Sunday, June 15, 2014

why I married someone like my dad

adventuring in europe - with two great dads!
Some people say that a woman seeks to marry a man who reminds her of her own father.

Now I'm not talking about physical appearance or anything Freudian, and clearly nothing has proven this theory.  I am also sure there are many women may prefer to marry someone who is the opposite of their own father.

However, it does make a lot of sense that daughters might gravitate towards someone like their own dad.  Our fathers are there (or not there) from the start.  They shape our ideals of what it means to be a dad/husband.  That could be positive or negative.

My husband, in many ways, is very much like my dad.  I never really thought about that when we were dating or even when we got married, but after almost seven years together I see it pretty clearly.

Some examples...

They have enough humor and patience to deal with an incredibly emotional and dramatic woman.  (Sorry Mom, but you know it is true. We are spirited.)  Sure, they both sometimes use humor at inappropriate and maddening moments which only seem to add fuel to whatever fire is already burning.  Also they both only take nagging for sooo long until they snap and tell us what-for.   But on the whole God granted both these men the patience of saints.  Truly.
this pretty much sums up my dad
dads are superheroes!
Both are really hard-working.  My Dad was a pastor and pretty much worked every day.  Besides all his church duties (which you may not know are limitless) he drove bus to make extra money, because at our church (definitely not a mega-church with lots of cash rolling in) the pastor got paid basically nothing.
dad as a young pastor - in his office
My husband has worked plenty of long hours during his years working a corporate finance job (okay, nothing like being a pastor) but what amazes me is all the work he does besides working on our crazy reno-project house...and keeping our personal finances in order...and making deliberate quality time for me/our marriage..and helping me a ton with the kiddos on the weekend.  I also know if he had to he would work as many jobs as necessary to keep us fiscally responsible/comfortable. I appreciate all of this hard work - more than I can express.

Oh, and both men are also hard workers when it comes to manual labor.  Both love the outdoors and on camping or hiking trips they will carry the heaviest packs and hike the longest.  I could have never married a wimpy guy who didn't like getting dirty and sweaty and doing manly outdoor things!
hubby hiking the grand canyon rim-to-rim

dad summiting mt. temple for the first time
filtering water during one of our camping trips to the red river gorge
on a winter camping trip in frigid northern mn.  yes, we all had to do this with dad.
we were always taking canoe trips with dad 

paul showing off his j-stroke - learned from my dad!
Both love to read, and are very intelligent.

Both are affectionate dads.  My dad was always one to hug us, put his arm around us, tell us he loved us.  Paul is the same.   I love that he has no problem kissing and hugging our kids even to the point of excess.  I do it, too!  Our kids will hate us for it in middle school!
Both are stern disciplinarians.  It is pretty amazing seeing the similarities between these two men when it comes to child-rearing.  They won't put up with crap.  Soft hearts, but hard spanks.
There are also several very distinct differences between my Dad and my Hubby.  My Dad is very laissez-faire about money, while Paul is very conservative.  Paul is very logical, my dad is more philosophical.My dad loves packing as many activities and sights as possible into vacations, while Paul believe vacation is more about naps and relaxing as much as possible.  My dad has a very high energy level, getting up early and staying up late, drinking coffee and running on very little sleep (hmmm...who does that sound like?) Paul, on the other hand, seems to need more sleep than normal humans and doesn't drink coffee. (I love him despite this character flaw.)

But...both love the Lord.  The most important similarity of all.

That, for sure, was a deal-breaker when I was contemplating marrying Paul.  When we first started dating faith was not a big part of our relationship.  Years later, when marriage entered our thoughts after many breakups and growing up a lot, I really wasn't sure that Paul would be the spiritual leader in our marriage/family that I had always envisioned myself marrying (clearly because of my own Dad's values.) But Paul stepped up and puts my doubts to rest.  He showed me his faith in Jesus was strong - whether we were together or not.  That gave me confidence that I could marry him.
dad walking me down the aisle...already getting a little teary
So, thank you Dad, for modeling so many amazing qualities that a father should have.  For showing my sister and I, whether we were conscious of it or not, what to look for in a man to marry. We both married men that are pretty awesome, and I believe that had everything to do with you.
And thank you Hubby - for being an incredible 'Dada' to our two babes.  They adore you, because, like my Dad, you make the moments you have with them count.
hubby with a tiny cormac - learning the ropes of fatherhood
one year down!
your little mini
needing lots of rest with baby finola
drooly kisses!
dada's arms are always a safe zone
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Remember, you have an incredible responsibility (nay - opportunity!)  Your little ones are watching and learning so much from you. The boys are learning what a man/father can be.  And the girls...

...well, they may end up marrying someone like you.

No pressure, dads.  ;)