mama confessions : handling two

It is no secret that our little Finola was a surprise.
I really wasn't expecting to get pregnant when we did, or to have two littles so close in age (less than 2 years.)

I wouldn't trade Finola for anything...but I still wish they were a little farther apart in age.

"What have I been born into???"

As a stay-at-home mom, handling two so young can be challenging. It is a juggling act that I often feel ill-equipped to perform.

Both need diaper changes.  Both cry often to communicate - despite the fact that Cormac talks a ton now.  Both want to be held.  Both want to be interacted with, but in totally separate ways.

Yes, those are marshmallows on his tray.  It is my latest form of bribery.

"Help!"

The hardest part - I constantly feel like I am failing one of them.  We can't really all "play" together.  I have to try to play with Cormac while I hold Finola.  I have to nurse Finola while trying to explain to Cormac why we can't go outside right this second.

I hear a lot of "No Baby!  Set down Baby!!!!"

"I think they forgot about me again."

Meanwhile, though she is patient as a saint, even Finola has her moments.  The past two days Hubby was out of town for work, and I had two days with no breaks, and doing the night time routine myself.   For some reason Finola didn't feel like napping much yesterday, which made it especially hard.  I didn't get my normal "alone time" with Cormac, or any time to myself for that matter.  Bathtime for both of them went okay, but at bedtime I had to set her down while reading Cormac his books.  She screamed next to us nonstop while I read Cormac Green Eggs and Ham.  I am not sure he could even hear what I was reading, although he seemed mesmerized.  I sang him a song and said prayers to the sound of screaming as well.  That was fun.

When I was finally able to leave the room and comfort Finola (while listening to Cormac fuss sadly and say "Mama come back!") I went to the nursery, offered her the breast and broke down into tears myself.

Yup.  Sometimes you just need a good cry.

Then she fell asleep and I skulked downstairs to pour myself a rather large glass of wine and eat some chocolate.

I know it will get easier.  She will get bigger and they will eventually play together.  He'll get potty-trained.  She'll go full-time on the bottle, which will make things more scheduled.  Her naps will become more regular.

It will all go so fast.

So, for now I will: 1) take one day at a time 2) thank God that Hubby doesn't travel often 3) view it all as a challenge that clearly someone up there thought I was capable of handling  and 4) religiously take my birth control.

I think two tiny ones are about all this mama can handle.  :o)

g

{thirty-two}

Yesterday I turned thirty-two.
It occurred to me I couldn't really remember how I celebrated my past two birthdays.  I'm sure I could research it -- ask Hubby, look back on photographs we took, etc.  I am beginning to think once you have kids things kind of become a blur.  Time speeds up.  Days blend together.  You stop thinking about your own birthday and, rather, obsess about theirs.  (Okay, maybe that is just me???)

Anyway, I wanted to record the events of this past weekend - my first birthday as a mama of two - so I wouldn't forget.  It wasn't particularly exciting...but it was lovely all the same.

Friday night I had my first girls night out since having Finola.  Hubby did double-duty while I got to go out with two sweet friends of mine.  We got dinner at a cool new restaurant.  I drank a tall, amazing beer and ate a fabulous shrimp and risotto dish.  We ate and talked for several hours, then walked around, found a cool swinging bench to sit on and talked some more.   Lucky ladies that we are, we just happened to be sitting in the perfect spot for the weekly Friday night fireworks show by the river.
Then we got frozen yogurt - my first time having Orange Leaf.  Yum!  Sweet end to a fun night with friends.

Saturday night my bestie M volunteered to babysit the babes and Hubby and I got a date night!  We went to the seafood restaurant we love near our home - the same one where I popped the question six years ago.   We ordered a bottle of one of our favorite wines {Cakebread Cabernet - 2009} and ordered a bunch of appetizers, including oysters, which I haven't had since before I got pregnant.  Loved it all!  Then we saw a movie and I might have inhaled an entire box of Milk Duds in lieu of birthday cake.  Totally worth it.

Sunday, my actual birthday, was a rather normal Sunday.  Highlight was Cormac serenading me by singing "Happy Birthday"  Here is the video...



Pics from my birthday - taken before church.  Usually I make sure to get a few photos of Hubby and I before our 'birthday date.'  This year I forgot to do that.  Instead, we have some of me and the kiddos.  (Well, mostly me and Finola, since Cormac ran away as soon as we suggested he stand still.)

+ + + + + + + 

Lastly, it was unintentional but Hubby took a photo of me and Finola that reminded me of a photo of me and my mama...

