{my little mini-me}

When you are pregnant it is pretty normal that you will daydream about who your sweet little babe will resemble.  While I totally envisioned having a little boy who looked like my Hubby, it was a little frustrating when I had Cormac and for the entire first year of his life EVERYONE said he looked like Paul.  NO ONE said he looked like me.  At all.   It wasn't that I wanted him to look like me...it was more that I personally saw a LOT of me in his giant round baby face, his blue eyes, and turned up nose.

No one else saw it, though.  So I would just smile and nod when everyone referred to him as a "little Paul" - assuming I must be just seeing him with my "mama goggles" on.

Then I had my girl - darling little Fin.

This time around I have enjoyed plenty of "she looks just like you!" exclamations from everyone - particularly from my own mother.  "It is like I am holding you all over again!" she told me when she came to help me when Finola was only three weeks old.

I was skeptical.  I thought, Perhaps people just always think the baby looks like whichever child is their same gender?

Then, when visiting my parents recently my mom broke out her treasured box of photos of all her children - one taken each year of our life.

When she showed me my three month photograph I had to do a double-take.  I honestly thought for a millisecond that it was Finola:

me - three months!  what a mean mug!

Then here is Fin at three months.  Ah!  Same hair, same eyes, exact nose, eyebrows, lips and fat double chin.

Sure, our ears are definitely different - hers are more round and stick out just a bit.  No idea where that comes from.  We have different hairlines, and she actually has more hair on the top of her head - but same color.

My point is - I never thought I would have a daughter that looks SO much like me.  But here she is.  My mini-me.  

This makes it kind of fun to imagine if she will continue to look like her mama...

Will she look like this at age two? (and, um, if you don't see Cormac in this picture then one of us is crazy.)

Or maybe like this at age three (or is it four?)

again -- clearly I am Cormac's mama

One last look at the proof that at least some of my genetics will be passed along to my children...

A big thank you to mother who (very grudgingly!) let me borrow these photographs (which, by the way, are now considered vintage/antique since I am over thirty and all.)  Anyway, I promise to mail them back asap so that you can put them back in the correct order.

I love you dearly, Mama, for making sure we got yearly photographs taken...and for your OCD-ness.

g

nursery decor : finola's gallery wall

I knew when I started decorating this nursery - before I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl - that I wanted a little gallery wall above the crib.

Something pretty simple.

So I gave this 11x14 inch framed chalkboard center stage (made simply by using chalkboard paint on plywood and a frame found at a thrift shop) and with hubby's help just arranged my other choices around it.

(Hubby hung them all - otherwise it would look a mess.)

Thought I would share some of the details here...

This frame I found at my parent's house, leftover from their garage sale.

It was silver so I painted it with turquoise spray paint.

The adorable 'You Are So Loved' print can be purchase here.

I painted this frame, found at a thrift shop, as well as the chalkboard frame, with the same paint we used for the trim throughout our house.  I love it because it is super bright!  The 'oh, hello dear' print is actually a greeting card purchased at this cute shop.  It didn't fit the frame so I simply put brown kraft paper behind it.  I find if you are trying to decorate inexpensively and want to fill a cute frame you can find creative ways to do it!

The photo of baby Fin was one I took when she was one month. (pardon the glare off the glass!!!)  I really like it and used it because she is wearing pink and I wanted to bring a little more girlish pink to the display.  The Jesus Loves Me plaque was given to us at Cormac's baby shower and I thought the color went well and that it added something different amongst all the frames.  Plus, we sing it every night before bed.

Here is another frame with some interesting detail to it that I found amongst the rejects of my parents' garage sale.  Again I spray-painted the heck out of that baby, added some picture hanging wire and baby clothespins (since it had no glass or backing) and voila!  A spot for a pic of me - super preggo with the little one.

The 'Keep Calm' print is a greeting card framed in a very inexpensive white ikea frame.  Then I put my favorite ultrasound picture of Finola inside another glassless frame I had for forever that I painted turquoise.  The turquoise owl print is (also in an Ikea frame) is from this Etsy shop and was purchased before I had Cormac.

