expat life : our first year(ish) in the netherlands!

"So how are you doing over there?!?!?!"

It's a common and innocent question that, as an expat, you get all the time.  I usually give an honest answer, which is:  "Okay!"

We are okay.

Some days we LOVE it here in the Netherlands, if the sun is shining, if we've gone on a long bike ride, if we've finally made it to a museum or park we've been talking about for months.  With three kids we tend to stay close to home, but sometimes we venture out and see the cool stuff.  Having our third baby just before we moved here probably took a bit of the adventure out of our experience.  We rent a house in a quiet neighborhood on the outskirts (it kills the city girl in me to write 'suburbs') because when we were moving I couldn't imagine functioning in the bustling city center with an infant and two small kids! 

Other days I long for home and stare at the calendar wanting it to magically jump ahead to the end of our assignment.

just waiting for the bus, living our best lives.

Please don't read this as anything other than me being real.  YES, I am very grateful that we get to travel around to other countries and see new places with the kids. The school year is structured a bit differently here (shorter summer, more long breaks during the school year) so we take advantage of traveling during those breaks. I live for our adventures! But the fact is that the exciting adventures are 5% of our time here. The rest is just normal life.

At four months into our assignment I shared my thoughts in this post. The first four months were hard.

After six months things really started feeling more comfortable here.

After nine months I felt confident, even!

After nearly a year and a half? The shimmer has worn off a bit. Life is so much easier, but not as exciting, if that makes sense.  There is a flow of normalcy to our world now.

A few of the things I've learned here, about Dutch life and about myself...

1.  No, I'll probably never stop missing Target.

2.  I do miss seeing people lose their s*** sometimes. The Dutch seem very stoic and very practical.  This is nice...but also, sometimes maddening!  They will matter-of-factly point out when you are doing something against the rules, whether those rules be "official" or simply rules they believe all people should just follow.  Example : If it is a bit chilly and you aren't wearing a scarf they will point out your error.  Dress appropriately for all weather, all the time. Use the correct bike lanes. Enter bus from front and exit in the back. If you are carrying more than two grocery bags it is too much food.  Et cetera.

3. I looooooooove riding my bicycle and think all cities should have bike lanes like the Netherlands has.  It is awesome!

4.  People seem healthier here, in general.  I guess everyone is just biking everywhere and not buying very much food.  (see #8!) 

There are adventures to foreign lands, but mostly it is just our everyday adventures...like walking along the canals every day with Whit.

5 . Stores have VERY limited hours. For example, Sundays and Mondays most stores don't open until noon, grocery stores are not open past ten or open late on Sundays, so you definitely need to get your stuff while you can!

6.  On that note, if you don't buy your bread before 6pm you might not get bread. Also, if you don't eat it in a few days you'll need more bread, as it gets moldy fast!

7.  There is one facing of bagels in the grocery store (branded "American bagels") and if you want microwave popcorn you have two options : sweet or salty. However, there is an entire 4 ft section of mayonnaise! Big love for mayonnaise here.  And sprinkles!  

A couple dear friends I have made. 

8.  While I'm on this whole grocery store tangent : I ALWAYS seem to have have the most groceries in my cart of anyone in line.  An elderly Dutch woman asked me in a concerned voice the other day, "Where will you put all of that?" as she gestured at my overflowing shopping cart.  (The refrigerators here are tiny! And you can't buy in bulk.) Most people here go by the philosophy of "buy what you need for the day and then come back tomorrow."  I guess they don't have three kids, one being a baby who really hates being in a cart.  Side note: None of the carts here have seat buckles!  And they require a coin to ensure you always return it to the corral.  Also, make sure you bring your bags as you'll pay for new ones - no free bags 'round here.

having friends + family come visit is THE BEST when you're an expat!

9. Amsterdam is not the super trashy, horrifyingly vulgar place some Americans think it is...even the Red Light district.  It is pretty clean here, and I have felt very safe in general!  People are quiet and mainly keep to themselves. Any loud crazies in Amsterdam are usually tourists. If you've been to Bourbon St. in New Orleans...well, it is nothing like that. I adore New Orleans, it is one of my top five favorite cities, but it is full of drama and interesting characters! Amsterdam has tourists and the Dutch. (see #2) 

10.  So much daylight!  (But not necessarily sunlight.)  In the spring and summer it is bright out from 5am until 11pm.  Literally bright as day.  It is confusing for the kids at bedtime.  Blackout shades are a must.

5am. So bright!

11.  Flower and plant selection is SO GOOD HERE.  Quite inexpensive, and extra lovely!  There is no excuse not to buy yourself fresh flowers all the time. 

I try to get a fresh bouquet every week!