Here they are -

 My mother and I.  She is 34 and I am probably about 4 months.

Finola and I.  I am 32 and she is nearly 2 months.

 Mamas and daughters, 

thirty two years removed.

Love this.

Best birthday I can remember.

g

stuff to never forget...

There are things I never want to forget about Cormac.

Little things.

The way he climbs into my lap every time he wants to read a book.

The way he has to be touching me in some way when we watch a show together on TV.  Either he is standing on the floor between my legs as I sit on the couch using them as armrests, or leaning against my knees, or sitting on my lap with his hands on my arms, which are around him.

The way his kisses come out of no where.

The way his hair smells - of shampoo and sweat and dirt and rain.

The way he can sense if I am upset and frantically tries to make me feel calmer/better.  It always works.

The way he "helps" me cook.

The way he prays.

The way he hugs and kisses the Buddha statue in our flower garden and assumes Buddha's folded hands are praying to Jesus, so he says our mealtime prayer.

The way he picks up rocks and puts them in his pockets wherever we go.

The way I find rocks in my purse that he has snuck in there...oh, and the washing machine because I forgot to empty the pockets of his shorts.

The way he dances.  No rhythm at all, but a lot of heart and erratic movement goes into those dance moves.

The way he now sings songs with me out of no where.  I have always sang a TON in front of him.  Amazing to hear his little voice chime in.

The tantrums.  Yes, even the tantrums.  There was one the other day that was so epic I accidentally burst out laughing.  Which made Cormac burst out laughing, too - despite the angry tears streaming down his face.  I know it is just a phase...and the kid has some big emotions, both happy/loving as well as angry/frustrated.  (I completely understand this trait.)

The way he adores his sister.  Has to touch her in some way every time he sees her, saying "Grab!"  Repeats "Bed, bed, bed" over and over until I lift him up to peer into her crib.  The way he points out all her facial features and names them.  The way he points to her and says, "Small!"  and then points to himself and says, "Big!" The proud look that comes over his face when I let him "hold" her.

I can't believe that this will all change.  He'll become a teenager and tell me hates me.  He'll be embarrassed by my constant kisses.  All he'll want to do is sleep, instead of fighting naps to spend more time with me.

And of course, then some other woman will come along and be the one he turns to for love and comfort.

But for now it is me.

For now I must relish all of it.

And not forget the stuff that sometimes drives me crazy.

That will be the stuff I will miss the most.

g

the renovation : finola's nursery (so far!)

The nursery is a work in progress.

We have done a LOT of work to it so far,

transitioning it from a blah and musty bedroom,

to a sweet little room for our 

baby girl.

• new flooring
• caulked, spackled, sanded and repainted all the trim
• added door - connecting the front and back of house
• repainted ceiling
• painted walls
• added new light fixture
• re-did the closet into an open concept (and added lighting)
• replaced plastic blinds with bamboo shades.

Well, really Hubby did all of that.

Then came my part...

the decorating.

We used mostly all the same things we used in Cormac's former nursery in our old house.

I've added a few new things, 

and will continue to!

Here are the before and after shots...

The details...

crib: craig's list

chair: ikea Hovas

ottoman: ikea Ektorp

round rug: urban outfitters 

wardrobe: ikea Hensvik (with antropologie pulls)

changing dresser: ikea Birkeland

chandelier: lowe's

paint: valspar 'granite dust' 

crib bedding: land of nod (discontinued)

white rug: ikea Tejn

turquoise curtain: target (discontinued)

"new"door: re-used from a closet in a different room {the hardware is stamped 1858!}

boppy cover/changing pad cover: etsy - {this shop}

stool by chair: thrifted and repainted/stained

bookshelves: ikea {spice racks}

closet shelving: ikea Lack

(I will update this post periodically to update the photos and give info on new items.)

* * * * * *

I'll do a separate post on the art and accessories...

I have a few things in progress!

Anyway, I'm sure this room is going to change as Finola grows

and begins to show her personality 

and opinions - of which I am sure there will be many!  

I am excited for all of that!

g

so...which old wives can be trusted?

{source}

I love pregnancy "old wives' tales."

I also am being totally facetious when I use the words "accurate" and "trusted" in this post.  It is all for fun, I know.  When you are pregnant everyone and their mother will say they know the gender of your baby based on something they've heard.  And most people completely contradict each other.  I was told "You are having a boy" about a million times while pregnant with my girl.  Why?  Because I was "carrying like a basketball" or I was "carrying low."   For these exact same reasons other folks told me I was definitely having a girl.  People also tend to think that the heart rate of your unborn child tells you what it is.  "Above 140 is definitely a girl," they will say.  Funny thing is that both my babes hopped above and below this number the entire time.

