mama confessions : labor can wait

Your last few weeks of pregnancy are definitely the most irritating.  

in the nursery. it is mostly done.  my belly feels like a giant rock.

I remember last pregnancy I just wanted the baby to come.  I, like every first time mom, kept lamenting how I was SO ready to meet my baby boy, and begin this new chapter of life.

But you are never really ready.  I was NOT ready.  I think this "readiness feeling" is our mind/body playing a fun trick on us new mamas...to help us at least "feel" prepared for labor.  Funny how after labor your hormones make you feel all crazy, like 'life will never be the same!' and you may cry randomly over everything, including the loss of your former baby-free life.

(Just keep telling yourself, "It is only the hormones.  I will feel normal again!")

Yes, the "new chapter" is amazing...but mamas...please enjoy those last few weeks sans kiddos!  Go on those fun, unexpected movie dates.  Hang out with your girlfriends by the pool and chat.  Or go to restaurants as often as possible.  You have NO idea what is coming.

Movie dates will soon be a luxury that rarely happen, especially if you are breastfeeding.  Girlfriend dates to the pool will involve your post-baby belly, and a tot that may not really want to hang out at the pool at all.  And may scream.  And WILL poop.  PS: wet swimmie diaps are super fun to change in a soggy pool bathroom.  Just sayin'.

And restaurants?  Ha.  Hope you are ready for your beautiful babe to cry, need to be fed, interrupt every conversation you have, and throw things.  Yes, they will throw things.  A lot.  Try having a meaningful conversation with your spoon being chucked to the ground or rice puffs being flung at your face.

Don't get me wrong - motherhood is beautiful.  I love it, quite honestly.  But it sure ain't easy, by any stretch.

This time around, my second pregnancy, the last few weeks are still irritating...but for different reasons. I am not hoping to go into labor anytime soon.  I would gladly accept an appearance on or even a few days after my due date.

But I'm 5cm dilated...and not in labor (well, the "real deal" kind.)  I have contractions every once in a while (besides the Braxton-Hicks) but they go away after an hour of consistency and me praying that I'm really not yet in labor.

Why am I dreading labor?  It's not really the pain.  More the knowing how much harder life is going to get.  Juggling two babies.  One who is not yet two and teething and has been throwing tantrums like a rock star lately.  One who we tried to transition to a big boy bed, then realized after three weeks of him waking up super early and zombie-walking around until he found us, being cranky from his self-induced tiredness, and thereby making us zombie-walking parents.  We realized he was definitely NOT ready for a big, unconfined bed...so we chucked out the cash for another crib.  Life has been lovely for all since.  Lesson learned.

Also, it is the fear that each sweet, private moment with my son is my last. 

Every morning, when I get to go into his room to scoop him up and sing my 'good morning song,' I am grateful.  Grateful for another day of just him and me, before things get a lot more crazy.

Every night when I put Cormac to bed I wonder if I really will "see {him} in the morning light" as I always tell him while gently pushing the blonde hair off his forehead.   Or, rather, will I be at the hospital, and he will wake up with someone else there to take care of him, his world about to be rocked with a brand new sibling?

That is why, for now, labor can wait.  Gonna enjoy every sweet moment as a mama-of-one that I get.

g

sweet somethings : mama's day

Thought I might take a moment to muse on my Mother's Day.
My second one, and just as beautiful as the first.  This day has now surpassed Valentine's Day in my mind, as it is not just celebrating the love my Hubby and I  have for each other, but it is that, as well as the mutual love between myself and my baby {soon to be babies.}  And that which I have for my own mother.  And I get to see the love and respect my husband has for his mother.  All these things are awesome in my book.

Plus, the weather is usually warmer on Mother's Day compared to V-Day.  Added bonus!

mama's day quote...and my new entryway bench!

Quick recap of the weekend: Carnival on Saturday evening (after a day of cleaning and house projects) with the boy and Hubby, where they rode the kiddo rides and I ate funnel cake and took photos like a good mamarazzi would.  Church on Sunday...but a later service than usual, since Cormac blessed us with an extra hour of sleep - yay!  The church was packed with beautiful mamas clutching carnations given out, wearing pretty dresses and getting their photos taken with their children.  Was a lovely service and a lovely scene to behold.  After church the three of us went to the local downtown farmer's market and had brunch and walked around, buying a few yummy things along the way.  Went home for kiddo's nap, and did some final prep for our soon-arriving guests.  Then we met Hubby's mama and a whole crew of his other relatives over at a shopping/dining area a block from our house.  Entertained Cormac at an arcade since sadly our boat ride plan fell through, then had a lovely German feast at our favorite nearby restaurant.