12.  We won't be an expat family for life - or probably even more than a few years.  Some fall in love with this expat life and the perks that go with it (and there are many!) Financially, if you move abroad on a corporate expat package it can be an amazing gift! That was one of our main reasons we took this assignment. Our goal is to be fully debt-free by the time we turn 40, and get back to the States with our mortgage completely paid off. Because of this goal we chose a modest home here within our expat home allowance (and collect rent on our home in the US to fast-track the mortgage pay down.) We drive the only car option we were given in the package (a super boring station wagon that we can barely squeeze our tiny blondies into.)  I still buy inexpensive clothes and accessories. We still operate by our Dave Ramsey "cash envelope system" - which doesn't work quite as well here, thanks to many Dutch cashless lanes. (Better have your PIN card!) The only things we DO spend more money on here than we used to are travel and babysitting!

I share all that to say : expat life is different for everyone!!!!  It all depends on what you want to get out of it. You make choices that work for your family and situation and goals. You might take your compensation package and add your normal mortgage spending to live a more stylish European lifestyle. You might splurge for the huge SUV (they are freakin pricey here!) You might hire an au pair or someone to clean your home every week (which is all comparatively less expensive here than in the States, but more expensive apparently than other countries.)  Your kids might be older and easier to take on fun excursions (or maybe they are tiny but you are way more chill than I am!)

Being an expat is definitely an amazing experience, no matter how you do it. If I could go back I wouldn't change my mind - I'd do this again in a heartbeat.

That being said, it has taught me to more fully appreciate the simple things...

such as Target and 24-hour grocery stores.

the first trip home.

When you take an expat assignment, one of the sacrifices is leaving a life that may have taken years to build.  You're basically starting at ground zero.  You may be leaving family, best friends, your dream home, and perhaps even a job you love (if you're going for your spouse's career.)

After six months in the Netherlands, muddling through the process of starting over, we crossed back over the pond for our first trip home.

I approached it all with a bit of trepidation, not just because I was flying with three small children sans Hubby (but with in-laws on board to help, thanks and praise!) but because I didn't know how I would feel being back.  Would I cry tears of relief?  Would I pick up with relationships without missing a beat? Or would I miss our new life and feel no regrets about our choice to leave for a few years? 

What happened was a little bit of both.

Our first day stateside, back in the humid July air of Kentucky, all my kids (and me, quite frankly) woke up at the unholy hour of 2:30am and were awake for the day.  Wide awake.  So as not to severely annoy my in-laws (a different set than traveled with) the four of us hung out upstairs in the guest bedroom, eating snacks and probably being louder than necessary pre-sunrise.

Later that day, as I went for a run in the heavy air through their Louisville subdivision, I had plenty of thoughts of things I realized I missed.  The humidity wasn't one of them, but the friendliness of strangers you pass by was.  (Dutch people keep to themselves if you don't know them.  Unless you do something they feel the need to correct you on.  Then they will make sure to tell you very matter-of-factly.)

My kids had missed their grandparents, for sure.  After a day of relaxing and adjusting to the time difference, Finola said to me quite seriously, "Mom, today was a really good day."  It honestly had been, and all we had done is relax and draw with sidewalk chalk.  Sometimes you need that.

chess with great grandpa Bubba.

I also got to spend a few days with dear friends back in our neighborhood.  It was so fun to get some time with some girlfriends I hadn't seen in six months.  I saw as many as I could in a short time period!  I wish I had more photos!  Being in Holland has been a bit isolating for me, so it was a nice reminder that I can still hang out socially in groups with relative ease.  I also got to snuggle a few babies that had been born while we've been away, which was a total treasure.

dinner out with sweet friends in Cincinnati.

love all of these ladies. 

After ten days in Kentucky and a tearful goodbye at the airport with the grandparents, the kids and I flew solo to Minneapolis.  We met up with Hubby at MSP and headed to my tiny hometown in Minnesota for a few days at the hobby farm I grew up on.  Always relaxing, always life-giving to be in the fresh air and calm environment of home.  Spent precious time with both my brothers, my sister-in-law, niece and nephew, and my parents.  We made the most of the time : sipping Gunflint Red, relaxing on the farm, canoeing, and even hiking a tiny bit as well.

As the days dwindled and we approached the time to fly back to the Netherlands, I felt...well, not a lot.  Usually after being away from "normal life" for a while I crave my routines and the familiarity of home.  Not this time.  My heart felt a bit heavy to leave the US.  I realized that while our life in the Netherlands is good, or perhaps it is slowly transfiguring into something quite nice...it isn't there yet.  I knew I was going back to a house that didn't quite feel like home (yet?) and the distance between family and dear friends seemed even more wide.