Fact is, nothing will predict it.  Well, except an ultrasound, and heck, even those tend to be wrong sometimes.  

However...if I were to believe in any old wives' tales, these would be the ones.  They were right with both my pregnancies!

Chinese Birth Chart: {This} Chinese birth chart predicted accurately for both Cormac and Finola.  

Ring Test: Oh yes, holding a necklace or ring on a string over your belly and seeing if it swings in a circle or back and forth will surely tell you what you are having...hahaha...well, at least in both of my cases.  

Toddler Interested in Belly: Um...well, this was accurate for Finola.  Cormac loved my preggo belly.  But what toddler wouldn't be interested in their mama's ginormous belly???

Craving sweets: Yes, with Finola I was a complete sweet tooth.  With Cormac it was greasy, salty fast food.

Increase of Moodiness: Yes...this means girl all the way.  I was a complete wreck with Finola.  With Cormac I was deliriously happy.  

Bad Nausea/Morning Sickness: I had this with both...but with my girl it was WAY WORSE.

Mom's Beauty - Stolen! : This means girl.  I felt rather pretty when pregnant with Cormac.  With the girl I felt just a hot mess.  And still do.

Big boobs: Mine were way larger with my girl...although that could be because it was my second pregnancy.  Just sayin'.

Motherly intuition: Always stick with your gut instinct and you'll know what you are having.  My initial guess was right with both kiddos.

Dreams:  I had no gender dreams with Cormac.  With Finola I had two and she was a girl in both.  Boom.

Mama is Graceful (vs Clumsy) : This is a toss-up.  I was able to do yoga until 35 weeks with my girl.  Then again, I also fell down the basement steps.  

So there you have it.  If you are pregnant, you can certainly trust the accuracy of these old wives' tales.  Or not.  But it is fun to guess!  

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!  I had my very first shopping trip with just me and "the girl."  You know you are a girl mama when buying clothes for your daughter is way more fun than buying for yourself. :D

g

finola: one month!

Dear Finola,

What a month we have had together...so much different than my first month with your big brother.  Not that one experience was better/worse than the other - both have had their beautiful moments and  challenges.  The difference was that I was not scared this time around, or anxious about doing everything right, or nervous every time you cried.  I felt confident and much more capable, and for that I am thankful.

Your personality:  You have been such a sweet baby.  Rarely crying except when hungry...oh, and during an occasional diaper change.

Your facial expressions are priceless.  No smiling yet...just wide-eyed looks of annoyance and sometimes horror.  Or peaceful, gassy, unintentional grins/eye-rolls.

Your relationship with your big brother:  Um...you tolerate him.  He loves to "uuuug" you and "eat your nose" and poke at you.  You only sometimes scream when this happens.

You love to eat:  breastmilk, clearly.  That is all we've given you so far.  Breastfeeding has been pretty good so far.  You have latched well from the start, although you tend to choke a bit and sputter during the let-down.  You are a "snacker" - or maybe just an efficient eater?  I say this because it doesn't take you long to eat...but you eat frequently - every one to three hours.  During the night you are waking up every 2-3 hours to feed.  I get about 6 hours of interrupted sleep per night.  I handle it okay because I know somewhere between 6-8 weeks you will start sleeping longer at night.  Looking forward to that!  :D

us after an on-the-go feeding session

You sleep:  Anywhere...everywhere...but mostly in your crib.  On your tummy.  Just like mama and every other baby in the 80's did.  It is how you sleep best and we go with it.  Almost from the start you have slept in your crib, which has been convenient for me during the night {changing table and nursing chair all right there!} and makes me think sleep training you is going to be a LOT easier.  I can put you down awake and you fall asleep on your own.  I don't have to do any rigorous, time-consuming wind-down process.  This is helpful especially since I am just getting used to handling both you and your big bro all day long!

asleep on the tummy time mat

You love wearing:  Sleepers and lots of little girlie dresses.  Dressing you has been SO much fun!  Girlie clothes for babies are adorable and it is awesome to put you in the sweet outfits we've been given by so many people that love you.  Oh, and a few that I purchased, too!   You have pretty much grown out of all your newborn clothes - but thankfully we have lots of cute 0-3 months dresses to don the rest of the summer!