So there you have it!  I have more projects going on in her nursery - which I think will always be a work in progress - and I will share more soon!

Hope everyone is having a beautiful week!

g

mamarazzi : mn edition

Well, I'm back.

Back from nearly two weeks in Minnesota visiting my parents.

It was, as always, such a lovely time with them, relaxing on the farm - or as much as you can relax with one really, really talkative and active toddler, and one tiny baby in your care.

Thankfully the grandparents gave me lots and lots of breaks!

They held Finola probably more than I did.

They let Cormac pull them around by the hand and ask a bazillion times while pointing to things:

"What's that???"

We did a lot together - 

went to the mn state fair

had a campfire

visited my hometown's brewery

went on a antiquing/lunch/birthday date with my mama

got coffee with a blogger friend in st. paul at one of my favorite old haunts

helped my older bro install a flagpole

had many heated political discussions {er, I mostly just listened}

ate lots of good meals {thanks mama - and SIL Jen!}

my brothers and niece and nephew finally got to meet baby fin!

went out to dinner with my good friend rach

got a dinner out with hubby!

watched a good movie with my mama {miss this!}

Lots of memories!  I am so thankful my kiddos, though we live far away, get this chance each summer to get to know my family.

Completely worth the hellish overnight drive there and the really long drive back (without Hubby!)

Here are some photographs from our little trip to the farm...

deep-fried oreo

all wiped out after a day at the state fair

"I put a frog in my hands like a cup!"

making "pizzas" in the playhouse

enjoying a 'boooger' on the playhouse front porch

how many men does it take to put up a flagpole??

my niece ella - the budding photographer

got to see this beautiful mama - twice!  one playdate and one dinner out sans babies.  miss my friend!

well hello gorgeous! 

uncle spence reading cormac's new favorite book - one dog canoe

the trail

wildflowers

our 'pasture'

one of my favorite views

I spy a little boy in the playhouse! my dad made this out of salvage wood from our old barn.

mastered the playhouse ladder immediately

sunset over gravel roads

campfire time

"Sing 'Blind Man!'"

"Amen!"

Mom and Dad -

Thanks for a great trip.

My kiddos adore you and miss you already.

Already anxiously awaiting Christmas!

g

one year ago : just when we thought it was getting easy...

A year ago we went camping in northern Minnesota with my family.  Above is a family pic snapped on the trip before we 'put in.' We were a family of three.  Oh, and my hair was the shortest it has ever been (and dark!)

ignore the overflowing laundry basket

A year ago our world centered around that little guy.  He was only one-year-old.  A really great walker, but he barely said a word then - something I cannot even imagine now.   Now will repeat pretty much anything you say, no matter how long the sentence.  (Scary, right?)

A year ago Hubby and I were finally going out and "dating" again!  I had lost my baby weight and was feeling dang good!  I could enjoy adult beverages!  We finally felt comfortable with a (non-familial) babysitter.  And, no lie, we kind of thought we had this whole parenting thing down...

reds game with friends

A year ago we closed on our house and moved into "the dream home."

We were ready to tackle a whole slew of major renovation projects! 

A month later - pregnant!

See what happens when you think you got it all under control?

God says, "Yeah.You still need me." 

And how!

:)

+ + + + + + 

Tonight we head off to Minnesota again.

Now a family of four,  and so thankful for our beautiful baby girl!

However...

birth control packed and reminder alarm set.

g

mama confessions : breast vs. bottle {my breastfeeding story}

Let's talk feeding.  

I currently breastfeed.  Nearly exclusively.   Women breastfeed for many reasons.  My reason is not because I firmly believe breast milk is more beneficial for babies.  It is not because we can't afford formula...even though I love being thrifty. It is not because I think there is a stronger bond between mother and baby when breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding. It is not because I think it is more convenient - in fact, my personal experience is that it is messier and less convenient than bottles and formula.

I breastfeed for completely selfish reasons. I do it because I love the connected feeling I get with my baby.  We are literally physically connected, and I love the natural, organic feeling of that.  I love the feeling of the letdown.   I am in awe of the way our bodies have been created and the amazing things they do.  I love looking down at her and seeing that my body is providing her directly with nutrition that is specifically for her.  I love when she notices me watching her and makes eye contact and smiles.