Is this normal?  I'm not sure.

I know God has His reasons for leading us abroad, and there is so much to be said for how I've grown and been pushed out of my comfort zone in even six months.

Plus, I also know there are more adventures to be had!

Only regret from this trip home?  Not bringing an entire extra suitcase to fill with Target purchases.  Not a joke.

Here are some more moments from our trip back...

Baby Whit finally allowed himself to be held by people other than myself...mostly when I was not present.

kisses from auntie Marvie

Cormac got a bonus USA birthday celebration! (where cake tastes like cake.) 

last shot with mimi + arcy at the airport

the playhouse in mn

the weather was perfect in mn.

getting my summer wildflower fix.

I took as many walks around the trail as possible (fewer now that I have another tiny babe!) 

nature walk with uncle spence.

yoshi hunting.

my darling, constant companion.

swimming at the cousins' house.

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swinging with grandpa, singing songs I used to sing with him, too.

Whit found the best seat in the house.

a newer addition!  my mama shares my love for limelight hydrangea. 

campfire night.

trying our best to fill up the ginormous barnwood table Spence built.

missing the rest of our fam in Montana!  

Hubby and I got a date night to get dinner with friends in Mpls.

early morning reading + coffee (and bird + bunny watching.) 

blondies first time canoeing!

they still talk about this...especially in the current when we stopped for lunch!

zumbro river.

I'm just makin' sure no one falls overboard. #momlife

me and ma girl in the Old Town.

on 'top of the world' with grampa

+ + + + +

Now it is back to school!  

I hope everyone had a lovely summer holiday!

expat life : the truths about the first four months.

I'd love to write this post about how moving to a brand new country across the ocean has been pretty dang glorious.  How these first four months have opened my eyes to new cultural experiences and I've met tons of new friends and explored all of Amsterdam!  I wish I could tell you how glamorous it has been!  People keep telling me my photographs on Instagram look like it is "so amazing" here and that we're "adjusting well" and are "living the life."  Therefore, I'm faced with the fact that even well-meaning social media posts can warp reality.

I'd also like to believe this blog is about truth.  So, let me write the truths for you, friends! The beautiful truths and the hard truths about our first four months as ex-pats...

Let's begin with the hard. 

In February I started off super brave (my 'word for the year') and cast aside all my fears and moved here to the Netherlands, with Hubby and three little kiddos.  We lived in temporary hotel housing until our belongings arrived several weeks later on a ship and were delivered to our rental home.  The kids started a brand new school during that time, Finola's first time doing full-day.  It was exciting to ditch our huge 'Merican SUV and navigate the public transportation, stare out of our high-rise apartment at the Amsterdam skyline and sunrises, walk through the parks and get mauled by overly aggressive pigeons.  It all felt so cool and new!

Then we moved into our new house, a rental in the 'burbs.
Surrounded by boxes and blank walls, reality set in.

Welcome to starting your life over!  This isn't a vacation - this is your new normal.  (PS There is no family or friends around to help.  And your baby is teething like whoa and waking up every two hours.)

Immediately upon moving in we all got the flu.  Bad.  As in I personally was more sick than I'd been since childhood.  I lost eight pounds (of baby weight, mind you...so I wasn't wasting away) and didn't leave our house at all for two weeks.  Five days of it Paul was in China on business and I was alone with the kids, in a depressed fog, trying to stay afloat in all areas of life while battling that virus.  The worst.

Finally the fog lifted and I set about trying to get our house in order and feeling like home.  We had chosen a fine rental house with plenty of space in a quiet, family-friendly neighborhood.  But I soon started to miss our beautiful Victorian back in Kentucky.  Lots.  (Right now three bachelors are living in it and enjoying all our renovations.  I think about it and die a bit inside.  Okay, I'm being dramatic...but also kinda truthful.) 

There was a lot of thought put into our renovation...and time spent.  Maybe too much?  I believe God wanted us away from that for a while. 

Yes, this move has made me question all aspects of life.   I have had moments of extreme loneliness., missing friends and relatives. I have had moments of feeling isolated and without purpose.   I will flip-flop between confidence and shyness, bravery and fear.  There are days of anger and wondering God's purpose in bringing us here -- and then other days the "why" is so obvious it is shocking.

I really do believe He has perfect timing, and from what I can tell this experience is meant to be both enriching and utterly humbling for me.  To grow us as a family and in our marriage.  To stretch us.  To show us what is important.  To open our eyes to that which we took for granted.

We have had plenty of stressful moments where I have literally said, in tears, "I don't think I can stay here.  It is too hard."  Then the next day I look out at the canals, or I take a run by the flower farms, or I get a text from a new friend, and I think, Maybe I'll make it through this after all. 