Ended the day with gift opening, desserts and coffee back at our place.

I did not go into labor on Mother's Day as I had predicted.  But had some lovely, uncomfortable contractions as we walked around,  just to get everyone excited.  :D

I made fudge brownie batter cupcakes and mini fruit pizzas for our mother's day guests to eat back at our place

from hubby to two of the mamas in his life

flowers from the hubby...love hydrangeas

flowers for hubby's mama...also gorg!

since I am super preggo I couldn't ride any rides at little carnie on saturday night...but I loved watching my two guys enjoy themselves!  oh, and I did eat a giant funnel cake. 

um, both hands on the wheel, son!

that's my kiddo - totally in love with him!

Grandma BB driving a Hummer at the arcade...priceless!

I think I told little Cormac about a thousand times that day, quietly in his ear or looking into his blue eyes, how happy I am to be his mama.  I know I make mistakes.  I feel like a failure on a regular basis.  I am completely petrified I won't be too great at handling two little ones.  But...I also know God put me in this role and with these specific kiddos for a reason, and although I am not perfect {no mama is} I am so thankful for each moment I have with the title 'mama.'

Such a sweet and special weekend!  

Much love to all you mamas out there...

you are doing a GREAT job!!!!!
g

"Out!!!!"

This post is dedicated to all the new words my 22-month-old is saying.  At 18 months I shared that he hardly said five whole words and even those were sketchy to qualify as actual words.  Now it is as though he has unleashed a whole new toddler vocabulary.  To go with his early "terrible two" attitude.  Don't get me wrong - I love this stage of development...much more than the immobile, non-verbal infant stage.  He is a lot of fun!  A frustrating, somewhat annoying handful at times - but also really fun!

preppy style...and in major need of a haircut!

each time he sees one of these weeping holes in the stone walls around our 'hood, he shouts, "IN!" 

love, love, love this boy

not-so-happy face

"give!"

"Baby - OUT!"

"num nums"

My favorite currently is the title of this post - "Out!" which he most often says while pointing at my ginormous pregnant belly.  Second most often is when he sees his,or any, bed...because he can get "out!" of it.  And does.  Way too early.

Other fun new words include...

-Ambulance {which is every white large vehicle}
-Alarm {learned when I set off all the smoke alarms a few weeks ago}
- Elbow {no clue}
- Aminal {animal, but close enough}
- Ipad {this was one of his first, which delighted the Mac technician I dealt with after spilling water on my computer}
- In
- Tractor
- Mac {his name. he won't say Cormac}
- Baby
- Hot {he declares every food to be 'hot'}
- Done {this one is my least favorite, as it is highly overused, and he will say it even when he is not, in fact, done.}
- Boom
- Ap Goose {apple juice}
- Book
- UP!
- Ohhhhm {home}
- Garage {referring to anything that large items can be fit into}

And that is all I can think of at 6am without a full cup of coffee in my system.  Time to go rescue Hubby, who has corralled the little guy back in his bed to give me a few more moments of coffee/blog time.

g

(Did I mention I am now dilated to FIVE centimeters????)  

{36 week bumpdate}

The past four weeks I have been in full-on nesting mode. No, not the crazy kind that happens the day you go into labor, where you become obsessed with cleaning the grout between all the tile in your house.  But, it feels like my main goal in life recently has been to get the house ready for this baby.  I have sorted and washed all the newborn-3month baby clothes and anything gender neutral is in the nursery ready to adorn the little one, whether "it" be a he or a she.  I have washed/sanitized every bottle, breast pump item, and pacifier (that my kid will probably reject anyway.)  My bag, baby's bag, Cormac's bag and even the dog's bag are packed and by the door.  Every day I try to deep-clean a particular area in the house.  Oh, and I've been gardening like a madwoman because I know once this baby arrives most things outside will get neglected.

Also, I am now, in reality {not just in my head} huge.  This fact is confirmed daily by complete strangers who literally will gawk at me and say, "She is huge!"  I am sure they mean well.  I also get "Are you going to be okay???" a lot.  Mostly from people who are managing stores I am shopping at or restaurants I am dining at.  They are probably concerned I will go into labor while in their establishment and wondering how the heck to handle that. 

