I've always been a planner. I like to prepare mentally and physically for everything - as much as I possibly can. When things happen unexpectedly it tends to take me a little while to process and readjust my mindset. (A 'little while' can be an hour or a few months.)
Back in late September I started to have a few odd things happen. Like, I would start crying about EVERYTHING. Be completely overcome with emotion regarding any little sentimental thing, particularly having to do with babies. Shoulder-shaking sobs, out of the blue.
Also, a few other weird things. A metallic taste in my mouth, usually in the morning. Oh, and let's not forget my favorite (not really) the super sensitive breasts. So, when I was a couple days late with my period
and I had a slight but all-too-familiar feeling of nausea one morning, which quickly went away after eating a handful of crackers, I
knew I had to bite the bullet - I had to get a pregnancy test.
I am pretty in tune with my body, and my mind knew I was pregnant. The thought thrilled me a little, as I'd been having a mild case of 'baby fever.' But my heart kept telling me,
No way! A false alarm. You aren't quite ready, girl.
I seriously felt good about my effort toward
natural family planning. I had tracked my ovulation and we specifically avoided having unprotected sex an entire week surrounding my estimated ovulation days. I did
exactly what I did to track before we got pregnant the first time. Which had worked. But obviously my tracking
this time was somehow way WAY off, or our method of backup birth control failed, because...
...that day in September, late afternoon, a mere
three seconds passed after I hurriedly peed on the testing stick before it read: PREGNANT.
Very, very pregnant. The line was less of a pink, but rather a foreboding deep, dark RED.
We had had plans to wait for a while - plans to finish the kitchen renovation and take a non-pregnant vacation. I had plans to enjoy a few more months of being able to enjoy my nightly glass of wine. But...
God had different plans for us. Baby plans.
After I saw the positive read I was, honestly, a little
panicked. It was
nothing like the first pregnancy, where all I felt was happy excitement and all was bright and shiny and new. This time I already had a baby, who cannot yet talk, who is still in diapers, who takes pretty much all my energy all day long.
I was honestly a little scared when I saw that dark pink 'plus' sign. Scared I can't handle two. Scared because Cormac is still so small - still a baby himself. Also, I was a bit sad. Sad at the thought of having to divide my time and love between two babies. Sad thinking that Cormac was getting cheated out of months, maybe years, more of being the center of our universe.
So, while I wanted to think of a cute way to tell Paul, like I did last time...I just couldn't wait. Well, I waited until the next morning, when I felt too
nauseous to make the 'cinna-bun in the oven' that maybe would say 'we're pregnant' in white icing or something nerdy like that.
 |
| my grand plans of a cute 'reveal' were foiled by my overwhelming emotions! |
So,
instead of following through with anything cute, that morning I got Cormac up like I normally do and brought him into our bedroom to snuggle for a few minutes with Hubby. As we lay there, I stared nervously up at the ceiling and asked,
"Is our vacation refundable?"
Hubby seemed shocked. "Why?" he asked quickly.
I burst into tears.
"Because I'm preeeeeegnant!!!!"
Imagine a real
ugly cry here.
Hubby's arms went around me immediately and said, "Really? Are you serious? That is
so GREAT!"
He was completely overjoyed. He said all the right things to comfort me. I felt better immediately just being able to share it with him. I felt less alone, somehow.
I told my real sister and my best friend (Cincinnati sister) the night before I told Paul, just because I was a little freaked out. They were amazing and supportive.
I told my parents during their short visit in early October...who were overjoyed about lucky Grandbaby #7! My mama wants a girl baby...she was, of course, not shy in telling me. No pressure. :) Here we are during their visit, with Mother guarding my pregnant belly...
We told
Hubby's parents and sisters in the weeks to follow...one set accidentally over the phone, the other set with Cormac wearing a "Big Brother" tee. So fun to be able to share the news!
Now, in my
fourteenth week, I am finally over the initial shock and seemingly done with the nausea-ridden first trimester. Also, the kitchen cabinets are nearly installed, the granite is picked out for the countertops, and the Christmas presents are {mostly} purchased.
Feeling more prepared. Feeling more excited. Feeling really thankful now that God, of course, had even
better plans than my own. His plans included speeding up the kitchen reno, speeding up the flooring installation in the back of the house, and making us a family of four in
His time. Our little babes will be almost two years apart, which will be so, so great. And hard...but since God only gives us what we can handle, I am feeling grateful that He has this much faith in me and Hubby.
Thankful for all our family and loved ones who have been so, so, so supportive and
genuinely happy for us and our pregnancy -- who have showered us with love and prayers and
real happiness and excitement, rather than ridicule at our failed attempt at birth control.
That is what makes this pregnancy even
more lovely than the last -- I feel this
amazing vibe of
genuine love coming at us. It is hard to explain, but this helps me feel more prepared and at ease with the pregnancy.
You know who you are -- we love you and and so grateful for all of you!
* * * * *
Sick of preggo posts? Kitchen reno progress update soon!
It's getting there!!!
