us...so we painted them gray immediately.  Because gray is not depressing.  Obviously.

When we eventually moved in, after selling our previous home, the room became the Cormac's nursery. Well, baby boy is now four, and the room has transformed into a giant toy wonderland!  

this room has had lots of playtime in it!  

We have done nothing but paint the walls in this space - there is a lot that needs to happen cosmetically and structurally to transform it.  It is so dingy and dark!

that is a LOT of toys under that IKEA bed...and do you spy a blondie or two?

I never even put anything on his walls, because I have always had in my mind this was a temporary "boy room."  Three years later...

Now that we have two babes (and they are actually no longer babes but rambunctious kiddos) we are finally mentally ready for him to move to what has been referred to for years as "Cormac's future room" -- currently a guest bedroom.  

It is time!  Time for the master bath reno to start! Ah!  Pretty darn excited. 

We had been struggling with the layout for many months, and finally we brought in professional help.  Thankfully, our designer came up with a layout that made much more sense than any of our ideas, so we are gonna go with that.

In the end, hopefully, we will have a space that is light, bright, functional + stylish.  

Here are a few inspirations that best represent the vibe I am hoping for in the space...

//housebeautiful//

I am clearly a sucker for black and white - and yet I want to keep the historic charm in certain elements. Ceiling medallion, chandelier, ornate clawfoot, original hardwoods are some of the ways I hope to achieve that.  I'm sure we will end up with some sort of subway tile in there.  I am sort of a freak for the subway tile. 

//thedesignfiles//

I really love the eclectic vibe of the bathroom below, with the tile,  mismatched wood, mixed metals, and of course the subway tile shower!

//mydomaine//

Our wishlist:

• clawfoot soaking tub
• spacious shower
• separate toilet room (!!!!)
• walk-in closet 
• double vanity

Seems reasonable for the space.

Now the budget is another story.  To have it fully contracted out we were quoted a whopping 50K. OMG.  Now, that may be on the high end for an estimate, but still.  We will not be spending 50K.  

Hubby is going to have to work some serious magic on this one.  (aka do the electric and plumbing and tile work himself. Or everything.)

We'll see what happens.  If there is one thing I have learned throughout this renovation journey is that while everything takes at least three times as long as you expected, patience truly pays off.  You end up with something that you love, that fits your style, and hopefully didn't make you go broke.

I'll keep you updated on the progress of this space as we go along!

What projects are you working on in your home? 

 Anyone who has survived a major bathroom reno, I am open to advice and encouragement! :)