(Here is last pregnancy's 36 week post.) 

Rants {the crappy stuff}:

• Transitioning Cormac to his toddler/big boy bed has been a challenge.  It only took about three weeks but I think we finally have a system down that keeps him in his bed, falling asleep by himself, and sleeping the normal duration.  Almost.
• Bowel distress.  This is a sign that labor is to come soon.  Yikes.  Or that I ate something distressful.  Yep, I know.  Thank you for sharing.
• Cormac has become rather possessive.  When we are over in the future 'kiddo/guest bathroom' and I ask him if he and his baby brother/sister are going to take baths in there together, he shakes his head.  In fact, if I suggest anything is "the baby's" he is strongly opposed. 
• Some swelling in my ankles, I think.  Or I just have cankles.
• Shooting pains in my inner thigh area accompanying strong Braxton Hicks contractions???  Anyone else remember experiencing this?  Didn't happen last time for me.
• Sleeping continues to be really hard.  I maybe get 6 hours on a good night. Thus...
• Crazy emotional mood swings.
• Heartburn at night.

Raves {the happy stuff}: 

• The nursery is done!  Well, except for a few finishing touches that will happen once we know the gender. The hardwood floors are installed and stained and looking beautiful over on the "kiddo side" of the upstairs.  I sort of want to cry tears of joy every time I look at them, which is often.  All the furniture is in place and most of the decorating done.
• Weather has been beautiful and warm, so I've been able to get outside a lot, gardening and taking Cormac to the park.  Such a mood lifter! 
• I am 4, yes FOUR, centimeters dilated and 50% effaced.  I think that is good progress.  Even the midwife seemed a little shocked, and although it doesn't mean necessarily that I will go earlier than my due date, it could mean labor will be faster.  We shall see.  I am going to try not to sneeze.  

Weight gain: 32 pounds.  Exactly the same as last pregnancy at this point.  I find this funny because I worked out this pregnancy a TON and hardly at all last pregnancy and my body just kind of decided to gain the same amount.  Cruel nature!  Or smart.  I guess your body just knows how much weight it needs to grow a healthy baby?  I'm hoping at least I will be more toned than last time after I give birth.  Or I just eat a lot more.  That is probably it.

Nausea:  If I eat too much I feel like vomiting.  I guess that is acid-reflux/heartburn related.  It really doesn't stop me from eating, though. 

Skin:  Jury still out on the stretch marks, even though midwife still claims they are non-existent.  No other new/major issues.

Boobs:  Bras do not fit, since I failed to chuck out the cash for any new ones.  Also, I unpacked my nursing bras from last time and they look tiny.  How can this be?!?!?

Cravings:  Still sugary stuff.  All things sugary.  Made Hubby walk to get me Coldstone the other night.  {Coffee Lover's Only, no nuts, extra Heath} I also may have consumed a whole package of Zebra Cakes over the course of two days.
Aversions:  Nope!

Exercise: Same thing as usual - 5 days a week, 45 minutes of elliptical and then my own special mix of squats, lunges, free weights, pilates and yoga.   I get super winded now when I walk up stairs too fast.

Dreams: No baby dreams.  Sigh.

Clothing:  Excited to have busted out the dresses!  Yay for mu-mus!  Although it is hard to garden or work out in dresses, so I wear a lot of large black sweatpants with generous waist band and maternity tank tops, also.

Heartbeat: 152 at 34 weeks.  146 at 36 weeks

Baby movement: Tons.  Midwife thought baby was head down, so that is good.  I guess I am lucky because none of baby's movements hurt me at all.  I have never gotten a kick to the ribs with either pregnancy, or anything else causing pain.  The bladder jabs are slightly uncomfortable, but they are few and far between, and not so bad that I have to high-tail it to the bathroom.  In fact, I still go most nights not having to get up to pee.  I wake up about 4-5 times a night, though, from noises I hear or Hubby moving around.  Lots of hiccups from the babe recently. 