So, you see, all these things bring me pleasure.  Sure, she is getting a lot out of it...but that is not my main reason.  I like what I get out of it.

My attitude even before I got pregnant the first time was that I would try my best to breastfeed as long I could.

With my first baby, my son, I had difficulty.   Oh, he latched just fine from the start and I never experienced any pain while feeding...but I don't think I quite understood how often he needed to feed.  What did I know?  I was a first-time mama who perhaps did not research breastfeeding as well as I could have.

cormac, a week old, after a feeding session 

When he would fuss an hour after I fed him I exclaim, "There is NO way he is hungry again already!"  So I would look for other ways to soothe him.  This created a hungry/frustrated baby and frustrated parents.  Then my milk supply obviously went down.  I really wasn't feeding him frequently enough.  I ignored his need to cluster-feed to boost my supply, and then when I did feed him he didn't get enough.   I figured we needed to supplement with formula.  When we supplemented I didn't pump to keep my supply going.  Another mistake. One bottle of formula a day turned into two, then three.  Then, at twelve weeks postpartum I went back to work and Cormac went all day on the bottle.  I tried to pump at work but my supply was so low by that point that I would pump for a half hour and get maybe 3 oz.  I was so frustrated and bored while pumping.  During my brief two weeks back at work Cormac fell in love with the bottle - he got a lot of milk at a time - and fast!  He was voracious!  Pretty soon he would only allow me to nurse him at night...when really it was just for comfort.   I would try to feed him during the day and by that point my milk would not let down fast enough for him.  He would scream at my breast, which made me sad and anxious, which made the letdown take longer.  Which made him scream harder and not even want to try.

Finally, at about three months, I gave up.  I felt defeated.  I felt depressed.  I felt like a complete failure.
Until my milk dried up and the hormones associated with breastfeeding left my body.

Then I felt GREAT!  I loved bottle-feeding.  I had a happier baby who ate less often and was more satisfied.  I could feed him on a schedule...and I LOVE schedules.  We could go on weekend trips and easily leave him with the grandparents.   I didn't have to mess with bulky nursing pads, ugly nursing bras, or nursing in public (which I have no problem doing, with a cover, but it was just kind of annoying.)

finally at peace with bottle-feeding (and happier!)

In the end, though I had enjoyed a lot about breastfeeding while it lasted, I was a happier mama bottle-feeding, with a happier baby.

+ + + + + + 

With baby number two I still wanted to breastfeed, for the same reasons mentioned above.  I did not make the same mistakes again and end breastfeeding earlier than desired.  So, when Finola was a newborn I fed her all the time.  She didn't even have to barely squeak and I put her to the breast.  Also, I did not give her any formula/bottles until she was a month old and I felt like my milk supply was well established.  Even then I was afraid I would jeopardize my milk, but there have been instances where I've had to leave the baby for longer than a couple hours and she needed to eat.  I wanted to make sure she had practice with a bottle and would take one if necessary.  When we do give her one, which is not often, she seems to do just fine.

after an on-the-go feeding session.

So, unlike last time, the breastfeeding has been going beautifully so far.

Maybe too well.

I'll be completely honest:  I dread weaning her off the breast, because I know how hard emotionally it is to let those hormones exit my system.  I'll be a wreck.  Also, Hubby and I want to take a long weekend trip to Chicago in a couple months, sans kiddos, and I am afraid to let her be bottle-fed for several days.  I am afraid I will be forced into a premature end.

In some ways, as bad as this will sound, I wish she would "decide for herself," like her brother did, to go to the bottle, rather than making me, her total wimp of a mama, decide to end our breastfeeding relationship.

I don't know if and when I will have the guts to...

...but when it happens I will, of course, share the rest of this story.  :)

+ + + + + + 

So what is your story?  It is National Breastfeeding Month and I post this only to share my own experience.  Everyone has their own story and opinions.  Mine is to do what makes you happiest as a mama.  Happy mamas are the best mamas.

g