Friday, May 17, 2013

mama confessions : labor can wait

Your last few weeks of pregnancy are definitely the most irritating.  
in the nursery. it is mostly done.  my belly feels like a giant rock.
I remember last pregnancy I just wanted the baby to come.  I, like every first time mom, kept lamenting how I was SO ready to meet my baby boy, and begin this new chapter of life.

But you are never really ready.  I was NOT ready.  I think this "readiness feeling" is our mind/body playing a fun trick on us new help us at least "feel" prepared for labor.  Funny how after labor your hormones make you feel all crazy, like 'life will never be the same!' and you may cry randomly over everything, including the loss of your former baby-free life.

(Just keep telling yourself, "It is only the hormones.  I will feel normal again!")

Yes, the "new chapter" is amazing...but mamas...please enjoy those last few weeks sans kiddos!  Go on those fun, unexpected movie dates.  Hang out with your girlfriends by the pool and chat.  Or go to restaurants as often as possible.  You have NO idea what is coming.

Movie dates will soon be a luxury that rarely happen, especially if you are breastfeeding.  Girlfriend dates to the pool will involve your post-baby belly, and a tot that may not really want to hang out at the pool at all.  And may scream.  And WILL poop.  PS: wet swimmie diaps are super fun to change in a soggy pool bathroom.  Just sayin'.

And restaurants?  Ha.  Hope you are ready for your beautiful babe to cry, need to be fed, interrupt every conversation you have, and throw things.  Yes, they will throw things.  A lot.  Try having a meaningful conversation with your spoon being chucked to the ground or rice puffs being flung at your face.

Don't get me wrong - motherhood is beautiful.  I love it, quite honestly.  But it sure ain't easy, by any stretch.

This time around, my second pregnancy, the last few weeks are still irritating...but for different reasons. I am not hoping to go into labor anytime soon.  I would gladly accept an appearance on or even a few days after my due date.

But I'm 5cm dilated...and not in labor (well, the "real deal" kind.)  I have contractions every once in a while (besides the Braxton-Hicks) but they go away after an hour of consistency and me praying that I'm really not yet in labor.

Why am I dreading labor?  It's not really the pain.  More the knowing how much harder life is going to get.  Juggling two babies.  One who is not yet two and teething and has been throwing tantrums like a rock star lately.  One who we tried to transition to a big boy bed, then realized after three weeks of him waking up super early and zombie-walking around until he found us, being cranky from his self-induced tiredness, and thereby making us zombie-walking parents.  We realized he was definitely NOT ready for a big, unconfined we chucked out the cash for another crib.  Life has been lovely for all since.  Lesson learned.

Also, it is the fear that each sweet, private moment with my son is my last. 

Every morning, when I get to go into his room to scoop him up and sing my 'good morning song,' I am grateful.  Grateful for another day of just him and me, before things get a lot more crazy.

Every night when I put Cormac to bed I wonder if I really will "see {him} in the morning light" as I always tell him while gently pushing the blonde hair off his forehead.   Or, rather, will I be at the hospital, and he will wake up with someone else there to take care of him, his world about to be rocked with a brand new sibling?

That is why, for now, labor can wait.  Gonna enjoy every sweet moment as a mama-of-one that I get.