Gender speculation: I think the midwife slipped and told me it is a boy...even though she claims her chart says "gender unknown." Pshhyeah.  Likely story.   Then she said to Cormac, who was prodding my tummy during my exam, "Is that your br- er - baby in there?"  Nice, lady.  Can't fool this mama.  It's all good, since my gut has been saying "boy" for quite a while now.  Sorry, Mom.  

had a little too much fun on picmonkey trying the new editing tools this week :o)

Baby names: Same story - both boy and girl are 100% decided.  Same middle name whether a boy or girl.  We aren't telling anyone until baby pops out.   My guess is most folks will dislike the names, or give me the same confused look I get when I tell them my son's name is Cormac.  "Cor-MACK?  Huh?  McCormick?  Like the spice???"   Yes, like the spice.  I just really like spices.

Hubby feels: Just plain happy to be growing our family.  Strongly believes it is a boy.  When asked why, he replied, "Because a seer once told me I would have many sons."  Which made me laugh.  If you do not religiously watch the show Vikings on the History channel, then that will make no sense to you.  I then responded with "By 'many' I hope they meant 'two.'" 

Bump progress: 

SUPER excited and extremely petrified at the same time to go into labor.  As I have shared, I strongly desire a natural birth.  My labor with Cormac did not go exactly as I desired.  I feel like I know so much more about the actual labor process this time, and can be much more realistic.  I know various mental and physical things that can stall labor for me and potential ways to avoid these pitfalls.  I know I can labor much longer and more comfortably at home as long as things are progressing normally - no need to rush to the hospital earlier than necessary this time!  

(I personally did not enjoy being at the hospital during labor.)

I know more what I do and do NOT want from the experience.  I know what I can both request and refuse {and am grateful I will have a strong-willed and experienced doula there to back me up, and midwives delivering my baby that know my doula well and respect her.}  

I am a LOT more confident I can make it through naturally.

*fingers crossed*

I also know that even if I have to have an epidural or a c-section, there will still be parts that are so amazing {feeling those first 'real' contractions, watching Hubby's excitement throughout the process, seeing baby for the first time ever, holding baby immediately skin-to-skin and feeding him/her the first time.}

Excited for those parts - no matter what happens.

Praying for normal, healthy labor.
g

mama confessions: adventures in sleep training

One of the biggest challenges of new mamahood for me has been sleep training.  

Someone gave us the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth when Cormac was about two months old, stating, "This book changed our lives." 

I am always in favor of an instruction manual, so I gladly accepted the book and it literally got me through the first year of his life.  I devoured that book, poring over each section/stage and hanging on every logical word the doc wrote.  It has been my life preserver.  You don't know how many times I would read a chapter {over and over and over} and feel a sense of peace wash over me, thinking, "Okay, he is normal." or "No, I am not mean for doing this." 

Not that it hasn't been hard.

You don't know how many times during the period where we were training him to self-soothe {aka putting him in his crib awake and letting him cry/fuss before falling asleep} that I balled tears of mama guilt and sat on the back step with a glass of red wine, praying when I went back inside the house he would be asleep.

But I am so, so, so glad we stuck it out.  Some disagree with "crying it out" method but the logic laid out in this book was what I needed. I needed a schedule-baby who gets good naps. Cormac is not happy when he doesn't get his nap, and it is a lose-lose for everyone. I needed naptimes to be dependable and bedtime to be reasonable and straightforward. I adore hanging out with the kiddo all day, but also need my personal space.  And time at night with Hubby.  We have always done early bedtimes {between 6pm when he was younger and 8pm now}and he has always done great with it and slept until around 7am (sometimes 8am) consistently for as long as I can remember.

Soon enough he was falling asleep on his own, with barely any fussing.  {By soon enough, I mean it took a couple months.  But every baby is different.}

Then, in the past few months, we got to the sweet spot of napping where, he would go down with no fuss right at 1pm and sleep consistently for three hours. 

Now the challenge has begun again.  A week ago we started putting him down in the "big boy bed" - which we had set up a week or so before in his room just so he could get used to it.  We had been talking to him about it, and about how the baby would be sleeping in the crib.  He seemed okay.  Then we moved the crib into the {now painted and with furniture!!!!} nursery and he has seemed totally okay with that.  He didn't cry, and whenever he sees the crib he points to my tummy or otherwise ignores it.

He loves his big boy bed!  He just does not love staying in it.

The first couple nights he was fine and all went smoothly.  He went down, and not a peep.  Naps were equally non-dramatic, although I broke my own rule and laid there with him for five minutes while he fell asleep.



However, now he has figured out he is no longer confined to his crib.  He can escape.  As soon as we leave the room when we put him down awake he jumps right out and pitter-patters to the door (which sadly cannot be babyproofed due to the old age and how it was installed) and comes to find us.  If we are downstairs he stands at the baby gate and wails, "Maaaaaah!" 