I think many ex-pats experience the same thing -- a hard first few months.  All of a sudden all you have is each other.  Which is so beautiful...and humbling.  And sometimes painfully hard.

Then you grow, and adjust, and begin to adapt to your new home.  Your heart opens enough to start breathing fully again and enjoying things.  And that is where I am at in this moment, four months in - finally breathing normally again.

Okay, so now let's talk about the beautiful truths, because there have been plenty of those, too! 

• Riding a bike again for the first time since eighth grade!  I love, love, love cruising around on our bikes, both solo and as a family!  Paul and I have gone on several dates biking around to different locales and it was the most exhilarated I've felt in years!  I seriously feel like a kid again every time I am on my bike, zooming along the bike paths with the wind whipping through my hair.  We even biked to church on Sunday!  It's my favorite thing.

• We've been able to travel as a family to Paris and Morocco.  Both trips were so different and complete treasures.  Paul and I have traveled internationally together before, and I've no doubt our romantic getaways would have continued.  But without this move I honestly don't think I'd have taken on Paris with three littles, or Morocco with a tiny baby.  (That's a hard no, honestly.)  Definitely looking forward to more family adventures here!  

• I started running consistently again!  It is so nice running along the road beside beautiful canals, farms and fields.  Currently looking for a half marathon to register for, as I honestly believe being registered for a race is mental health necessity for me.  100% serious.  

• The kids go to an awesome international school, have made some friends, and are adjusting just just fine.  Cormac does, however, miss all the rules and order of Catholic school.  (Not kidding.)  Finola, on the other hand, is thriving in the more Montessori-style of classroom.  

• Whitman is growing like a little weed, sprouting teeth, crawling to everything he shouldn't, yelling loudly to get attention, making giant messes and all with a sweet grin that will make you forgive him in a heartbeat.  He might be my loudest and most persistent child yet.  God help us.

• The weather has been lovely!  Springtime here, which may be an anomaly, has been warm and sunny and breezy.  

• We live within an hour of the sea!  You don't know how good this is for my soul.  I've gone twice, and can't wait to visit more beachy spots this summer!

A lot to be thankful for, amidst the tough stuff and the heart work.

So I'll grow with the hard, and cling to the beautiful.

+ + + + + + + + +

Some random moments from our first four months...

bikes + canals forever and ever.

Riding the metro with Whit right after we arrived.  It was February and very, very cold + windy.

our temporary high-rise view in the land of tulips.  sunset and sunrise every day.

the new house.  notice the creepy fingers in the mail slot.

After the movers first delivered our stuff to the new place.  we are still getting settled even after four months.

on one of our many, many stroller walks to the grocery store - before I was brave enough to drive a car!

the metro stop near our house goes all the way to centraal station! 

This date night back in late March has been our only venture to the actual city center, thus far.  #reality

red light district - post-flu.  I remember how sick I had been just looking at this pic.

ducked into a random sushi place during our rainy date night.

a walk in the nearby forest in early spring.

I'm still trying to decorate our quirky home built in the 1970s.  

Twice a week I pick the kids up from school and we all ride the Metro home.  We are quite a crew!

Dutch beach vibes.

Enjoying a tapas fest in Amsterdam on Mother's Day.  

Brothers on a beach day!

hanging out on the grassy knoll with some neighbor friends.

beautiful spring canals.

Celebrated our very first 'King's Day'

Whit hanging on King's Day at the home of some new friends! 

I never tire of the wildflowers in our 'hood.

Finola getting artsy at school.  One of her art teachers is our landlord and she sends me pics! 

Proud of his artwork at school.

a windmill on our drive to the seaside.

red poppies at the metro stop near our house. 

IKEA with the three kids is an adventure in itself!

Cormac and his unending search for shells.

winter on the metro.

at one of the many parks near our house.  playground and duck pond around every corner.

After four months, the blondies are adjusting, too - and dare I say, thriving.

we have experienced a LOT of wiggly teeth, sprouting teeth and losing teeth since our arrival here.

Finola and I found our new date spot (to replace Target.)  Hello Hema! 

We eat a lot of sweets here.  #coping #dutchlovesweets

We have embraced the bike life.  Paul even takes all three at once!  #superdad

These two are now only one year apart in school instead of two.  It is as fun and full of drama as you'd imagine.

Family picnic at the Amsterdamse Bos (the forest). 

Mostly our lives are just everyday stuff like this, though.

Fresh flowers every week! My little splurge since moving here.

Yep, this kid is as happy as he seems in pics.

Finola celebrating birthday #5 with her class at school!

Date night on bikes!  My favorite thing now.

Walking trails along the neighborhood canals.

"Home is wherever I am with you."