We call you: "Girl" or "Sister" Well, I call you those.  Cormac calls you "Beeeeeebeeeeee."

You love to:  Sleep. Yep, that is about it at this point.

You look like:  Most people say me...although I still say all newborn babies look like wrinkly old men.  Your Gramma swears you look exactly like me as a baby.  You have wispy sandy blond hair and barely visible bleached blond eye brows and lashes.  When you are mad your face turns bright red except for where your eyebrows are, which become a glowing white.  I'm afraid you have my normal eyelashes which will require mascara and an eyelash curler someday - not your dada's long, naturally thick ones.  Sorry, girl!  Speaking of hair, you have the "Ford V" hairline, just like your brother.   Except right now it looks like you have a scary receding hairline because your hair is thickest right on the crown of your head and nonexistent near your forehead.  I think you will have my fingers and toes - kind of stubby.  Your eyes will be blue - we can already tell.

your tuft of blonde hair

your super-blonde eyelashes and nonexistent eyebrows

Mama feels:  GREAT!  Well, besides being sleep-deprived and inundated with hormones which sometimes make me a little crazy.  No baby blues this time around, and my recovery from the natural birth was a LOT easier (no tears or episiotomy.)   I am very excited to start running again and eventually hitting the gym when you are a bit bigger.  I have lost all but 10 pounds of my 36 pound weight gain.  I am super happy with that, since I haven't worked out yet, or limited my calories at all.  I have quite enjoyed eating whatever sounds good - nursing mama excuse and all. Maybe all that working out while pregnant with you has paid off?  :D

Not that this first month hasn't been hard.  Super hard.  The interrupted sleep is not fun.  Juggling two babies under two all day is quite the challenge, as it seems one of them needs to be held or fed at every moment of the day.  Preparing dinner is pretty much impossible, since they are both very awake and sort of fussy at 5pm when I try to accomplish dinner prep.  I've burned quite a few things.  I've had to become okay with every room looking a little messy (or a lot.)  It gives me twitches, but I am learning to deal.  Nope, it is not easy...but the newborn thing is definitely easier.  You really don't realize how easy having one baby is until you have two.

Your health/measurements:  
Weight: You weigh a whopping 10.2 pounds!  You still look dainty, but have fattened up quite a bit.  Nice work, girlie! You are a very efficient eater. Height: 21.5 inches (up from 19.25 - you were mis-measured at the hospital)  Head: 14.5 inches.  Everything else checked out great at your one month appointment - hurrah!  Oh, and you didn't even scream or cry at all while the doctor poked and prodded you.  I'm so not used to such good behavior at the doc's office!

This Months' Memories:

• You were born!  Kind of a big one.  I will never forget that adventure together!

fresh out of 'the oven' 

• Your Gramma and Grampa came to visit for a week!  They loved holding and cuddling you - especially Gramma, who has been over-the-moon about you being a little girl.  We did lots of fun things...but mostly you just slept through it all.  

napping on gram

• You were baptized!  Such a special day - you became a child of God!  You wore my baptismal gown from when I was a babe, and used the blanket my mama used with me.  

Milestones/Accomplisments:
You do "baby pushups," move your head around, and will scoot sometimes if I put my hands behind your feet when you are on your tummy time mat.  You seem pretty strong, swinging your head around like a battering ram when you are alert and being held against someone's chest.  You flipped over a couple times from front to back - but I'm pretty sure that was unintentional!  Other than that, pretty much you just sleep and eat, both of which you are quite good at.

baby lips

sleeping on gram

I see a lot of similarities between you and your bro.  Check out the photos below.  Same lips, hairline, and eye color.  Cormac's hair was a little darker.  Your nose is more turned-up, and you has the most pale, almost transparent eyelashes and eyebrows.  But you definitely look like siblings!  I envision two little blond, blue-eyed terrors in my future!  ;)

where are my eyebrows???!!!

future handsome dude

My girl...I love thinking about all the fun we will have together in the future doing girlie things.  I am very thankful now to have a daughter - despite my previous inclination for another son.  I am hoping you grow up to love shopping, drinking lattes, cooking, wine, and home decor.  Of course, you will probably be a tomboy -- but I will still be excited if you love climbing mountains, canoeing, camping, and basically just doing anything outside...because I love all those things, too!

You are an angel.  I hope you grow to be intelligent and kind and love Jesus.

Love, Mama + Dada

g

PS: Here was Cormac's one month update -- who says you shouldn't compare your children???  ;)