He gets up earlier.  He wakes up at night and requires soothing.  His naps are not quite as long most days.

Hubby and I are feeling a bit more tired these days.  Plus, we are working really hard to finish up a bunch of projects to be ready for baby number two.

And I am ready to pop, so that doesn't help.

So there is my confession - toddler bed transitioning has been HARD.  If we didn't have a baby ready to make an appearance any day, I would have kept him in his crib at least another year. 

That is all.

(Oh, and I spilled water on my laptop - so that accounts for my lack of recent posting!)

Happy Monday!  :D

four websites...and a little mamarazzi goodness!

Every morning I get up {sadly a lot earlier now that we are transitioning Cormac to the 'big boy bed'...but more on that soon...} make my cup of coffee, and settle in at the kitchen island with my Mac to peruse the internet.  
So for this week's linkup with Lauren and Tiffany at Life.Love.Lauren and Austin Family Diary here are my four must-check daily websites...

I'd like to say the first website I check is something really intellectual, but...it's Facebook.  I don't even know why anymore, as I get less and less pleasure out of Facebook, particularly since they started notifying me every time one of my friends breathes.  But I DO love to look at pictures of the ever-changing lives of my family, good friends, and heck, even aquaintances and learn the important news of weddings, moves, jobs, and, of course, babies.

Then I will check my email, which was Hotmail, but now is somehow Outlook.  I delete all the crap and read the one email that looks interesting or is actually personal, then it is off to...

Pinterest!  Gotta obsessively see what is creatively inspiring my friends, and what project/recipe I might actually try today.

Last but not least is Blogger, of course.  I love blogs, just as I love blogging.

Linking here...

*  *  *  *  *  *

And here are some mamarazzi shots of "Mac" as he now refers to himself.

Doing what he does.

Always with messy hair.

"Mah, I'm pretty sure this periscope needs to be hosed out."

future fireman/calendar model - Mr. April   

"I love watching PBS Kids at lunchtime with you, Mah.  Actually, I could care less that you are sitting here with me.  And I have no idea what I am eating.  I just keep grabbing and putting in my mouth."  Occasionally he will let out an animal noise, since the show we watch has farm animals.

"Bah-Bahs!  I love bah-bahs!"  

(First time he has been able to blow the bubbles by himself!)

The face I got when I asked him to smile on Easter morning.

"Well, why did the Easter Bunny give me flatware?"

The face I got after I said, "Um, don't smile quite so big for this one." 

And finally, his first Ipod experience.

Which he stole out of my gym bag.

Did I mention one of his first words was "Ipad?" 

Also recently added to his vocabulary - "Int-net"

Hey, don't judge.  He also says "book" a lot.

g

{five, er, six favorite old photos}

The girls at Life.Love.Lauren and Austin Family Diary host a fun link party each week...and I am finally getting around to participating again!  This week's "Tuesday Topic" is Five Childhood Pics...

1.  Easter matchy-matchy.  Even when we were too old to dress exactly alike, my mother always made sure my sister Heidi and I coordinated our Easter outfits.  This was our nautical year.  I particularly enjoy our poofy-bangs, crimped hair, and the snooty expressions on our faces...including our dog's.

2. Ballerina halloween costume.  This is me dressed in my halloween costume when I was three.  It is actually one of my sister's old dance costumes.  I never took dance.  I am very uncoordinated.  But I look like I sort of know what I am doing, right?

3. Me and my Mama in Chicago.  This will forever be one of my favorite photographs of my mom holding me as a baby.

4.  Playing in the leaves!  Um...for those of you that don't think my son looks like me at all, and he is simply the spitting image of his Dada, check out that face and compare it with the one directly below.

Yep.  Pretty sure there is some resemblance there.  :D

5.  Matching Halloween cheerleader costumes.  Did I mention that my sister was the coordinated, athletic one?  Clearly I was never a cheerleader, but I love this shot.  Why did I get stuck with the huge pompoms?

6. Family in a Fantasy Suite.  What do you get when the only room available at the hotel your family loves to stay at every year is a fantasy suite called "Pharoah's Tomb"???  This picture.

the home video we have of this is even better.

Well, there you have it.  

Five (plus one bonus) of my favorite childhood photos. 

Thanks to Tiffany and Lauren for hosting these link parties!

g