Tuesday, December 20, 2011

five months : a gift

dear baby boy,
You are five months old now.  I thought when you were in my belly, warm and protected and literally a part of my body, we could not get any closer.  but then I didn't know you.  I didn't know your smile.  I didn't know your joyous shouts and your passionate cries.  I didn't know the intense stare you have when you are trying to figure out my words and my sign language.  I didn't know your energy.  I didn't know your strong pull on my hair or your gentle touch on my face.

I didn't know I would think about you constantly, even when away from you.  that in a room crowded with people yours is the only voice I would hear. That even when someone else is holding you I would gravitate towards you like our hearts are attached with a string.

I didn't know how fulfilling my job would be to love you, teach you, feed your body with food and your mind with knowledge of your importance and of God's love for you.  What I thought I knew about being your mom barely scratched the surface.

All I knew when you were in my belly is that I wanted you.  I meticulously planned {as much as a mama can} your existence.  Your father and I waited until the time was right in our marriage to start a family, when we knew we could financially take care of you, and there was nothing else we wanted but you.  Then we prayed you would come to be...and you did, with no delay.   Some babies are pleasant "surprises" - but you were intentional.  An intentional gift.

A gift I am especially thankful for right now, during this season when there is such a focus on gifts.

I thank God for sending the ultimate gift - His Son.  I thank God for sending you, my son.  Both saved my life in more ways than I can express.

Both are gifts I don't deserve, but am ever grateful for.

I love you, crazy boy...happy five months!

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Well, tomorrow Hubby, Baby Mac and I celebrate our first "Christmas" together, close on our "new" house, and then it is off to Minnesota to see my family - so excited for the time with them...and for Cormac to meet all his cousins!

Merry Christmas to everyone!